Put the 'X' back in Christmas / Happy Birthday Dionysus
Let us pause for a moment and offer a silent word of thanks to that unknown
linguistic prankster who, in the later half of the 20th Century, coined
the phrase "Put the 'Christ' back in Xmas."
Now, those of you who are already aware that the term "Xmas" predates
"Christmas" by close to a millennium may skip down a few paragraphs: there
are some nice thoughts about Dionysus down there.
The 'X', of course, is derived from the Greek letter chi (x), the first
letter of Khrstos (Xhrstos) and has been used for thousands of years as
an abbreviation of 'Christ'. By the way, the second letter, eta (h)
resemblance to the Roman letter 'H' has come down to us as the initial
of Jesus' middle. Yes, this is where "Jesus H. Christ comes from.
But I digress…
If my memory serves me correctly, the term "Xmas" is used in the Book
of Kells which was written in the 9th Century. If it isn't in there,
it damn well should be! So, if you're the curator of the museum in which
the Book of Kells resides, you might wanna pencil "Xmas" in there
somewhere. A friend once showed me a copy of a 16th Century book in which
the term "X'temmas" was used for Christmas…and then showed me a shrunken
head that he smuggled out of Borneo. But, again, I digress…
As time marched on, 'Xmas' tended to be used predominantly by educated
persons familiar with Greek (like us, only not as good-looking). It was
one of these educated persons who, as the story goes, begat the meme "Put
the 'Christ' back in Xmas" as a way of mocking many Americans' ignorance
of history and linguistics ("Put the 'Christ' back in Xmas" being
equivalent to "Put the 'Christ' back in Christmas"). In an exquisite act
of irony, the phrase was adopted by the very people it mocked and took
on a whole new life.
If Yuletide ignorance ended there, I could knock of writing right now and
go back to bed. Sadly, stupidly never takes a nap, so I have a few more
axes to grind.
The Committee to Save Merry Christmas (who can be emailed here:
contact@savemerrychristmas.org) and several other hilariously name groups
have banded together in a boycott of stores which use the terms "Happy
Holidays" or "Seasons Greeting" instead of "Merry Christmas" or "Get Down
on Your Knees and Worship Christ Before I Paint the Sidewalk with Your
Brains, Fuckin' Heathen!"
These people would have an excellent point if a) they weren't totally
retarded and b) there were not other holidays taking place this
time of year.
When not blowing themselves up or covering their women with bed sheets,
our Muslim friends will be celebrating Ramadan which commemorated the
Prophet Mohamed's marriage to the entire 4th Grade class of PS 1138.
Ironically, as Ramadan is winding down, our Jewish amigos are getting all
fired up for Chanukah. Which, if my copy of The Protocols of Zion
is correct, involves eight nights of eating Christian babies. Bon
appetite, Sol.
But Arabs and Jews aren't the only groups that you wouldn't want your
sister to marrying into who'll be celebrating in December. Folks of African
heritage (which is, technically, al of us) will be gathering around a
boiling pot of Missionary for Kwanzaa: a celebration of the Detroit Pistons
1989 victory over the LA Lakers.
Stephen Hawking (with the help of a vocoder) once said that "religion is
the study of man; physics is the study of God" before doing a really boss
peel-out with is wheelchair. You can combine celebrating God and Physics
by celebrating Isaac Newton's birthday on December 25. Alexander Pope
(who was born on May 21st: Dead Milkmen Day!) had the following to say
about Newton:
"Nature, and Nature's laws lay hid in night;
God said, 'Let Newton be!' and all was light."
Unfortunately, since Pope tended to write in couplets, he didn't have room
for the following:
"Throughout the land - let all the bells toll
'Newton, Newton… God, what an asshole'."
Of course Isaac Newton wasn't the only famous person born on December 25th.
Newton shares his birthday with a very good friend of mine. A fellow with
a divine father and a mortal mother. A fellow who died and was reborn. A
fellow who ascended skyward, coming to sit at his father's right hand.
That's right, I'm talking about Dionysus.
In honor of the birthday of the patron God of RATYHTL, I've taken an old
poem and updated it a little.
Happy Birthday Dionysus!
Momma said that you made wine
and that you had a birthday
every year at this time.
She explained how Lycurgus hurt you
with his awful naughty men,
but said you got your revenge
for Meanads like me back then.
She said about Silenus
who kindly took you in.
I'd let you have my blanket
if I was there back then.
She said that you are watching
everything we do
Her and daddy and granny
and Juliet Lewis too.
I liked when momma told me
how you descended into Hades,
so that you could rescue your mother
and impress all the ladies.
Momma said a Bacchanalia is what we celebrate
because on this day you were born
So I hope I'm not too late
to wish you a
Happy Birthday!
And dear Dionysus I'll be true 'cause
Momma says if I was good
you'd let me live with you…
and Juliet Lewis too
Little Sindy 1969
OK, people, I'm going to take a few days off to catch up on some work and
to celebrate Dionysus' birthday. Look for some gingerbread photos late in
the week.
Happy Holidays,
And, lo, they saw a star in the East. Thanks to the Amazing James Randi
for the link.
The ancient Greek word of the day is:
upo nukta - under cover of the night
If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.
The Latin word of the day is:
umbrosus-a-um - full of shadows
Rodney on 12.21.04 @ 03:13 PM EST [link] [4 Comments]
Before I tell you how to assemble that gingerbread house that you baked
