Thoughtless for the Day

Celso

2012-05-15T22:08:33Z

I'd just like to take a moment to say goodbye to my friend Celso Chavez.

Whether he was running from an alligator he'd playfully taunted, borrowing a golf-cart (I honestly believe he planned to return it) for a leisurely drive down the Las Vegas Strip, or dancing across a stage clad only in...OK, the less said about that incident, the better, Celso Chavez could crack up even the most stone-faced killjoy at a distance of 500 yards. If you were lucky enough to have known him, you'll always picture him with a smile on his face. If you never got to meet him, well, you missed out on what it must be like to hang-glide while juggling chainsaws and inhaling laughing gas. He was a one-man Disneyland of the Outrageous and he will be missed.

D.I.Y. (O.F.S.) Atari Punk Console: Part Juan

2012-05-06T18:35:20Z

Greetings fellow purveys of Filth. As the lazy days of early Summer slowly give way to the goddamn boring days of mid-to-late Summer, it becomes increasingly important to keep one's mind and hands occupied in an endeavor other than dropping flaming objects from atop an underpass unto the traffic below (This by no means constitutes any admission of guilt or wrongdoing in my upcoming trial).

So, what I'm suggesting is that we keep our troublesome little digits and brains busy by building The Mother of All Atari Punk Consoles. For those of you who are either unfamiliar with APC's or too young to have learned basic electronics from Forrest Mims , the Atari Punk Console was (and still is) a sort of early proto-noise synth, schematics of which appeared in one of the aforementioned Mr. Mims' instructional booklets under the title of "Tone Generator".

Forrest Mims created hand-drawn illustrations and hand-lettered text for many of his books and articles. He also killed a bear with a soldering iron(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

[I actually built an APC a little of 20 years ago. It sounded great, and I'm at a loss as to what ever happened to it]

In much the same as the electric guitar was invented by Spanish Conquistadors in the early 1500's, only to be forgotten and then rediscovered by one Professor Bo Diddle, PhD in the 1950's, so was the "Tone Generator" dropped down the memory hole until some smartass dug out his or her old electronics booklet, and rechristened the device the Atari Punk Console because it makes strange early video game-ish sounds. OK. Enough backstory; shit is about to get real.

Now, instead of giving you a list of parts up front (this whole project should probably run you under $20, by the way), I'm going to tell you what I'm using in each post. This way, if I deviate from the normal components, you won't be stuck with an extra 11 cent capacitor on your hands. The three components you'll definitely need to start off with (shown above, along with a missing 's' in the caption) are a printed circuit board ($2), a a 14-pin IC socket ($2 a pack - two to a pack!), and a 556 dual timer IC ($2). [All price approximate, so don't bitch to me later on if you blow your milk money on a 100k resistor]. Also, you might want to invest in a "breadboard" ($8) as this is a great way to test your layout before you solder.

I'm off to the West (evil) Coast next week to play some shows with the Milkmen, so we won't be getting to Part Two until I come back. While you're waiting, why not check out the Organization of Broken Toys and find out what happens when noise generating devices and disturbed individuals collide. Enjoy!

Related articles:

S.E.M;I-tunes

2012-05-05T01:22:33Z

Shit Luther, even Obi-Wan Kenobi looks good in a kilt.

Part of my job, as singer/keyboardist/stuntman for the world's shortest Rock 'n' Roll combo is to enlighten you violent uncouth savages to the soothing strains of the Music of Civilization. Id est, to introduce you to the the sounds of other Rock 'n' Roll combos, with whom you might not yet be familiar.

Such a band is S.E.M;I : a swinging little Industrial Rock combo out of California who aren't afraid to make spooky noises in a cemetery full of Cultists on meth [Full disclosure: I did an Anonymix of their song "Unseen". Also Screamin' Jay Hawkins is my main man. So don't bug me!

Download their stuff for cheap on iTunes or you'll never feel safe alone in your home again.

A Message from Synth-Poe

2012-04-22T14:10:34Z

Syth-Poe sez:
Something new, different, and wicked this way comes...soon.

