Thoughtless for the Day

Thanks to everybody who turned out last Sunday to catch the talented TV Casualty and the not-so-talented me perform 20 Ramones tunes at Kung Fu Necktie. If you weren't there, here's a taste of what you missed:

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Are you tired of synthesizers being so damn expensive, and bastards always trying to steal your synthesizer because times are so bloody bad?

Then today is your lucky day, because the scientists at DM Laboratories in Tirana, Albania have finally completed work on the prototype of what will, hopefully, be the first Dead Milkmen VST: The LC 5000.

The LC 5000 is a four-operator, one algorithm synth which features on-board reverb, and LFO, filtering, and not a whole Hell of a lot else. But then again, it's free. You can download it here Then unzip the file to your vst directory. If you don't already have a DAW, may I suggest FL Studio (which I use) or Reaper (which is free).

Here's a tiny demo tune made uses patches from the LC 5000

The LC 5000 comes loaded with 32 custom designed patches:

Image via Wikipedia

1. Blood Bass. Nice and noisy; the way Dave liked it!
2. Smokin' Peels: A nice Farfisa-esque organ
3. Methodist: A lot lower and a little more percussive than Smokin'
4.Buzz E. Shoes: A buzzy synth
5. Doctor 5ssss: Try playing "Life on Mars" on it.
6.UVB-76
7. Life is Merde: Slightly orchestral synth
8. Air Cymbal: Does what it says
9. Low Boojays: Sounds like Joe's old "fan organ"
10. Perc E. Piano: My attempt at a Wurlitzer
11. Inharmonium: Much prettier than it should be
12. Ortho Orange 42: Eat your heat out Keith Emerson
13. Dandrew: Smooth, TR303ish bass
14. Clean snare: duh
15. Clean Kick: double duh
16. Church of CNR: Odd sort of pipe organ
17. PRG Accord: Play the accordion; go to jail. It's the law.
18. AfterTone: Atmospheric synth
19. In Progress: Chock on it, Wakeman.
20. The Swelling: Pad-ish synth. Not bad - really
21. Phaser: Sci-fi synth
22. Steam hat: an open (or maybe closed - I don't play drums) high hat
23. Clockwork: I'm sure that, one day, you'll find a use for this.
24. Knocking: It's like a visit from the Cybermen
25. Synth UK: One day you'll have to play "Love Will Tear Us Apart"; then you;ll thank me.
26. Roxy Keys: Try the riff from Remake/Remodel
27. JoeJack: Makes nice lead lines...ok...it makes strange lines.
28. Unlucky Man: Industrial-power synth
29. Rumbler: Probably my favorite
30. Gritty Kitty: More Industrial phun
31. Wreckner: For when you need something loud! Not for hippies.
32. Mr. Mapp: Kinda Vox-ish, kinda synth-ish

Please note that the LC 5000 is for Windows OS's ONLY, and that this is the beta version; therefore I am NOT responsible for any damage it might cause to your PC, laptop, or psyche. In other words: if smoke starts pouring out of your goddamn Dell, call the fire department; don't call me or Rick Wakeman.

Posted by Rodney Anonymous at 5:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Last month, the following video appeared of the Dead Milkmen playing an acoustic show at Crash, Bang, Boom:

Since then, my inbox has been flooded with literally ones of emails asking for information on the instrument I’m playing on "Joe’s Song with No Name/William Bloat" (and later played on "I hear your name").

The instrument is known as a "Hurdy Gurdy", although most hurdy gurdy players call them "gurdies" for short. Although there seems to be no consensus on exactly when and where (and for that matter, why) hurdy gurdies first appeared (although many musicologists believe it was developed in the Middle East sometime around the 9th Century, not unlike the Plague), it’s universally agreed that they reached the height of their popularity during the Renaissance. Hieronymus Bosch even included a gurdy in his painting "The Garden of Earthly Delights."

So, how does a hurdy work? What sets the gurdy apart from other interments is that it has a wheel, which is turned by a crank, over which both its melody and drone strings pass. This wheel is coated in rosin, by the way, just like a violin bow. The melody string passes over the bridge, through a "keybox", to the tuning pegs. Inside the keybox are tangents which press against the melody string when the keys on the outside of the keybox are pressed. The drone string sits outside the keybox and simply rests on the wheel, producing one continuous note when the wheel is turned (and making the gurdy sound like a bagpipe).

