Mommy's Little Monster by Social Distortion

"What's brown and found in a baby's diaper? Michael Jackson's hand."
- Dante. The Inferno, page 12

    Quick, name the album that best captures the zeitgeist of the sixties. If you said "Sgt. Peppers…um, whatever", then you're right. But you're also some sort of Beatles queer. If you said "The Velvet Underground featuring Nico", then you're even righter! But you're probably, also, some sort of music snob. I hate you. And I hate New York. So who had the correct vision of the times, The Beatles or The Velvets? The answer is easy - The Stones. But only because of Altamont. Let's move on.

    My point is that each age tends to gives birth to two kinds of art. The first appeals to a large segment of the population and reinforces (or, in some cases, creates) the popular mindset of the time. In the Seventies, that would be the Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack. The other type of art appeals to a minority and captures the undercurrent of the age. Never Mind The Bollocks. This rule doesn't just apply to music.1986 gave us both Top Gun and Platoon (And, according to the Internet Movie Database, a film called Anal Emergency Squad). Of course, you probably figured this out a long time ago. The only reason that I'm even bothering to bring this entire thing up, in the first place, is to set up the next paragraph.

    In 1982 Mike Jackson released Thriller. A few months later Michael Ness' Social Distortion released Mommy's Little Monster. Jackson would, of course, wind up living in his own private amusement park, having long chats with his pet llama and, occasionally, making a play for Macaulay Culkin's ass. Mike Ness, the founder of Social Distortion, worked, for awhile, at a 7-11. There is no God.

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson molests little boys."
- Plato. The Dialogs, page 91

    OK, what makes Mommy's Little Monster such a stellar achievement? While it certain is quite tight musically, it's not that much better - in that area- from anything created by Husker Du or Black Flag. Don't get me wrong, there's some brilliant playing and arranging - brilliant may be the wrong word. Effortless? Natural? Instinctive? Animal Cunning? - but that takes a back seat to the lyrics. Mike Ness understood, on a sub-conscious level, what other great lyricist like Woody Guthrie and Chuck Berry also knew - personal politics make for better songs. Jello Biafra got it wrong with his two-and-a-half minute whiny Poli Sci lessons. Henry Rollins got it wrong by subscribing to what my friend Chuck used to call the "Pain-Brain-Insane School of songwriting." (There's a Pain in my Brain and it's driving me Insane). Ness never claimed to be Daniel Webster. He just wanted to brink beer, play his guitar and sing about his life. Here are a few standouts:

"I love the sound when I smash the glass,
If I get caught they're gonna kick my ass."

    On the surface, that seems like a toss-away joke line. Now think about it. Aren't rebels supposed to be invincible? Who sings about getting their own ass kicked? This guy isn't the first bottle-hurler in music history; he's just the first to risk an ass-whoopin'. Tom Joad in a PIL shirt. Go, muthafugga, go!

"Last night a whore - found murdered in the streets
The skid row bums are just waking up."

    Springsteen, you ain't the Boss, no mo'. You could've opened Darkness on the Edge of town with those lines, but you didn't and now you're condemned to walk the Earth for the rest of your days mumbling "I wish I'd said that." Shit, I know that there are whores and bums galore in Jersey. How'd you miss 'em, Bossman?

"You beat us up when we're alone
Come back later and then you're gone
Now you're tucked away in your bed
And I've got stitches in my head"

    I'd always known that there was somebody else out there getting jumped by Jocks. Mike Ness's genius lay in his ability to take the shit that was dumped on him and turn it into poetry. When life hands you lemons, rub then into your enemies' eyes until they go blind…and bleed out the ass.

    Phun phact: During the Social Distortion / Youth Brigade tour (captured in the movie Another State Of Mind), Social D. were actually kicked out of the famous Discord house for hitting on the girlfriends of the guys in Minor Threat. The boys from LA just figured that if Ian and the lads were Straight Edge, then many of their women's needs weren't being met. If was a humanitarian thing, you see? That night, on stage in DC, Mike Ness dedicated the song 'Lude Boy to the Discord crowd. Whenever I'm asked to sum up the 80's punk scene, I refer to that moment.

"What do Michael Jackson and Kmart have in common? They both have boys' underwear half off."
- Saint Augustine of Hippo. The City Of God, page 21

"If only Mike Ness had learned to moonwalk."
- Rodney Anonymous. Conversation with Mother Theresa, 1991