The FOX News Defense

2012-04-21T14:56:54Z

Now, I'm no big-city lawyer like Mr. Atticus Finch over yonder. Whom, I may remind the the court, still refuses to play football for the Methodists. In fact, back in college, I once last so badly in Moot Court that my "client" had to spend a night in real jail (True story). That said, if I was George Zimmerman's defense attorney ~~I'd beat him over the head with my Doc Martens~~, the following would be my opening statement:

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I would like to open by conceding that my client is a wee bit of a homicidal douchebag. That said, I would like you to look upon the defendant, Mr. George Zimmerman as also being a victim.

George Zimmerman is a victim of thirty years of the "Southern Strategy". For most of his life, George Zimmerman was told - in subtle and not-so-subtle ways - by one of this country's two major parties that Blacks would take his job and ogle his women if he didn't vote for a tax break for his boss' boss.

George Zimmerman is a victim of every clown who ran for the office District Attorney, promising to be "Tough on Crime." Violent crime has been on a steady decline in this country for decades, but you can't expect idiots like my client to know that. He gets all of his "information" from FOX News and hillbilly emails, for Christ's sake. I shit you not; he actually believes that Gay Muslims are planning to outlaw Christmas and that the UN is going to ship him off to a "Reeducation Camp". No wonder he carried a gun in the shower. He was sold fear on a 24 Hour cycle. For the love of crap, he actually called Sean Hannity. I ask you, is calling Sean Hannity the act of a man with an average or above-average IQ?

And he's not alone. In nearly every neighborhood in this country there's "That crazy old man with the 'Rebel flag' and the shotgun." And when they're not busy posting their inane comments in the Charlie Daniels Soapbox, they're being egged on with mindless slogans like "Don't retreat; reload" and "Take your country back." It's a goddamn miracle we don't have ten Trayvon Martin shootings a day.

Destroy Improve Rebuild

2012-04-18T00:29:32Z

Hey delinquents of the non-juvenile variety, RATYHTL should be fully functional by this weekend, at the latest. In the meantime, in honor of our remodeling, here's the man you voted "most poke-able" in our 2011 Readers' Poll: Faderhead

[re]FIBRILLATOR (Clear!)

2012-04-14T23:06:51Z

Yes, I'm in the middle of redesigning the site, but I would be a bigger dick than I already am if I failed to mention that Angelspit were kind enough to include my remix of Defibrillator on their compilation [re]Fibrillator - along with remixes from Needle Factory, Patterns in the Ivy, The Judas Coven and a bunch of other folks I'm not fit to be in the company of. [Humblebrag: they took pity on an old man].

You can get all 13 remixes for free if you buy an Angelspit USB "Spit Pill" for $12. You can also spend a little extra and get your Spit Pill loaded up with other Angelspit music you might not own (someone swiped my copy of "Hideous and Perfect", so I'm gonna get that). Now, if you see me out and about (see sidebar to your right) and show me your Spit Pill, I'll by you a drink. [Offer void for people under 21]

Blogus Interuptus

2012-04-14T03:27:34Z

Hey folks, I'm going to finally get around to bring this blog back up to speed as well as to some freakish resemblance to life. Please bear with me; new posts coming soon and on a regular basis. Honest!

Hurdy Gurdy Tip # 438: String Hooks

2011-07-24T03:10:37Z

Last time in "Hurdy Gurdy Tips", I showed you how to punch a hippie square in his ugly bearded face and then swipe his hurdy gurdy while he lays helpless, weeping and curled up like a hacky sack ball. I think we all enjoyed that and learned a little about the fragile nature of the human skull in the process.

This time, acting on the advice of my lawyer, I'll show you a way to deal with the pesky problem of how to isolate the melody strings on your gurdy (odds are that you have adjustable bridges for your drone strings. If not, you can pick them up here from the good folks at Hurdy Gurdy Crafters). I should also point that this is not an entirely original idea. As you can see below, L-shaped hooks have incorporated into many gurdies for the purpose of lifting, and therefore isolating, the melody strings.

