Archive of Thoughtlessness

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Archive of Thoughtlessness - May '03

05/01/2003

Rabbit Rabbit:
Happy May Day, fellow oppressed workers. I'm in the middle of a huge project, right now, that I can't tell you about for fear of jinxing the whole thing, so you won't be seeing any updates until sometime tomorrow night. I will tell you that May's book of the month is As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner.

05/02/2003

Everything Will Fall Apart:
My worst fear is being realized. No, I didn't find a hair in my food. My other worst fear. This web site is starting to fall apart. The demands of work, fixing up Vienna's Grandmother's house, getting ready for the big move, learning ancient Greek, and the new, super-secret, project that I'm working on have left me with very little time for RATYHTL (That Springteen piece seemed kind of incomplete, didn't it?). I'm hoping that I'll have more free time in June, so don't expect too much this month (Zeus, I can't remember the last time I worked on Life With The Poor or You've Got Fongo). If it weren't for the Forum (AKA Athens) this place would be as stagnant as Dennis Miller's career. I'll I can ask is that you sit tight; new stuff (The Dionysus page, for example) will eventually be posted. Remember what Milton said ? "They also serve who stand and wait".

A corpse does not bite

05/03/2003

WTF ???!!!???:

Can we all get on the same page? If the people behind this event can't make up their minds if it's the Dangerous Women of Wrestling (ling, ling, ling, ling) or G.L.O.W. then how can we?

05/04/2003

Stagnation Nation:
Not a whole lot to report today. Yesterday, I went out to Biopond and engaged in a two hour long staring contest with a red-eared slider.
Hey, John F. would like to know if any of you are having problem printing the Dionysus pamphlet.

The begetting of children is self-imposed grief.

05/05/2003

Bad Song Writing, Part I:
     Below is an example of bad song writing from the Appalachian folk song, The Tennessee Stud:
     First I whupped her Pa' then I whupped her Uncle Thud - an' then I rode away on the Tennessee Stud.
     "Uncle Thud"? Now there's a reach for a rhyme. Even if we ignore the obvious homoerotic connotations of the above line, we are still left asking " Who the Hell is named 'Thud'? Why not Uncle Bud?" Look, I know that this song was written about a hundred years ago by some Huckleberry who couldn't even conceive of a Denny's let alone something like PlayStation 2, but that's no excuse for a fudged rhyme. Hey, here's a better one:
     First I whupped her Pa' 'cuz he was critical of HUD - an' then I rode away on the Tennessee Stud.
     More examples of bad song writing tomorrow. I'm going to bed.

Slaves have no leisure.

05/06/2003

Bad Song Writing, Part II:
     Don't Fear The Reaper ? No one line in particular, pretty much the entire song.
     This may not seem like a great leap of logic, but isn't kind of stupid to tell your audience not to be afraid of death? "You've been a great crowd; don't be afraid to kill yourselves. See you next ye?um, never mind. Don't drive safely. Goodnight, Cleveland"
     Take it from me, it's good to fear the Reaper. So, if you see the Reaper coming your way, get on a bus or something. OK?

Death is immortal.

05/07/2003

Busy:
Dionysus Christ! Only two weeks left until I turn 40! And that's all I have time to write today because I've got to spend the rest of the night putting things in boxes - the big move is only three weeks away.

05/08/2003

The Projects:
Big meeting tonight about the secret project. Soon the secret project will occupy my every waking moment, but that's OK. I'm doing this for the good of mankind.

Wicked friends bear wicked fruit.

05/09/2003

Animal Planet:

Distinguished by its foul temper, the Brazilian Hypno-Cat (seen here in a rare photo taken by missing zoologist, Randolph Carter) has been known to devour villagers in the Amazon basin. It is a widely held belief among many indigenous people that horrible death will befall anyone who looks into this animal's eyes within one year. Sorry if you already looked.

05/10/2003

Colossus:

Trust me, there's an explanation of this picture on the way. In the mean time, tremble in fear at the sight of GIANT Mario Lanza, you puny mortals.

05/12/2003

Harley Earl - Part I:
Sorry about leaving you all thoughtless, yesterday. I through my back out in the morning and had to remain immobile for the rest of the day. Meanwhile…
Some guy named Harley Earl has returned from the dead in order to build me a better car. Thanks Harley, but I don't really want or need a car, so why don't you get started on building me some decent bike lanes, you goddamn poltergeist prick.

05/13/2003

Harley Earl - Part II (Fongo Vs. Harley):
     If you go HERE, you can submit all your Harley Earl related questions directly to Buick. Fongo did:

     To whom it may concern,
     I have been enjoying your recent series of "Harvey Earl" commercials. If you have a free moment, I would be very grateful if you could answer a few questions regarding these advertisements:

Is the ghost of Harley Earl non-corporeal? In other words, can Mr. Earl's sprit walk through walls? If so, can the late Mr. Earl actually drive a car (even though this would be illegal because his license expired, like, thirty years ago)? Is Mr. Earl's ghost able to design a car on his own, or does he have to work through others (Like "The first Evil" on Buffy)?
Can Mr. Earl's spirit stay in this dimension indefinitely, or is he limited to a certain amount of time? Are there any "conditions" (such as, oh let's say, the drinking of goats' blood) that must be met to keep Mr. Earl's ghost in this dimension?
How can the viewer be sure that Harley Earl has, in fact, returned from the dead in order to build us a better car? Isn't a more plausible scenario that Mr. Earl made some sort of deal with dark forces and is working to build more dangerous cars?

Thank you and I look forward to your reply,
Jerry "Fongo" Fongowski

05/16/2003

Best Judge Judy EVER:
     OK, I'm sorry that I haven't been around for a few days. Let me start at the beginning. My friend, Paul Kircher, has asked me to do a series of reports for his radio show. It's a great idea (Paul's). I go to some lesser-known spots in and around, Philly and interview the folks there. Then Paul plays the segments on his show. Last Saturday, I swung by the Mario Lanza Museum. See, that explains the Mario Lanza pic that was posted in the Thoughtless for Saturday Night. I'm going to the Shoe Museum on the 23rd. Also on the 23rd, I'll be on Pal's show from 3 to 4 p.m. along with mayoral candidate Sam Katz.
     So, you see, I haven't abandoned RATYHTL, I'm just expanding it into the world of audio (Paul will put the features up on his web site.) And, yes, this is the secret project that I've been alluding to. And, yes, that why there were no Thoughtlesses on Wed. or Thurs. I was working on "Radio Stuff". If I drop out of sight, from time-to-time, that's what I'm up to.
     But why, you might ask, am I taking on another project when I seemed poised at the edge of burnout - about to turn into another Jerry Lewis - a greasy bloated monster, loudly complaining about being a "very tired nine-year-old boy"? There are two reasons. The first is that I like Paul and I like his show. The second is that I believe in Philadelphia. Both Paul and I think that it can, once again, be the Athens of America. If we're going to make that happen, then we've gotta start someplace. The Mario Lanza Museum seemed the logical choice.

     In other new, I'll turn 40 in 4 days. The night before I turn 40, the last episode of Buffy will air. Coincidence? Oh, THIS was on Salon today. You'll need to get the "day pass" to read it. It's well worth the hassle.

05/17/2003

Weekend Wrap Up:
Joe's band, The Low Budgets are playing over at La Tazza tonight. You should go them, they don't hardly suck or nothin'. Fongo is pissed that the people at Buick still haven't answered his questions about Harley Earl. And Vienna and I are one week closer to moving.