Thoughtless for the Day

Thursday, March 3rd

Jude Law


White, Christian Terrorists Strike: No Roundup of White Christians Planned

cotc (16k image)Earlier this week the husband and mother of Federal Judge Joan Humphrey
Lefkow were murdered, according to many people who carry badges, sport
crew-cuts, and own a dozen pairs off blue underwear, by what were most
likely members of a white supremacist group. Either that or Nicole
Simpson's REAL killers have struck again!!!


Most fingers are pointing in the direction of the followers of Matt Hale
who lists his job title as "Pontifex Maximus" of the World Church of the
Creator. Pontifex Maximus Hale is presently cooling his heels in a
correctional facility awaiting sentencing for attempting to arrange Judge
Lefkow's murder. It's seems that he was angry at Lefkow over her earlier
ruling that another group of pathetic, insane, bed-wetting weirdoes owned
the name "World Church of the Creator."

Back in '99, by the way, Hale called for "racial holy war". This call was
taken up by Hale follower Benjamin Smith, who went on a three-day shooting
spree killing two people, (including former Northwestern University
basketball coach Ricky Byrdsong) and wounded nine (That's a pretty crappy
average for a "soldier" of the White race) before killing himself.

If you want to see hypocrisy in action, take a tour of the right wing blogs
and see how they treat this story. Whenever some Muslim Allahole kills
someone the rightwing immediately respond with a deluge of "Islam: The
Religion of Peace - HA!" rants. Where are the demands that the FBI
infiltrate churches? Do you think that it's only a coincidence that,
earlier today, the BTK killer met with is pastor?

Sweet Mother of Hubbard - A the family of a Federal Judge have been
viciously murdered by religious fanatics will cells on American soil.
Should we raise the Terror Alert Warning to Burnt Sienna, or Iridescent
Puce, or something.


Thou Shalt Have No Other Website Before RATYHTL

While we're on the subject of religion and Law, I would be remiss if I
failed to mention to write about the Supreme Court's hearing of two cases
involving this display of the Ten Commandments on public property.

True; I've writing extensively on this topic and you already know my
position, right? Wrong. You probably think that I feel every single copy
of the "Ten rules for a happier Bronze-Age society" should be ripped from
the walls of every US courthouse and replaced with a sculpture of Karl
Marx reading the Karma Sutra. That's not exactly correct.

For example, I have absolutely no beef what-so-ever with the depiction of
Moses holding the Ten Do' and Don't's of the kosher crowd on the wall of
the Supreme Court building. On second thought, make that almost
beef what-so-ever. My fist objection would, of course, be with those who
use the presence of the Commandments (featuring Lionel Ritchie) on the
Supreme Court's premises as fodder for their half-assed arguments for the
necessity to "Put Gawd back in the gubberment." Secondly, most
archeologists agree that the Biblical story of Exodus was pure fiction.

The reason that I'm pretty much OK with the Ten Commandments and Snow White
as they appear on the Supreme Court building is because they're presented
as part of a "history of laws and lawgivers" which includes Confucius,
Solon, and Mohamed (Daily doze of irony: Muslims once petitioned to have
the image of Mohamed removed from the Supreme Court building because
any representation of the Prophet's features is forbidden under Sharia.
Jews and Christians, of course, have no prohibitions against Graven Images).

One great thing about the Supreme Court's depiction of Moses is his beard:
it flows down over the Ten Commandments, obscuring the "Thou shalt not"s
(written in Hebrew and thus reading from right-to-left) and transforming
God's instructions to the Israelites into "Kill", "Steal", and "Covet."
Bless you, Rabbi Bugsy Siegel.

So, if you're display of the Ten Commandments is placed in a historical
context I won't be losing any sleep over it. Particularly if that
historical context includes The Code of Hammurabi, from which many scholars
believe the Ten Commandments were stolen.

A Kentucky courthouse tried to get around this "historical context" thing
by adding copies of the Declaration of Independence and the Star Spangled
Banner (Which was described as "inspiring American revolutionaries'
despite having been penned during the War of 1812).

Of course there's still the question of "Which Ten Commandments?" Shit
Luther, you mean that there are more than one set of Commandments? There
are at least three; and as many as five.

Jews, for example, translate the Fist Commandment as "I am the Lord thy
God, who brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of
slavery" while Catholics read it as "I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt not
have strange gods before me" (Normal Gods, sure; but no strange ones!),
and the Protestants come up with "Thou shalt have no other gods before me"
(Strange or otherwise).

Well, this is what you get when you translate something from Hebrew ("The
Ten Utterances" עשרת הדברות) into Greek ("Decalogue" δέκα λόγοι), then into
Latin and, finally, into English. Now you see why I encourage all of you to
learn Greek and Latin (I'm assuming that either you're all Jewish and
already know Hebrew or, failing that, at least know a Hebrew)?