Image via Wikipedia

My problem was that I couldn't find any L-shaped hooks which would work with Vienna (my gurdy). My solution was to use cup hooks (available at your local hardware store) instead. Judging from their size, there must be a great deal of tiny cups out there.

I installed the hooks on both sides of Vienna's keychest (those red eyes belong to my friend Jody) so that they rest above and to the left or right of melody strings.

This way, when I need to isolate a string (for tuning, for example), all I need to do is to lift the sting and place it in the hook.

I was in a hurry to get this done because my other band, 25 Cromwell Street, will be playing a benefit for Beth Ann Lejman (formerly of the legendary Philly punk/funk band The Stick Men) this Saturday, July 30th at Connie's Ric Rac.

Anyone found not to be in attendance will be forced to wear scratchy undergarments.

Pray Away the Short

2011-07-12T22:21:56Z

Hello. My name is Rev. (thanks to a $20 "love offering" to the Church of Universality) Rodney P. Anonymous and I am an ex-short person. I'm here today...

"Wait a durn minute!" you're probably saying at this point. "How can you be an ex-short person? Doesn't your driver's license say you're only five-foot-five? Weren't you born short?"

First of all, no one is born short. Shortness is a lifestyle choice that short people make because they weren't exposed to enough positive tall role models during their childhood. Short people are barbarians who need discipline and...

"Aw for the Love of Crap!" you're more-than-likely screaming at your computer monitor right about now, "A freakin' lifestyle choice? Who, considering how our society treats short people, would actually want to be short? I mean, for one thing, don't short children (the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy) tend to get picked on a lot?"

To that I can only answer: Hey, I'm just trying to make a buck here. OK? Don't ruin this for me by asking a bunch of sensible questions. Once I found out that Marcus Bachmann (shown below walking in the most manly manner possible and not looking at all as if he were auditioning for Ru Paul's "Drag Race") was running a "Pray Away the Gay" clinic that has raked in $137,000 in tax-payer buckaroos, I realized that if it was possible to pray away homosexuality, then it was equally as possible to pray away shortness. Just think; Truman Capote could've been cured from two afflictions at once if only Pray Away the Short (or P.A.T.S. for short, or ex-short as the case may be) had existed years ago!

Allllrighty, I can almost hear some of you asking, "But wouldn't it be better just to teach short people to accept who they are and to be happy? And wouldn't it be better if society just learn to treat short people with tolerance and equality. Shouldn't the parents of short children just be happy that their children (the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy) are healthy and not give a rat's hindquarters whether or not they marry another short person? Wouldn't that be better?"

Better? Certainly. More profitable for yours truly? Certainly not!

Now, those of you with little faith might also ask, "Isn't this a scam?" Well, if my clinic is a scam, then Bachmann's clinic is a scam. And if Bachmann's clinic is a scam, then why is his wife running for President? Huh? Got ya' there!

In conclusion, please continue to pray (and send money - don't forget the money!) for both my ministry as well as myself to grow bigger every day. With God's help - and $137,000 in Medicaid reimbursements - I could be playing center for the 76ers by this time next year.

Oh-man.

8-Bit By A Rabid Squirrel (Part Three Faces of Eve)

2011-06-26T13:34:45Z

Our story so far: In Part One we learned how to add messed-up vocals and glitchy percussion to an 8-bit track, and while we didn't learn a whole lot about 8-bit music in Part Two, we did get to watch that sweet-assed POWERLIFTER video and learn what gives a song a "human" feel.

This time, we're gonna see if we make an 8-bit tune from scratch.

The first thing that we're going to need is a VST that can reproduce the simple sounds used to score 8-bit video games back in the 80's. And since we're all so broke that the soles of our shoes are so thin we can step on a piece of bubblegum and tell you what flavor it is, that VST should be free. Enter the LC 5000 (the pic below lies! The larger version can be found here)

Load the LC 5000 into your DAW de jour (I use FL Studio because I was teenaged hoodlum), and choose the preset called "Mr. Mapp". Phun Phactiod: I named this patch after my good friend, and musical legend (he once slew a frost giant), Dan Mapp.

