Thoughtless for the Day

Quid ergo?

Q: When was the last time that the Terror Alert Level was raised to
"Orange" and when was it lowered back to "Yellow"?

A: The threat level was raised to "Orange" in July of 20004 and lowered
back to "Yellow" five hours after Bush was elected


Originally I hadn't planned to write anything about Gannon-Gate. Partly
because I'm getting a little bored with the echo chamber that this site
is turning into (Sure, I know that I'm right all of the time but
would it kill you people to disagree with me every now-and-then?), but
mostly because I thought that many on the Left were making a mountain out
of a rather tiny bulge.

For those of my readers who spend most of the week as Trappist Monks, I'll
recap the story:

Until recently Jeff Gannon was an employee of Talon News ("Your
source for unbiased news coverage and no-spin reporting"), which appears
to be a web site that specializes in "news" in reprinting Republican
National Committee and White House press releases ( Both Talon News
and the similarly fucktarded GOPUSA are owned by the same former
Texas delegate to the 2000 Republican convention).

It was in his capacity as a "reporter" for Talon News that, for two years,
Mr. Gannon was allowed to attend White House press briefings where he
either pitched the softest of softball questions (At a January 26th press
conference Jeff, making a reference to Harry Reid and Hillary Clinton,
asked George Bush "How are you going to work with people who seem to have
divorced themselves from reality?") or repeated talking points raised by
such luminaries as Rush Limbaugh.

The problem (apart from the parroting of Right Wing insanity, of course)
is that Jeff Gannon isn't really Jeff Gannon. Jeff's real name is James D.
Guckert. And James D. Guckert had a sideline - as a $200-per-hour "escort".
It's unlikely that Mr. Guckert was working undercover (huh, huh) while
researching his article "Kerry Could Become First Gay President".

At first I thought "So what if Guckert/Gannon had a Day Pass to the White
House press room?" Shit Luther, those things are easier to come by than a
loofah sponge in Bill O'Reilly's shower. Nathan even had one back when Mel
Gibson's The Passion was released (Sadly, Ari Fleischer refused to
acknowledge Nathan's raised hand, so Nathan never go to ask his question -
"Mr. Fleischer, does the President fear that the blatant homoeroticism of
The Passion might encourage young people to experiment with…you
know…Gay stuff?" ). So I just planned on ignoring the whole thing.

Then two things happened. The first was that I learned that Guckert/Gannon
is an alumnus of the same collage as me - West Chester University (The
official college of High School dropouts). As it turned out, Jeff/James
and I attended WCU at the same time. Since Guckannon was a member
(in the fullest sense of the word) of the TKE fraternity, it's very likely
that he beat me up on at least two occasions (For free! Nowadays Jeffames
would charge at least $400 for that kind of action. Plus another $50 for a
"Happy ending.") Wow, brush with fame.

The other thing that happened was the Right Wing media has completely
ignored Gannon-Gate. I don't think the "military escort" has been mentioned
once on FOX News. And our good friend and "comfort woman" Michelle Malkin
has also failed to mention the mini-scandal (Although the pugnacious
Pacific Islander has devoted plenty of space to the many troubles of CNN's
Eason Jordan)

But what pisses me off the most about Gannon-Gate has to be the attitude of
the members of the mainstream press who have covered the story. Sure Jeff
Gannon may've been a profession lap dog ("Happy ending" extra), but - in
the wake of 9/11 - so was almost every other reporter.


Further Reading:

Trappist Monk Cartoons!

A child's garden of hemp

The smoking scalp

Today's Celebrity Birthdays:

Kassi Nova. The star of Titty Titty Bang Bang and Who
Shaved Cassi Nova? turns 39 today.

While Molly Ringwald of Betsy's Wedding fame turns 37.




The ancient Greek word of the day is:
pollakij - often.

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.


The Latin word of the day is:
saepen - often






Rodney on 02.18.05 @ 03:00 PM EST [link] [No Comments]

Choosey Mothers

Before we get to Blair / Lisa Whelchel's February E-Letter, there are two
things that I'd like to briefly touch on.