Hell, even the placement of commas (non existent in Hebrew, Greek, and
early Latin) can cause an irreparable schism. Check out how the
Protestants punctuate the following sentence:

Verily, I say unto thee, This day thou shalt be with me in Paradise.

In other words, the thief on Jesus' left (or right? If you know; email me)
will be playing Yatzee with the Big J.C. in Heaven before midnight.

Here's how the Papists precariously punctuate:

Verily I say unto thee this day, thou shalt be with me in Paradise.

Translation: "Someday, and I'm not being specific as to when, you and I
will do lunch at the Paradise Café." This version leaves room for the
concept of Purgatory which, coincidently, Protestants don't believe in.

Now you see why I encourage all of you to be Atheists?

_ . _

If you missed me on Paul's show yesterday, you can listen at your leisure
here.

_ . _




gonzale5 (19k image)


She's made us all believe in the power of Love in such films as
4 Fantastic Fucking Hours of Big Dicks and Bringing Up the Rear

He plays guitar and writes songs.

Happy birthday to ...

Ona Zee who turns 51 today.

And Robyn Hitchcock who turns 52.




The ancient Greek word of the day is:
skaioj - clumsy, stupid.

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.



The Latin word of the day is:
requiescunt - they relax





Rodney on 03.03.05 @ 03:09 PM EST [link] [No Comments]


Tuesday, March 1st

Unfunny at any speed: Billy Crystal


foxx1 (29k image)I'll get to the OSCAR bashing in a moment. First I'd like to discuss
"Teh Worst Movie Evar." How often have you been sitting around
with a group of friends when someone brings up a movie like Glitter
and declares it "The Worst Movie Ever."

"No way," someone will immediately chime in, "I mean, sure Glitter
is a painful experience, but Going Ape! is hands-down The Worst
Movie Ever. Hey, Tony Danza and a monkey: can I get a witness?"

"Wrong. If you wanna see BAD; you have got to see Baby Geniuses."

It's probably easier to get people to agree on the best film ever made
(Try it; they'll either choose Citizen Kane or The Godfather
- unless you pose the question to a group of idiots picketing a Planned
Parenthood, in which case the answer will be Stroker Ace) than on
the worst: Until now. Ladies, gentlemen, and Ben Schumin; from this day
forward, whenever you're asked to name The Worst Movie Ever, you will
(without a moment's hesitation) cry out …

The House by the Cemetery

AKA The House Outside the Cemetery

AKA Zombie Hell House

AKA Quella villa accanto al cimitero


Before you email me to argue the dubious merits of some other appalling
flick, I ask (dare?) you to rent The House by the Cemetery. If you
manage to make it through this truly awful tale of a New York City family
(played by Italian - not Italian-American - actors) who relocate upstate
only to (gradually, despite clues that Stevie Wonder couldn't miss)
discover that there's a deranged killer living in their basement.

Some people will no doubt attempt to dismiss HbtC by claiming that it
doesn't deserve the title of The Worst Movie Ever because it's a
low-budget, foreign horror flick. "After all," they'll argue, "aren't
mega-budget Hollywood disasters like Battlefield Earth or The
Alamo
more deserving of honor?"

Hey, just because HbtC was made on a shoe-string doesn't excuse either its
stupidity-propelled plot (the "hero" fails to notice that the tombstone in
his living room - yes, his living room! - is inscribed with the name of
the scientist whom he's been researching) or the decision to dub the voice
of the young son (named "Bob Boyle", who gets to deliver the immortal line
"Ann? Mommy says you're not dead. Is that true?") with the voice of an
actor attempting (in the most unconvincing manner imaginable) to sound
like a child.


Phun Phact via the Internet Movie Database: "One of the early VHS issues
of House By the Cemetery in America got several of the film's reels
out of order, further confusing the already erratic story."

OK, now that we can all agree on "Teh Worst Movie Evar.", we can
talk about the Oscars … which I watched about a total ten minutes of.

Shit Luther, I would've watched even less of the Oscars had they once again
been hosted the painfully schmaltzy / testicular cancer causing Billy
Crystal
. I can only hope that Billy's ouster as host is the beginning of a
much deserved career slide that culminates in a destitute Crystal being
forced to appear at children's birthday parties, receiving, as compensation
for a 12 hour work-day, whatever loose change and bits of food he can dig
out from beneath the sofa cushions.