Now we're going to re-visit the bassline from from Bitchin' Camaro that we looked at in Part Two. This time, instead of playing and recording the bass part, we're going to enter the bass notes one-at-a-time into the "piano roll", so that they look exactly like this:

See how neat and orderly the riff above looks as compared to that mess from Part Two? And look how much cleaner the the notation is:

And just get a load of how small Pablo's bald spot is! Let's stick some 8-bitish percussion under the riff and see how it compares to the earlier one. Here's the "original":

Bass run1 fretless by rodney-1

And here's the 8-bit version:

<="" embed="" height="81" width="100%">Bass run2 mr mapp by rodney-1

Not very interesting is it? Well, neither is your DNA. Seriously, your DNA is, quite frankly, boring! It's made up of just four crummy nucleotides. It's how those A's, G's, C's. and T's are arranged and mutated that make you you. If you mutate a few notes (and we have twelve to work with), you can turn a simple riff into a song. Let's add a very simple melody on top of the bass riff. Here it is:

And this is for those of you (snobs!) who can read music:

Here's how it sound put together with the bass riff & drums:

<="" param="" />Bass drums and melody1 by rodney-1

You can almost see a tiny 8-bit Prince Charles Manson leaping over magic mushrooms until he reaches the castle at Spahn Ranch and saves Princess Squeaky Fromme. OK, now it's time to build a song. We'll rearrange the parts a bit in order to have verses, choruses, and a break. Here's what the into, verse, and chorus sound like. The tempo is also a bit faster:

Intro verse chorus1 by rodney-1

Now. let's use a Gross Beat to do a little time manipulation as well adding a trance gate. If you string the whole thing together in Intro/Verse/Chorus/Verse/Chorus/Break/Chorus/Chorus/Outro fashion:

8 bit intro verse chorus etc by rodney-1

Now all we have to do is add few highly-processed vocals and we're done!

Shut Up Shannon by rodney-1

Well, it might not be high art, but the whole point was to learn a little bit about making 8-bit music. Now, if you're ever in a crowed place, and a madman marches in carrying a shot gun and announces "I'll kill anyone who doesn't have a a rough idea about how to creat a quick 8-bit song", you should be covered.

8-Bit By A Rabid Squirrel (Part Tu, Brute?)

2011-06-26T02:07:02Z

Image via Wikipedia

Were where we? Oh yeah, we were talking about 8-bit songs and I showed you how I added some percussion and strange vocodery crap to an 8-bit version of "Stuart" a friend of mind recorded.And then we cuddled and I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, both you and my wallet were gone.

While I weeping into my soggy pillow, I got an email from Dandrew Stevens who plays bass in the Dead Milkmen, bodhran in 25 Cromwell Street, and - according to the link above - produced a film called "Mongolian Death Worm" (A true Renaissance man. Which would also explain the rapier and tights). Since Dandrew has a keen interest in all forms of music (except, quite understandably, Appalachian Hog-Trumpeting), he wanted to know just how one goes about creating 8-bit tunes.

I was certain that I could quickly answer Dandrew's question, right up until the moment I realized that I honestly have no idea how it's done. Look; that fact I act like I know everything,is no reason for you folks to infer that I actually know everything. Or anything at all, for that matter.

To be honest (and I really need to cut down on being honest), all I knew about 8-bit is what I gleaned from this sweeeet PowerLifter video...

[Seriously, is this the greatest country on earth, or WHAT?] ... and from
mind.in.a.box's awesomely wonderful and wonderfully awesome Retro CD.

The only other thing I knew about 8-bit was that it all seemed very counter-
intuitive. When I record a track using my DAW, I want it to sound as "Live"
and non-mechanical as possible. I'll show you what I mean using Dave
Blood's famous bass-line from Bitchin' Camaro.