First, did any of you catch Hardball last night? If you didn't, you
missed a debate between McLaughlin Group paperweight Tony Blankley
and (I shit thee not) Democracy Now's Amy Goodman. The debate
itself wasn't that interesting. What was strange was that MSNBC broke the
accepted mold of having a Right Winger debate a moderate Democrat by
having a drooling Reactionary debate an actual Progressive.

I'd give Chris Mathews a bucket of praise if he hadn't proved himself to
be completely insane by, later in the show, proclaiming both
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and The Sixth Sense to be "The best movie I
ever saw."

Michelle Malkin has, of course, been on Hardball. Remember when she
suggested that John Kerry shot himself in the ass? Anyhoo, the second thing
I to touch in is that in yesterday's Thoughtless I forgot to mention
why Malkin had posted all of this derogatory remarks that the
students of Emory College had posted about her (my favorite being "Some
people just need editors...or a smack in the head with a pillow case full
of weasel shit."). Well, it seems that the frothing Filipino was trying to
make a point about Liberal intolerance. I wonder if she's ever checked out
what Right Wingers have to say about the like of Al Frankin and Michael
Moore? Is someone suggesting that Malkin "get tossed in a camp and get to
live out her 'Comfort Woman' fantasy" any worse than Anne Coulter calling
Liberals traitors?

That said, it's Monthly Whacko Child Star E-Letter time! Remember; keep
your hands inside the web site at all times.

February 2005 E-Letter

Yeah, it's here! The Busy Mom's Guide to Prayer is now a reality. For
those of you who regularly read my journal entries you may remember me
telling you about the Prayer journal system I designed for myself last
summer. Well, it really struck a chord with moms. Apparently I'm not
the only mom who feels guilty about her prayer life, or lack thereof.

It' here! It's here; it's here; it's here! Did you hear that, fuckers?
It's here! The Busy Mom's Guide to Prayer is now a reality and no
longer just the dream of a madwoman. People, my mother will be the first
to admit that she did an incredibly shitty job of raising me, but I'm sure
that she'd agree that she would've only screwed up my formative years even
more by wasting a large chunk of her day praying.

Odd, isn't it, that Blair feels guilty about her lack of prayer life but
not about putting hot sauce on her children's tongues?

Howard Publishing found out about my prayer journal and asked if they could
make it into a book for all of the other busy moms who were looking for
some help with their prayer life. When they asked me to write a brief
explanation of the book, I wrote the following little description.

1 Busy Mom
10 Minutes a Day
20 Days a Month
120 Power-full Prayers
An Infinity of Blessings

1 Bucket Feces (Preferably Bull)

Do you feel guilty about not spending more time in prayer? Do you have
the best intentions to intercede for your family, friends and the world,
yet when it comes to spiritual warfare you feel more like a POW or MIA
than a prayer warrior? If you are like most busy moms, the reality is
you barely have enough time and energy to offer up a few broad stroke
prayers in the morning, a handful of crisis "popcorn petitions" throughout
the day, and a final exhausted plea when you collapse into bed.

Hmmm…no. If I feel the need to intercede for my family, friends or the
world then I either speak up or do something. I don't ask so invisible
being to do it for me. Unless you want to count Dionysus - and I try not
to bother him too much because he's got a lot of important drinking and
whore mongering to do.

As a busy wife and mother of three children I know exactly how you feel.
That is why I created this guided prayer journal. All you need to do is
find ten minutes a day and you can pray through each of the six categories,
Praise, Self, Husband, Children, Personal Influences and Reaching Beyond.
In one month you will have thoroughly prayed through each of these areas
of concern by bringing nearly one hundred twenty matters before your
heavenly Father.