This year's Oscars were, of course, hosted by Chris Rock - because he's
"edgy". OK, you and I might never describe Chris Rock as "edgy" but,
by the standards of Hollywood - wherein a rim-lapper like Billy Crystal is
deemed to be next Lenny Bruce - he's edgier than the late, great G.G. Allin
hosting a puppet show in the Burn Ward of a children's hospital. A truly
"edgy" host would've opened with something like this: "Good evening members
of the Academy. It's an honor to be hosting and I'd just like to say…TOM
CRUISE IS GAY. SCIENTOLOGY IS BULLSHIT. ACID IS GROOVY - KILL THE PIGS!
MILLION DOLLAR BABY IS HIGHLY OVERRATED!"

Speaking of Million Dollar Baby, why does everybody have to pretend
that Hillary Swank is attractive? Sure, we all feel sorry for her because
she wasn't nominated for her portrayal of Seabiscuit, but that's no
reason that society must collectively pretend that she's pretty. People,
the reason why she wore that backless gown was to draw attention away from
her face. There, I said it.

And while we're on the subject of the overrated, let's talk about Jamie
Foxx who stole the Oscar which rightfully belonged to Don Cheadle. Foxx is
a mediocre, at best, actor and I can't wait until The Curse of Oscar
claims him as another victim.

What? You've never heard of The Curse of Oscar. Some historians trace The
Curse of Oscar back to 1990 (The first year that Billy Crystal as tapped to
host the show and to empty out the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion's septic tanks
with the aid of a drinking straw ), when the award for Best Actor went to
Daniel Day-Lewis. Next stop for the hyphenated Mick? The woefully boring
Last of the Mohicans.

Jeremy Irons, who picked up the golden statue for Best Actor in 1991 would
go on to appear in such celluloid atrocities as Dungeons & Dragons
and The Time Machine.

1999's Best Actor "winner" Roberto Benigni (suspected of providing Bob's
voice in HbtC) ended up in Pinocchio (AKA Roberto Benigni's
Pinocchio
. AKA A Steaming Pile of Shit

"Enigmatic" actor Kevin Spacey would get his Oscar the next year. Followed
by starring rolls in Pay It Forward and KPAX.

Remember 2002's winner Adrien Brody? He's latest project is a re-make of
King Kong.

So what's does the future hold for Jamie Foxx? Well, and I'm NOT making
this up, next year he'll be coming to the big screen (or, more likely,
directly to video) as Detective Ricardo Tubbs in film version of Miami
Vice
. The Curse strikes again.

_ . _


gonzale5 (19k image)


She's the star of Royal Ass Force and D-Cup Discipline
He's was Opie Taylor and Ritchie Cunningham

Happy birthday to ...

Tiffany Walker who turns 29 today.

And Ron Howard who turns 51.




The ancient Greek word of the day is:
paxuj - thick, stout, fat.

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.



The Latin word of the day is:
potio - drink





Rodney on 03.01.05 @ 01:14 PM EST [link] [21 Comments]


Sunday, February 27th

I'm wearing my Horowitz


network (24k image)Hey there, teenage assault-rifle enthusiasts. Sorry about not writing for
a few days, but I've been busy enjoying the two-week-trial-version-of-
Napster experience. Since I have a dial-up modem, it took me nearly 72
hours (plus 40 cups of coffee and a bottle of those "much too strong for
the casual dieter" pills) to download the entire Mediaeval Baebes catalog.

Now, before you do anything else, I want you to open up this link in a
separate window while I stick my head out of my front door so that I may
better hear your collective gasps of "What the PFMYV is this shit?"

Good question. On first inspection, it appears to be a rather haphazard
attempt to link harmless wimp-liberals, Left-leaning b-list celebrities,
and convicted murderers with the 9/11 hijackers. Which is quite a public
service, if you really think about it (not recommended), since, up until
now, most Americans were woefully ignorant of the numerous connections
between the host ofThe Prairie Home Companion, Garrison Keillor,
and al Qaeda. Holy bat-shit, Robin!

Discover the Network appears to be the reptilian brainchild of
former-Leftist-turned-mercury-drinking-Reactionary David Horowitz. For
those of you keeping score, the launch of DtN marks the point at which Mr.
Horowitz lost the last, tiny scrap of credibility that he had been saving
in his gym locker. I ask you, gentle reader, is there anything sadder than
witnessing a once great man devolve into a finger-pointing, paranoid
asshole? Of course there is: the ending of Silent Running. When the
camera pulls back to show that little robot, all alone, watering the trees
and plants. That's what happens when you leave an entire space station in
the hands of a hippie like Bruce Dern (Who's not mentioned - at least not
yet - on DtN).