A few facts about my hurdy gurdy:

• Although I’ve told people that my gurdy was built in 1802 by Elias Hurdy (who invented the hurdy gurdy and named it after his wife, Gertrude), the truth is that I built my gurdy, myself, from a kit I purchased for about $500 from Lark in the Morning. Then I had some adjustments to the bridge and wheel made by Chris DiPinto of DiPinto’s Guitars fame.

• After my gurdy was completed, I got the not-so-bright idea into my head to stain and paint it. This completely changed the sound (for the worse), and it took nearly a decade for the wood to cure.

  

• I currently only have one melody string - set to open D – (see photo below) and one drone string (G) set up. I’ll be adding a second melody sting before the end of the year. If you watch the video carefully, you can see me play an open D, an E (first key), and a G (third key)

  

• You may have noticed that I’ve painted "Vienna" on the keybox. When my wife asked me why I named my gurdy after her, I replied that it was because it’s high-strung and cranky.

  =======

  If you're thinking about buying a hurdy gurdy (building them often turns out to be more expensive in the long run), then I strongly suggest that you start your search HERE.

  Posted by Rodney Anonymous at 6:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Since no one was kind enough to send me a video for "This is Not a Loveseat", I was forced to make my own.

This just in >>>>> another (better) video for TiNaL exists!

Posted by Rodney Anonymous at 7:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Wherein I ask for your help with a project.

Long-story-short: On Sunday, Dean sent me an email letting me know that Colin Meloy of the Decemberists had issued a songwriting challenge to the world that involved composing a song about modern furniture within the chord structure of Wichita Lineman. Apparently, those Decemberists have a little too much time on their hands. Hopefully, this idleness will result in another excellent tune like The Rake's Song, even though experience shows that idleness in bands is the leading cause of rhythm sections turning up at Town Hall meeting and loudly proclaiming that Healthcare Reform will result in mandatory sex-change surgery and forced abortions for the elderly.

Now, for the average musician, working within the structure of Wichita Lineman is tantamount to a pole-vaulter deciding that it might be fun to attempt to clear the high-bar in a full suit of armor. I, however, am in the Dead Milkmen: we trash more songs before 9:00 AM than must bands will in a lifetime; so writing and recording the song wasn't a problem. After all, nowhere in the rules does it state that the song has to any good. Here it is; it's called This Is Not A Loveseat

And here are the lyrics:

This Is Not a Loveseat

She dropped nearly 14 grand
On an ugly hunk of chrome
She brought it into our living room
She brought it into our home

We used to sit and watch TV
Bergman films on TMC
Then she bought that monstrosity
She thinks is from the Ming Dynasty

A man's home is his castle
I don't need this hassle
When I look at the furniture
I just want to scream at her

This is not a loveseat X4

Her taste in furniture is profane
It borders on the criminally insane
Polka dots on zebra skin
Chinese-Danish Modern

Hideous colors that run together
Like one of Bill Cosby's sweaters
All become a terrible sight
When placed beneath florescent lights

Into a rusted frame we settle
A chair that looks like a tea kettle
When I look at the furniture
I just want to scream at her

This is not a loveseat X4

Note that I would've asked Trevor to sing background, but I don't know anyone named Trevor.

Now, here's were you come in: I need all of you with video skills to create a video of you singing (lip-syncing) This Is Not A Loveseat; upload the video to YouTube; and email the link to Colin (Be sure to BCC me). Videos will receive bonus points for including any or all of the following elements:

• Emo hair
• Grainy black and white footage
• A visible price tag on a synthesizer
• A picture of Vladimir Putin (for Vienna)

Good luck and let's get going, there's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural fluids.

Posted by Rodney Anonymous at 10:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Aid or Invade: Now with 78% more anger!

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Much the sorry for those of you who missed last night’s VNV Nation concert. As usual, Ronan did a stellar job of engaging the audience (and carrying a girl who had passed out to safety offstage). Y’ Know, there’s a wide gulf between engaging an audience and pandering to them: A lesson that was lost on the front man of open band The War Tapes. Ever other sentence out of that guy’s mouth was something like “We’ve played a lot of shows, but Philly audiences are the greatest”, and “Philadelphia, you’re amazing!”, as if the entire city had collectively donated a kidney to him.

Anywhooo, here’s a picture of the jars of $18 peanut butter I alluded to in yesterday’s post. Bon appétit

Posted by Rodney Anonymous at 5:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

...I'll be at the VNV Nation show.

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