"Silent Night, Holy Night"


I have sung this familiar carol a bazillion times and never noticed the powerful truth nestled in the first line alone...the first word, even. I'm sure it is because I recently returned from a "Silent Retreat." Yep, that meant no talking, only listening, for the whole time I was there. Amazingly, it wasn’t horrible. I would even go as far as to say it was...holy, if you will. Not in the angels-caroling-in-the-heavenlies kind of holy. More like, a newborn's cry-breaking-through-the-silence-and-the-night-in-the-middle-of-a-mess kind of holy.

I'm rounding the corner on year two of my one-year Sabbatical from writing. I'm just now beginning to be still long enough to hear that Voice in the silent night...so tender, so gentle, so small, like a baby. "Be still, and know that I am God." I am learning how to BE...

In the six years prior to my Sabbatical, I wrote thirteen books. If someone were to have asked me what I do for a living, I would have said, "I am an author." Who I am defined by what I do. You could say, I have been a human doing. In the stillness, I am becoming a human being. I am remembering who I am. And this is where my silent night turns into a holy night...as I learn how to...be still and know that I am God's...His child, His little girl, His beloved...not His do-loved, His be-loved.

In my ongoing attempt to shake up the traditional Cauble Christmas letter, and test my family's limits of love and loyalty for mom, I've asked each member to write a few sentences describing this past year for them. Here's the catch, no recap of all that we've done or accomplished in 2008. Instead, we will share what God is doing in us and who we are Becoming. I've already said more than enough about me, so I'll hand it off to Steve and the kids and then try to wrap this letter up before 2009. (Have mercy on me, I have a lot of words stored up from the past two years.)

Steve - I, for one, can't say that I'm unhappy to have 2008 over. Change has never come easily for me, and 2008 has required much more of it than usual. However, I can say with utmost confidence that because of God's faithfulness to me all along the way, I can face 2009 knowing that whatever happens, He will guide me and help me through.

Tucker - 2008 was a banner year for me in more than one way. I left both family and friends back in Texas and moved back to California in hopes of receiving a college education and, over all, just returning to my roots. What I ended up receiving was the realization that I really don't like to study at all. Or take tests. Or show up to class. Or even just get out of bed until the PM. Subsequently, my best friend turned roommate, Christian, and I spent a lot of the time while others were studying for something called "finals" off roaming around different parts of Los Angeles or going thru the entire catalog of Blockbuster movies. I guess this year marked my learning for the first time that there is no Human Relations/Music major that actually means just that. So I guess I"ll just stick with the whole General Education for now.

Haven - Willa Cather once said, "It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them." This year I have become vulnerable. Before, I had never cried in school; I was always the shoulder to cry on. I was the "strong" friend. The one people came to when they just wanted to be heard or listened to, and I really enjoyed fulfilling that. But, my whole role has changed in the past 12 months. The only way I can describe my life is...It is as if before it was a beautiful painting, then someone splashed water on it...now it is a goopy, ugly, mess. At first, I was very ashamed and wanted to pretend it was still a beautiful work of art...but now, I am almost proud to say it is a mess. Because not only is it my mess, I know that God is inside every part of that mess. I can say that I know what Christ means when He says that He is "close to the brokenhearted." I am so thankful ! that I have been through this hard time because without that I, the "strong leader," would have no reason to follow. I kept building my life to a point where I didn't "need" anyone, really...but I have come to realize that is exactly opposite of what is healthy. I need Jesus. I need my relationships with people. So, in 2008, my life is defined as "needy" and I am okay with that.

Clancy - Hello! Here is my chance to bare my soul to 300 of our closest friends. So, here goes...I feel like before this year I had a list of things that I needed to do for God that would equip me to be a good Christian light to the world. Sometimes I liked doing those things, but a lot of time I just did them because I felt like I had to. But now, God has ripped that list to shreds and given me passion for things that I never thought I would even want to do! Going to Africa (don’t worry you’ll get the donation letter in the mail soon) and providing shoes for kids who don't have any. This never would have even entered my mind as something I could do, much less, want to do! I have discovered that living with God is much different than living for God. Don’t get me wrong, I want to live for God but I've found that living with God infused into my everyday life is a much more exciting, passionate, and exhilarating ride.

As I read our family's reflections on this year, I realize that Jesus is still doing the same thing He did the very first Christmas...entering our world and meeting us right where we are. He is Emmanuel, "God with us," in the middle of our noisy days and yet His still, small voice most often resounds in our silent nights...and we experience Him. When all around us is change and instability, He shows up in a stable...and we rest with Him. When we don't know what to do or where to go, He places a light to guide us and waits for us...until we discover Him. We spend our lives trying to be strong and independent and God reveals Himself to us as a weak and dependant baby...and we cry with Him. We work so hard to prepare a home in us that is worthy of His presence and then He decides to show up in a messy, foreign place...and we embrace His mystery.

As we enter the New Year, may we all simply BE where we are and watch God show up.

Steve, Lisa, Tucker, Haven, Clancy and Donut

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