I bet you think that I'm pretty pissed off about Discover the
Network
. Oddly, I'm not. Sure, I'm deeply hurt that my name hasn't
been added to their list of Enemies of the People (Shit Luther, if
Alexander Cockburn of Counterpunch can get a listing, why cant I?
After all, people actually read my site.). No, I have healthy
respect for DtN (not as a bold attempt at propaganda; it's a complete
failure in that department) - as art.

When asked to provide a definition for "Hard core" pornography, Justice
Potter Stewart famously replied, "I can't define it, but I know it when I
see it." That's exactly how I feel about art (and "Hard core" pornography)
and, from my mouth to Hubbard's ear, Discover the Network (which,
in coming months, will be attempting to link Captain Kangaroo with
ineffectual shoe-bomber Richard Reid) is the Nude Descending a
Staircase
of nutjob web sites.

By the way, here are a few other things that I know to be art:

Crank phone calls.

Cow tipping.

Pope tipping.

That "line dance" thing they do on Soul Train.

Hockey.

So how did I become so knowable about the world of art? That's easy; I live
in Philadelphia. Philly has more public art than any other city in the
world. Philly is the home of Auguste Rodin's The Thinker. Philly
graffiti artist "Cornbread" once spray-painted his name on an elephant at
the zoo.

Despite our rich artistic history, our largest art museum is known as the
Philadelphia Museum of Art (as if there were only one art museum in the
entire city), while Philly's retarded kid brother, New York City, is home
to "the Met", "the Guggenheim", and "the Whitney": all of which suck a
surprising amount of rabid mongoose ass when compared to the far superior
Philadelphia Museum of Art. Yet the Philadelphia Museum of Art's is best
know not for its Marcel Duchamp collection (or as the place where Gerald R.
Ford lost his virginity), but for serving as a prop in Rocky.

Anyhoo, until May 15 the Philadelphia Museum of Art (which, from this day
hence, shall be known as "the Phart") is hosting a centennial retrospective
exhibition of the works of Salvador Dalí
. This, of course, means what I've
been treated a chorus of mouthed-breathing dullards complaining that, when
it comes to anything from Modern Art to personal hygiene, they "just don't
get it."

I like Modern Art for the best of all possible reasons: because both
the Nazis and the Communists hated it.

The Nazis' hatred of Modern Art no doubt stemmed from the fact that many
Cubists, Surrealists, and employees of Pottery Barn drew inspiration from
the ideas of Freud, Einstein and Marx (Jew, Jew, semi-Jew). The Nazis even
went so far as to organize an exhibit of "degenerate" art; which leaves me
with the mental image of an SS officer filing past a Picasso and mumbling,
"Gott in Himmel. Meine kliene Otto could paint that. Vie ist diss guy
considered such hot schnitzel, aber Der Fuhrer could never sell one of his
wunderbar landscapes? Ich just don't get est."

One of the many ironies of the Third Reich (like the fact that they were
all gayer than the nominees for Best Costume Design
), is that the Nazis
considered Modern Art to not only be "degenerate", but "Bolshevik" to (Das)
boot. You see, the Communist had banned Modern Art. Why? Because, according
to the higher-ups in the Party, the workers "just didn't get it." Sorry
Yuri, but that Pollack reproduction has been deemed to be counter-
revolutionary as well as pretentious.

Someone else who "just didn't get it" was US Congressman George A. Dondero
who, like the Nazis, attempted to link Modern Art to Communism (Much in the
same way the folks at Discover the Network have attempted to link
the late Fred "Mr." Rogers to Hezbohla) and strove to "protect and preserve
legitimate art as we have always known it in the United States."

One last thought. Have you ever seen that huge (12 foot high by 235 foot
wide) on the wall of LaGuardia Airport? The work was called FLIGHT;
it was painted, over three years (1939-42), by James Brooks, and funded by
the WPA. In1952 FLIGHT was deemed to be "too socialist" by a
committee of Fucking Neanderthals who "just didn't get it" and covered with
a coat of gray paint. It would remain that way until 1980 when it was
restored - much to the delight of James Brooks.



gonzale5 (19k image)

Happy OSCAR Night birthday to ...


Luigina. The star of Teenage Anal Princess
is no longer a teenager, but still a princess; she turns 20 today.

While Elizabeth Taylor star of one of teh best movies evar -
Suddnely, Last Summer - turns not 72.




The ancient Greek word of the day is:
qakew - sit.

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.



The Latin word of the day is:
cena - dinner





Rodney on 02.27.05 @ 12:23 PM EST [link] [8 Comments]




divide2 (4k image)

Home
Archives
Ronald Reagan in Hell
RATYHTL Store
The Paul Kircher Show
The Dead Milkmen

March 2005
SMTWTFS
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  



Powered By Greymatter

cobb (33k image)