I'm no theologian, even though I've played one on TV, but I don't think
that prayer should be treated like an obligatory 10 minute work out. I know
plenty of earnest Christians who pray for frivolous things like world peace
and an end to hunger without having to schedule their kneeling time on
their Palm Sunday Pilots

I received my first copy of the book in the mail a few weeks ago and I've
been praying through it faithfully ever since. I must confess - I love it!
It feels so good to know I have prayed for my husband's health, my
children's future spouses, my President, my diet and my pastor. I don't
feel like such a prayer wimp anymore.

Pressure…dropping…must…reach…utility…belt… "My children's future
spouses"? That's just weird. And so is "my diet and my pastor". Unless,
of course, you've been following the proud South Seas tradition of eating
missionaries. Isn't it sinister to swallow a minister?

I'm also very excited about the fact that Howard Publishing has chosen this
book to be a part of their amazing "Motherhood Club" collection. The
Motherhood Club is a place for moms to go for resources, support, advice
and encouragement for this wonderfully challenging privilege called motherhood.

Girl: Black Rebel Motherhood Club? What're you rebelling against,
Johnny?

Johnny: Whaddya got?

You really must visit their website at www.motherhoodclub.com. You will
find "Dr. Mom" available to answer your questions. There are also great
articles to read. I found a very helpful (and timely) article on sibling
rivalry. You will also "meet" my new friends Chrys and Philis who have
lots of great wisdom and encouragement to offer. I think they even have
plans to add a bulletin board for moms to share and exchange ideas.

Here's a fine example of how adding extra quotation marks can create
instant comedy: You will also "meet" my "new" "friends" "Chrys" and
"Philis" who have lots of "great" "wisdom" and "encouragement" to offer.

If any of you plan on visiting www.motherhoodclub.com I strongly suggest
that you prepare yourself to be disappointed first. It's not the hotbed of
insanity that you were hoping for…at least not yet. Also, there seems to
be no way of contacting Dr. Mom to ask how you can be even more subservient
to your husband (there is, however, this nifty disclaimer)

The awesome collection of book titles is another wonderful aspect of The
Motherhood Club. What's so ingenious is the idea of putting any kind of
book that a mom may need, be it devotional, organizational, inspiring or
educational all in place. So, if you're a mom and looking for help then
you know exactly where to go first - The Motherhood Club.

(And if you are specifically looking for help with your prayer life then
you can simply click http://www.lisawhelchel.com/shop1.html to find The
Busy Mom's Guide to Prayer. Remember, I'll be happy to autograph it for
you or a friend.)

Little Ralphie Parker said it best: "A crummy commercial? Son of a
bitch!"

I hope you have a very Happy Valentine's Day. May you receive lots of
hugs, kisses, Valentines and chocolate. But if this particular holiday
only accentuates your loneliness then let me encourage you with the
reminder that nothing can compare with the knowledge that you are loved
and adored by the very Creator Himself. (That even beats a box of Dark
Chocolate Nuts & Chews!)

So if you haven't been laid since Gerald Ford was in the White House,
take heart because the same God who hasn't been kind enough to steer some
hot monkey sex your way loves you very, very much.


_ . _

Today's Celebrity Birthday:

Poppy Morgan. The star of Teen Cum Squad 2 and Black
Dicks in White Chicks 8 turns 22 today.


The ancient Greek word of the day is:
siwpaw - be silent.

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.


The Latin word of the day is:
scilicet - My foot!





Rodney on 02.17.05 @ 12:24 PM EST [link] [9 Comments]

Sister Rosetta Stone is on a small vacation

"The Warren Report is laughable! I'm going to break the real story - bust
this case wide open and have the scoop of the century."

Last known words of Dorothy Kilgallen

I sorry that you assorted riff-raff had to go a few days without a
Thoughtless. I threw my back out and Sunday night (just before Valentine's
Day. The essence of comedy is timing) and had to spend a few days in bed
(I thought about getting Nathan to fill in for me, but no one seen him
since he left for the premiere of Constantine).

