Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy

   I'm fighting a losing battle, here, folks. I'm going into this knowing that no review that I write can do justice to this book. But, if I can get just one other person to read Blood Meridian, I can die a happy man. So let's just start with the basics:
   Blood Meridian is the story of a drifter, known only as "The Kid". The Kid befriends (by fighting) a mutilated horse thief named Toadvine and the two of them eventually join up with the Glanton "Expedition" (gang) and commence to cut a bloody path to the sea.
   By far, the most interesting character in the book is Judge Holden. Over six feet tall and completely hairless, Judge Holden had an extensive knowledge of history and geology. He was skilled in both music (being a very good violin player) and language (being able to speak Dutch after sending just a little time in the company of a Dutchman). Oh, he was also a ruthless psychopath. In the novel, he even slaughters children and puppies.

Above: "Squeaks, the dolphin" portrays insane baby-killer Judge Holden in Sea World's Aqua-Tastic Blood Meridian SEAtacular!, as Krista and Brad (portraying marauding Delaware Indians) look on.

OK, here's the kicker. Remember when you were little kid and you learned that there had been a real Count Dracula? Well, there had been a real Glanton expedition and a real Judge Holden. Samuel Chamberlain, who rode along with gang, later recounted all the fun, good times, and senseless slaughter in his book "My Confession". It seems that the real-life Judge Holden was just as evil as Cormac McCarthy's fictionalized version. Hey kids, not only was there a real count Dracula, but he drank blood and could turn into a bat, too.
   That's it. That's all you need to know. Still not going the read it? Why the fuck not? Don't like Westerns? Well, Blood Meridian isn't a Western in the traditional sense. For one thing, there are not guys in white hats. Nearly every character is an amoral killer. Hell, McCarthy even avoided the "Nobel Savage" cliché that permeated so many attempts to deconstruct the Western myth. McCarthy's Indians aren't wise medicine men sitting stoically by the campfire patiently waiting to be slaughtered by the White man. No, his Indians aren't victims, they're blood thirty savages who kill babies by bashing in their skulls.
   Holy shit this is an insanely beautiful/horrific read and I'm running into too few people who've read it. And, to be honest, that's starting to piss me off. I know that, lately, I've been accused of being didactic, but you people NEED to read this book. You need to carry it around in your head, like your favorite song or your favorite movie. If you don't, I'm going to kill you.