Experiment No. 2 - The Real World Comes To Philly:
Ever heard of Johnny Rockets ? If your answer was "no", then you may add the words "one lucky son-of-a-bitch" to your resume. Remember that scene in Ghost World when the two girls went to the "authentic" Fifties diner and one of them commented "Do you think they had strip malls back in the Fifties?" Well, that's Johnny Rockets. Except that the real life Johnny Rockets is about a thousand times more evil than its celluloid counterpart. I shit you not; Johnny Rockets actually makes its employees "perform". By "perform", I mean that they force these poor, minimum wage earning kids to do things like lip-sink to YMCA. I hate that fuckin' place. We hatessss it forever.
A few weeks ago, strange fliers began to appear in the immediate area of Johnny Rockets.
OK, this time my target was larger, but it was also more dangerous. Real corporations and real TV shows tend to have real lawyers. Lots and lots of real lawyers with lots of real time on their hands.
Also, I was running the risk of starting a riot. I did my best to hedge my bets by scheduling this event to take place over eleven-and-a-half hours on one of the coldest days of the year.
But the thing that really paid off was adding Fongo's Filipino email address to the flyer. Everybody who sent an email telling Jerry how pleased they were that their bright, smiling faces would be on MTV received three separate emails over three weeks:
Meat-shoes - A Dangerous Teenage Fad:
The cast of the Real World
13 - Lancaster would like remind everyone, this holiday season,
that Meat-shoes are a dangerous teenage fad. Although some young
people may feel that meat-shoes make them appear "sophisticated",
or "grown up", or "human", wearing them (or even trying them on) can only lead to tragedy. This Thursday, December 19th at 9:00pm EST, MTV will be airing the special rockumentry "Meat-shoes - - A Dangerous Teenage Fad". Real World 13 - Lancaster cast members Corey and Mbut!oo will be taking part in this important message
to young people everywhere.
_ ._
House Bill 7622-B:
Please call your Congressman and tell him to
vote YES on House Bill 7622-B (Also known as "Puck's Law"). This
law would make it legal for the producers of The Real World to
really "get inside the heads" of cast members by planting small, electronic devices in their skulls.
_ ._
Philadelphia Shoot Canceled:
As many of you, no doubt, read in
last week's Entertainment Weekly, cast member Kimi (not
lesbian Kimi, or African-American Kimi - the other Kimi) was
quoted as saying that the people of Philadelphia are "Incestuous
Troglodytes." Although Kimi later explained that she did not mean
all of the people of Philadelphia, the Philadelphia Chamber of
Commerce apparently are not in forgiving mood - The Real World 13
- Lancaster has been asked NOT to film within the city limits.
Perhaps the Troglodytes on the Philadelphia Chamber of Commerce are too busy practicing incest to know a joke when they hear it?
Despite that last email, on a cold December morning the corner of Fifth and South Streets - the corner directly across from Johnny Rockets - was very crowded with angry people who were just waking up to the fact that their bright, smiling faces would not be appearing on TV any time soon.
Part Three - A Call To Arms