Two of the many goods things about being confined to my bed were that I
got lay there and enjoy The Saddest Music in the World ("If you
are sad and like beer, I'm your lady")and I also came up with a great idea
for a book. If any of you can but me in touch with a publisher, I
would greatly appreciate it (Yes, I own a copy of the 2005 Writer's
Market Guide, but I don't have time to shop around - this is an
emergency! Email me at rodney@rodneyanonymous.com. This is serious,
people! )

What really sucked about the shut-in experience (other than the terrible
pain, of course) was that there was a ton of stuff (to quote Plato) that
I wanted to write about. For starters I wanted to update the part in
Sunday's piece about Jeopardy to include this:

This legislation grants the president of the United States the right to
send US forces to The Hague, should it attempt to bring an American to
trial.

What is The Delay-Helms Servicemen Protection Act, Alex? Hey Alex, isn't
Holland a member of NATO?

And, naturally, I had a few thoughts about the gentleman who was organizing
a mass suicide on Cupid Day.

But the one thing I would've loved to write about most was something that
I noticed on Makin's site a few days after it was posted. First Michelle
cries like the nine-year-old we all know that she is about why she doesn't
post comments (Sadly, none of us get mentioned by name in the infamous
PFMYV incident). The, in what has to be the greatest comic achievement
since a dozen Hell's Angels took turns beating the living shit out of
Carrot Top, Malkin lists the comments that were apparently posted on an
Emory College web site following the Fucked Up Filipino's recent appearance
at that fine institution of higher learning / barnyard of nymphomaniacs.

Click your heels together and think happy thoughts, gang. Here we go…

What I want to really know is whether Malkin has the ability to suck the
chrome off of a trailer hitch.
I mean, she's gotta have SOME kind of purposeful earthly use walking around
on this planet, because she certainly doesn't have one that has anything to
do with her intellect or her political views.
Jeremiah Elias | Email | Homepage | 02.04.05 - 2:26 am | #

Why exactly does this large toothed educated female wog believe that she
will be treated as white when God chose to make her yellow?
Even her political allies see her as nothing more than a trained monkey
coached into saying a few simple racial truths that would be politically
damaging if put into the mouths of a white man?
Her hatred for her fellow wogs comes from an inability to accept that God
did not make her a European and that God chose to make her a woman.
Please, beat her severely and set her to work in a brothel somewhere in
Malaysia that services Islamic terrorists.
King Leopold | Email | Homepage | 02.04.05 - 12:39 am | #

Do you think Malkin's breezer runs horizontally instead of vertically?
Any opinions on the subject?
Jeremiah Elias | Email | Homepage | 02.04.05 - 2:28 am | #

That's Michele Mangalangawanker to you, buddy!
Seriously. The more she blogs the stupider she gets. Some people just need
editors...or a smack in the head with a pillow case full of weasel shit.
tbogg | Email | Homepage | 02.04.05 - 3:02 am | #

Do you think there would be a big market for "internment camp porn"
starring Michelle Malkin and Chartoff? It could be like "Ernest" movies
from the 1980's "hey verne look at the filipina" jr | Email | Homepage |
02.04.05 - 3:05 am | #

Would you please use the name my parents (and our dear savior the Lord
Jesus Christ) gave me? It's Mangalangangbang, liberal swine! Michelle
Mangalangangbang | Email | Homepage | 02.04.05 - 6:28 am | #

Can I fuck her up the ass? Balanchine | Email | Homepage | 02.04.05 -
6:57 am | #

You know, if Malkin had been living on the west coast in 1942, I can
guarantee that she'd be just another fucking jap as far as the vast
majority of the population was concerned.
Maybe what Magalangadingdong is really hoping for is that she'll get tossed
in a camp and get to live out her "Comfort Woman" fantasy that she works
hard to keep under lock and key at all times . . ..
Big Daddy Mars | Email | Homepage | 02.04.05 - 7:45 am | #

Look at how even aggressive educated wogs like this Michelle Malkin serve
their white masters at little or no prodding simply because they desire
to be white and not what they were born.
Malkin's a whore regardless what race she was born. She'd serve any Dark
Lord as long as they paid her.
Big Daddy Mars | Email | Homepage | 02.04.05 - 7:52 am | #

Shit Luther, suddenly PFMYV doesn't seem so rude.

I'll say one thing about Malkin; had it not been for a posting on her blog,
I might have never know that flaming lunatic Sister Lucia dos Santos had
died on Saturday. Malkin, who obviously believes in a lot of bat-shit crazy
stuff said of the neurotic nun would "May she rest in eternal peace."

Friar Mario de Oliveira summed up Sister Lucia as a person suffering from
"religious hallucinations" and living in a "delirious world of infantile
fantasies". While Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the Vatican's top theologian,
said that Lucia probably concocted her vision from devotional books.

These comments were made, back in 2000, on the occasion of the public
revelation of the third secret prophecy of Fatima which, for reasons I hope
I can never understand, disappointed many Catholics by not
foretelling the end of the world (It's been reported that Sister Looney
predicted the end of the world would happen before 1960.)

Speaking of crazy religious women, tune in tomorrow for…wait for it…
Blair's February Newsletter! Hot Shit Yeah!


_ . _

Today's Celebrity Birthday:

Rebecca Lord. The star of The Erotic Misadventures of the
Invisible Man and Max World 6: Rolling and Reaming turns
32 today.


The ancient Greek word of the day is:
kranion - skull.

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.


The Latin word of the day is:
celeriter - quickly





Rodney on 02.16.05 @ 05:38 PM EST [link] [8 Comments]

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

OK, I've finally got a handle on how this whole "Axis of Evil" thing
works. Iraq (soon to be a satellite of Iran) had no nuclear weapons
(Both the State Department and the Atomic Energy Commission tried to tell
the Bush administration this), so we invaded them. Iraq might have
nuclear weapons (it's unlikely, but they do have the means to create
fissionable material …sort of - no evidence of any giant centrifuges have
been found), so they get a strong warning that we might take military
action against them. North Korea admits to having nuclear weapons
and we do nothing. Good plan. Nice work. Way to go, fucktards.

It's time for some perspective. Let's say that you have three neighbors
whom you hate. Maybe they leave their Christmas lights up all year long,
or have had a gutted Trans Am sitting in their front yard since Ford was
in office, or maybe one of your other neighbors tossed a brick through
your window, but you can't find him and you're worried about not being
elected Block Captain, so you want to focus everybody's attention
elsewhere. The point is that you hate these folks (whom we'll refer to
from here on as Houses A, B, and C) and you let everybody within earshot
know that you'd like to bulldoze their homes.

One day you invade House A and overthrow that family's dad, who happens
to be a major asshole, by the way (and who, after months of searching,
you find hiding in a hole in the basement). Your pretext for invade House
A is that they were building bombs and would sooner or later be chucking
those bombs in your direction. Sure, the cops have been to House A and
they couldn't find any bombs, but that's beside the point because 75% of
the people in the neighborhood believe that House A has not only
been manufacturing bombs, but also has ties with the guy who threw the
brink through your window.

The occupation of House A doesn't go as well as you thought it would.
Instead of being welcomed with flowers, mysterious bags of burning dogshit
begin to appear on your front porch. Meanwhile, Houses B and C (both
headed by total dicks), having witnessed your invasion of House A, start
stockpiling weapons and there's not a single damn thing that you can do
about it because you've maxed out your credit cards and spent your kids'
college funds occupying House A.

Oh, and that guy who tossed that brick through your window is still on the
loose.

Well, now that you can explain American foreign policy to your kids, let's
talk about Ted Nugent.

Many years ago, when the Milkmen were on tour, I hit upon something that
I like to call "The Bus Paradox". Basically, people would see our
tour bus and get really excited - until they found out it was us in the
bus. Usually, some kids would approach our bus driver and ask "Dude, who's
in the bus? Is it Slayer? It's Slayer isn't it. You can tell us if it's
Slayer, dude." When the bus driver would inform the kids that it was not
Slayer, but in fact the Dead Milkmen whose bus they'd encountered, the kids
would either respond with "Who?" or "Faggot-assed Punk Rock shit"

One of our bus drivers (perhaps a Slayer fan, himself) got tired of
watching excited little faces turn sour and violent, so he started telling
the kids what they wanted to hear - namely that somebody famous was on
the bus. For reason that I'm still unclear about, the famous person that
he chose was Ted Nugent.

This solved one problem (while some folks might not have been huge Ted
Nugent fans, at least none of 'em said "who?" or accused The Motor City
Madman of being a faggot.), but it created another, especially in the Mid
West - people began to ask for Ted Nugent's autograph. Now, the last thing
that either I or any of the other Milkmen ever wanted was second term for
Ronald Reagan. The next-to-last thing that we wanted was for people to
think that Ted Nugent was the sort of stuck-up rock star who couldn't be
bothered to sign an autograph, so we began to signing things as Ted Nugent.

Mid Western Hessian: Dude, who's on the bus? Is it Slayer?

Bus Driver: No, It's Ted Nugent.

Mid Western Hessian: Ahhh, dude! He's definitely not a faggot. Could I get
his autograph?

Bus Driver: No problem, I'll be right back.

The bus driver would then get in the bus, walk to the back and ask one of
us for a Ted Nugent autograph which we'd happily scribble down. A few
minutes later the bus driver would emerge from the bus and hand the kid
a napkin which read "Silence = Death. Act Up. Fight Aids.
- The Nuge" accompanied by a pink triangle drawn with a highlighter.

"Um…thanks," the confused kid would say after his third of fourth reading
of the napkin.

Ted Nugent…what an asshole.

I can say that because I'm pretty sure that Ted Nugent doesn't read this
site. And even if word of this does get back to The Nuge, do you really
think that Ted is going to take the time away from his current project
(making a loincloth out of a baby seal) to travel to Philly to kick my ass?
And I seriously doubt the Great White Hunter would sue me for two reasons.
The first is that I'm pretty sure that I can prove (beyond a reasonable
doubt) that Ted Nugent is an asshole. Need You Bad is still a great
song, though.

The second reason that Ted Nugent is unlikely to sue me is that Ted is an
anti-law kinda guy. You know the type. The sort of guy who sequesters
himself and his family on a two hundred acre ranch in Montana because he
thinks the UN is plotting to take his guns away, melt them down and use
them to cast a giant statue of Liberace.

I just don't get these guys. Why do they think that there's more freedom
in the middle of Idaho than there is in downtown Philly? Wait right here
and I'll prove it.

OK, I'm back. I just opened my window and shot a squirrel with one of my
crossbows (a dozen or so more and I'll have enough to make that loincloth.
Darryl Worley, by the way, could make due with field mouse and a rubber
band). My point is that I'm just as free to hunt as Ted Nugent is. In fact,
I'm even freer because I didn't even have to leave the comfort of my home.
Had I decided to off that squirrel with something with a little more
firepower, I'd only have to travel a block or two find someone willing to
sell me an Uzi. Shit Luther, not only can I buy a Glock, but I can buy a
Glock from a guy who's recently used it on another human being and can
thereby accurately evaluate its performance.

Now I ask you, who has more freedom to exercise their Second Amendment
rights, some old coot living in the wilds of South Dakota who has to buy
his rusty rifles from some ancient Neo-Nazi who's been preparing for "the
coming Race War" for the last fifty years by taking target practice on a
bunch of cardboard cutouts of Little Richard, or me?

It's not just gun and hunting nuts…er…freedom enthusiasts who flee to the
wilderness either. Religious loons are always setting up their "Jewless
Jerusalem" in some far flung corner of the North West. And this is a good
idea, why?

If I thought that the government was out to get me, the last place that I'd
want to relocate to is someplace where the government could get me
without creating much of a fuss. "Boy, I sure feel secure on my compound in
the middle of nowhere. Yeah, the one with no phones, or any other way to
signal the outside world. