Last time in "Hurdy Gurdy Tips", I showed you how to punch a hippie square in his ugly bearded face and then swipe his hurdy gurdy while he lays helpless, weeping and curled up like a hacky sack ball. I think we all enjoyed that and learned a little about the fragile nature of the human skull in the process.
This time, acting on the advice of my lawyer, I'll show you a way to deal with the pesky problem of how to isolate the melody strings on your gurdy (odds are that you have adjustable bridges for your drone strings. If not, you can pick them up here from the good folks at Hurdy Gurdy Crafters). I should also point that this is not an entirely original idea. As you can see below, L-shaped hooks have incorporated into many gurdies for the purpose of lifting, and therefore isolating, the melody strings.
My problem was that I couldn't find any L-shaped hooks which would work with Vienna (my gurdy). My solution was to use cup hooks (available at your local hardware store) instead. Judging from their size, there must be a great deal of tiny cups out there.
I installed the hooks on both sides of Vienna's keychest (those red eyes belong to my friend Jody) so that they rest above and to the left or right of melody strings.
This way, when I need to isolate a string (for tuning, for example), all I need to do is to lift the sting and place it in the hook.
I was in a hurry to get this done because my other band, 25 Cromwell Street, will be playing a benefit for Beth Ann Lejman (formerly of the legendary Philly punk/funk band The Stick Men) this Saturday, July 30th at Connie's Ric Rac.
Anyone found not to be in attendance will be forced to wear scratchy undergarments.
8-Bit By A Rabid Squirrel (Part Three Faces of Eve)
Our story so far: In Part One we learned how to add messed-up vocals and glitchy percussion to an 8-bit track, and while we didn't learn a whole lot about 8-bit music in Part Two, we did get to watch that sweet-assed POWERLIFTER video and learn what gives a song a "human" feel.
This time, we're gonna see if we make an 8-bit tune from scratch.
The first thing that we're going to need is a VST that can reproduce the simple sounds used to score 8-bit video games back in the 80's. And since we're all so broke that the soles of our shoes are so thin we can step on a piece of bubblegum and tell you what flavor it is, that VST should be free. Enter the LC 5000 (the pic below lies! The larger version can be found here)
Load the LC 5000 into your DAW de jour (I use FL Studio because I was teenaged hoodlum), and choose the preset called "Mr. Mapp". Phun Phactiod: I named this patch after my good friend, and musical legend (he once slew a frost giant), Dan Mapp.
Now we're going to re-visit the bassline from from Bitchin' Camarothat we looked at in Part Two. This time, instead of playing and recording the bass part, we're going to enter the bass notes one-at-a-time into the "piano roll", so that they look exactly like this:
See how neat and orderly the riff above looks as compared to that mess from Part Two? And look how much cleaner the the notation is:
Not very interesting is it? Well, neither is your DNA. Seriously, your DNA is, quite frankly, boring! It's made up of just four crummy nucleotides. It's how those A's, G's, C's. and T's are arranged and mutated that make you you. If you mutate a few notes (and we have twelve to work with), you can turn a simple riff into a song. Let's add a very simple melody on top of the bass riff. Here it is:
And this is for those of you (snobs!) who can read music:
Here's how it sound put together with the bass riff & drums:
You can almost see a tiny 8-bit Prince Charles Manson leaping over magic mushrooms until he reaches the castle at Spahn Ranch and saves Princess Squeaky Fromme. OK, now it's time to build a song. We'll rearrange the parts a bit in order to have verses, choruses, and a break. Here's what the into, verse, and chorus sound like. The tempo is also a bit faster:
Now. let's use a Gross Beat to do a little time manipulation as well adding a trance gate. If you string the whole thing together in Intro/Verse/Chorus/Verse/Chorus/Break/Chorus/Chorus/Outro fashion:
Well, it might not be high art, but the whole point was to learn a little bit about making 8-bit music. Now, if you're ever in a crowed place, and a madman marches in carrying a shot gun and announces "I'll kill anyone who doesn't have a a rough idea about how to creat a quick 8-bit song", you should be covered.
Warning: the following article will be of interest to the five or six hurdy gurdy players left on the planet. And, frankly, I don't think they're going to be blown away by it.
While I'm impressed with the the overwhelming outpouring of concern for my gurdy - in fact, Pope Benedict the Off-Putting has announced a that a special Mass will be said for my hurdy gurdy today - I really must step in and tell all of you that my gurdy is fine. Here's what happened and here's what I did to fix it:
Inexplicably, the my gurdy's crank slammed into a mic stand (by "inexplicably" I, of course, mean that it was totally inexplicable unless you pause to consider that I'd had a fee too many beers and was stumbling about not unlike ) causing the screw that turns the wheel to catch on the bushing through which the screw passing causing the whole thing to tear loose and...well, the result was this:
The wheel, the piece that holds the bushing, everything, had to come out, be examined, and then put back in, but in a better spot. This was not going to pretty.
What I ended up having to do was to move the wooden piece that holds the bushing back about four inches. This time I made sure to put washers between the screw and the wood as to decrease the odds of the screws tearing through the wood.
I really really wish I'd managed to get a recording of the my gurdy tearing itself apart because it really was the most remarkable sound.
So, despite being left with two ugly metal screws protruding from my gurdy (I'll have to search hardware & art supply stores for something to cover them with) as well several ugly holes in its body (remind me to pick up some plastic wood), this actually turned out to be a fortunate turn-of-events as the gurdy now sounds about a thousand times better than it ever did; resetting the wheel has allowed it to turn more truly. Maybe I should drink more often.
By the way, the next 25 Cromwell Street show will be in February.
Two weeks ago Vienna and I spent a lovely (unless you factor in the 100+ degree heat) Saturday morning at the Punk Rock Flea Market. Despite seeing hundreds (I'm not exaggerating. In fact, I've told you people a million times that I never exaggerate) of items I wanted to buy, I only made one purchase (cheap bastard): a vintage Horhner melodica:
OK, the picture is a little fuzzy (like most of my pics) but, when you consider my fondness for wine, I think it does a pretty decent job of conveying the scope of my purchase. So, how much did I pay for this piece of musical history? $5.
Of course, the $5 price tag was due to the fact that five of the twenty-six keys were stuck in the "open" position. Then why bother to purchase it at all? Well, the good news was that the melodica made a rattling sound when shaken. Tip: If you ever purchase a cheap, second-hand melodica, make sure that it produces a rattling sound, because that means whatever parts are broken are still inside.
Sure enough, when I opened up the melodica, I found five "free-floating" tangents which happened to correspond to the five "stuck" keys.
Another blurry photo? I really need to sober up! Anywhooooo, all that was needed was to glue the tangents back into place [Tip Number Two: Airplane glue + wind instrument = instant acid jazz].
Do those look like bad teeth to you? Where was I? Oh, yeah...once the tangents were fixed and dried, that just left cleaning off the numbers.
The previous owner had decided (sometime around 1972, from the looks of things) to mark each key with a number. I guess they figured that, should a confused ivory poacher make off with one of the plastic keys, this would make reporting the theft to the police much easier. "Yes officer, it was #7! For God's sake, please hurry!"
Here's what the melodica currently looks like:
Ah, but what does it sound like? If you're really interested (and you did read this far, after all), here are a few bars of Life on Mars. And no, I don't plan on fixing the key clicks, as I actually like those.
Thanks to everybody who turned out last Sunday to catch the talented TV Casualty and the not-so-talented me perform 20 Ramones tunes at Kung Fu Necktie. If you weren't there, here's a taste of what you missed:
Then today is your lucky day, because the scientists at DM Laboratories in Tirana, Albania have finally completed work on the prototype of what will, hopefully, be the first Dead Milkmen VST: The LC 5000.
The LC 5000 is a four-operator, one algorithm synth which features on-board reverb, and LFO, filtering, and not a whole Hell of a lot else. But then again, it's free. You can download it here Then unzip the file to your vst directory. If you don't already have a DAW, may I suggest FL Studio (which I use) or Reaper (which is free).
1. Blood Bass. Nice and noisy; the way Dave liked it!
2. Smokin' Peels: A nice Farfisa-esque organ
3. Methodist: A lot lower and a little more percussive than Smokin'
4.Buzz E. Shoes: A buzzy synth
5. Doctor 5ssss: Try playing "Life on Mars" on it.
6.UVB-76
7. Life is Merde: Slightly orchestral synth
8. Air Cymbal: Does what it says
9. Low Boojays: Sounds like Joe's old "fan organ"
10. Perc E. Piano: My attempt at a Wurlitzer
11. Inharmonium: Much prettier than it should be
12. Ortho Orange 42: Eat your heat out Keith Emerson
13. Dandrew: Smooth, TR303ish bass
14. Clean snare: duh
15. Clean Kick: double duh
16. Church of CNR: Odd sort of pipe organ
17. PRG Accord: Play the accordion; go to jail. It's the law.
18. AfterTone: Atmospheric synth
19. In Progress: Chock on it, Wakeman.
20. The Swelling: Pad-ish synth. Not bad - really
21. Phaser: Sci-fi synth
22. Steam hat: an open (or maybe closed - I don't play drums) high hat
23. Clockwork: I'm sure that, one day, you'll find a use for this.
24. Knocking: It's like a visit from the Cybermen
25. Synth UK: One day you'll have to play "Love Will Tear Us Apart"; then you;ll thank me.
26. Roxy Keys: Try the riff from Remake/Remodel
27. JoeJack: Makes nice lead lines...ok...it makes strange lines.
28. Unlucky Man: Industrial-power synth
29. Rumbler: Probably my favorite
30. Gritty Kitty: More Industrial phun
31. Wreckner: For when you need something loud! Not for hippies.
32. Mr. Mapp: Kinda Vox-ish, kinda synth-ish
Please note that the LC 5000 is for Windows OS's ONLY, and that this is the beta version; therefore I am NOT responsible for any damage it might cause to your PC, laptop, or psyche. In other words: if smoke starts pouring out of your goddamn Dell, call the fire department; don't call me or Rick Wakeman.
Last month, the following video appeared of the Dead Milkmen playing an acoustic show at Crash, Bang, Boom:
Since then, my inbox has been flooded with literally ones of emails asking for information on the instrument I’m playing on "Joe’s Song with No Name/William Bloat" (and later played on "I hear your name").
The instrument is known as a "Hurdy Gurdy", although most hurdy gurdy players call them "gurdies" for short. Although there seems to be no consensus on exactly when and where (and for that matter, why) hurdy gurdies first appeared (although many musicologists believe it was developed in the Middle East sometime around the 9th Century, not unlike the Plague), it’s universally agreed that they reached the height of their popularity during the Renaissance. Hieronymus Bosch even included a gurdy in his painting "The Garden of Earthly Delights."
So, how does a hurdy work? What sets the gurdy apart from other interments is that it has a wheel, which is turned by a crank, over which both its melody and drone strings pass. This wheel is coated in rosin, by the way, just like a violin bow. The melody string passes over the bridge, through a "keybox", to the tuning pegs. Inside the keybox are tangents which press against the melody string when the keys on the outside of the keybox are pressed. The drone string sits outside the keybox and simply rests on the wheel, producing one continuous note when the wheel is turned (and making the gurdy sound like a bagpipe).
A few facts about my hurdy gurdy:
Although I’ve told people that my gurdy was built in 1802 by Elias Hurdy (who invented the hurdy gurdy and named it after his wife, Gertrude), the truth is that I built my gurdy, myself, from a kit I purchased for about $500 from Lark in the Morning. Then I had some adjustments to the bridge and wheel made by Chris DiPinto of DiPinto’s Guitars fame.
After my gurdy was completed, I got the not-so-bright idea into my head to stain and paint it. This completely changed the sound (for the worse), and it took nearly a decade for the wood to cure.
I currently only have one melody string - set to open D – (see photo below) and one drone string (G) set up. I’ll be adding a second melody sting before the end of the year. If you watch the video carefully, you can see me play an open D, an E (first key), and a G (third key)
You may have noticed that I’ve painted "Vienna" on the keybox. When my wife asked me why I named my gurdy after her, I replied that it was because it’s high-strung and cranky.
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If you're thinking about buying a hurdy gurdy (building them often turns out to be more expensive in the long run), then I strongly suggest that you start your search HERE.
Now, for the average musician, working within the structure of Wichita Lineman is tantamount to a pole-vaulter deciding that it might be fun to attempt to clear the high-bar in a full suit of armor. I, however, am in the Dead Milkmen: we trash more songs before 9:00 AM than must bands will in a lifetime; so writing and recording the song wasn't a problem. After all, nowhere in the rules does it state that the song has to any good. Here it is; it's called This Is Not A Loveseat
And here are the lyrics:
This Is Not a Loveseat
She dropped nearly 14 grand
On an ugly hunk of chrome
She brought it into our living room
She brought it into our home
We used to sit and watch TV
Bergman films on TMC
Then she bought that monstrosity
She thinks is from the Ming Dynasty
A man's home is his castle
I don't need this hassle
When I look at the furniture
I just want to scream at her
This is not a loveseat X4
Her taste in furniture is profane
It borders on the criminally insane
Polka dots on zebra skin
Chinese-Danish Modern
Hideous colors that run together
Like one of Bill Cosby's sweaters
All become a terrible sight
When placed beneath florescent lights
Into a rusted frame we settle
A chair that looks like a tea kettle
When I look at the furniture
I just want to scream at her
This is not a loveseat X4
Note that I would've asked Trevor to sing background, but I don't know anyone named Trevor.
Now, here's were you come in: I need all of you with video skills to create a video of you singing (lip-syncing) This Is Not A Loveseat; upload the video to YouTube; and email the link to Colin (Be sure to BCC me). Videos will receive bonus points for including any or all of the following elements:
Good luck and let's get going, there's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural fluids.
Much the sorry for those of you who missed last night’s VNV Nation concert. As usual, Ronan did a stellar job of engaging the audience (and carrying a girl who had passed out to safety offstage). Y’ Know, there’s a wide gulf between engaging an audience and pandering to them: A lesson that was lost on the front man of open band The War Tapes. Ever other sentence out of that guy’s mouth was something like “We’ve played a lot of shows, but Philly audiences are the greatest”, and “Philadelphia, you’re amazing!”, as if the entire city had collectively donated a kidney to him.
Anywhooo, here’s a picture of the jars of $18 peanut butter I alluded to in yesterday’s post. Bon appétit