If I want to record a few bars of the bass riff, the first thing I would do is to
load a realistic sounding bass into FL Studio (In this example I'm using the
fretless bass from FL Slayer). I would then record myself either playing along
to click track, and then add some drums, or I would lay down some drums
and then record the bass on top of that. Either way, the end product would
sound like this:

Bass run1 fretless by rodney-1

Now, this is where it gets (sort of) interesting. If you take a look at that bass
riff in the "piano roll" it looks like this:

Notice how the notes don't line up perfectly with the lines? This is because
I'm a doctor, not a TB-303, damn it! This is also what gives a track a "human"
feel (well, this and many pounds of cocaine). Here's what the bassline would
look like if you wrote it out in musical notation:

Those notes are all over the place! Won't someone bring order to this chaos?
Well, that's exactly what we'll try to do (along with traveling back in time and
killing Hitler with a fuzzy pink slipper) in Part Three!

Related articles

8-Bit By A Rabid Squirrel (Part Juan) (rodneyanonymous.com)
Homebrew 8-bit computer (boingboing.net)
8-bit Invader + Super Mario Projection Mapping (ntaboo.wordpress.com)
8-Bit Version of Rebecca Black's "Friday" (neatorama.com)

8-Bit By A Rabid Squirrel (Part Juan)

2011-06-25T00:50:51Z

The other day, my buddy Patrick FunkEdelic Jennings posted the this on my Facebook page:

Dead Milkmen - STUART by FunkEdeliC KooPA

You might recognize that lovely melody as the Polovtsian Dance Number 2 (huh, huh "Number 2") by Alexander "Mo' bitches" Borodin, but did you know that it originates from a Dead Milkmen song called "Stuart"?

Anywhooo, one of the comments on Fezzzzbook suggested that I add some robotic vocals, which I did, along with some extra percussion. Oh, and I also needed to lengthen FunkEdelic's original version, as it was a verse too short.I decided to see if I could do all of that in under an hour. Here's the end result:

8 bit Stuart by rodney-1

And here's how I did in 59 minutes and 59 seconds:

First I needed to get my hands on FunkEdelic mp3 of the song. The free version of SoundCloud doesn't give you the option to allow downloads (you bastards!), so I used a a program called ARWizard (you can download the demo, which allows you to grab about three minutes worth of sound - which is approx. 9 Ramones songs - for free) to capture the mp3.

ARWizard looks like this, by the way:

And, yes, I could've asked FunkEdelic to send me the mp3, but the clock was ticking.

Now that I had the song, it was time to load it into my DAW of choice (which, for me, happens to be FL Studio) and do some weird crap to it. The first step was to insert an instance of Edison and then load the sample into that for editing.

As I said before, the version that FunkEdelic posted was missing a verse (or maybe our version was a verse too long? Who am I to judge?) I needed to lengthen to the sample. Fortunately, the first verse repeats itself, so I just found the right endpoint, copied what I needed, and appended it to the beginning of the song (if this sounds complicated, trust me; it wasn't. Remember; I'm not Rick Wakeman I play keyboards in the Dead Milkmen).

Now all I needed to do was to trim the section where the two parts met (can you hear the splice on the finished version? Listen to the bit right before "You know that Johnny Wurster kid...") and I had my backing track, which I then exported to the "playlist" (Don't worry; this will all make sense).

Since I can never leave well enough alone, I decided that the track could use some extra percussion, so I opened up Drumaxx, searched around a bit, and was happy to find a kit called "Computer Drums FG". Since I was down to roughly the 30 minute mark at this point, I decided to go with a preset rather than create my own drum part and...

Oh, sweet mutha of crap! I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you how I determined the tempo of FunkEdelic's mp3. I can be such an asshole sometimes. Edison has an auto-detect feature for tempos. Just right-click on the sample rate and it'll appear.

What? You thought I set there with a fuggin' metronome? What is wrong with you people?

Where was I? Oh yeah, after I added the drum parts to the playlist...

And the winner is...

2011-02-26T16:02:00Z

Here's the winner of the Angelspit video competition. Which brings us to today's question: Why aren't Angelspit selling out stadiums?

A Brief History of God: the mini-movie

2011-01-17T19:19:38Z

I wish I could carry this movie around with (OK, I guess if I ponied up and bought a smartphone, I could) and play it whenever I'm asked why I don't believe in God. Of course, it's always the God of Abraham that they're asking me about; it's never Zeus, Odin, or Ra.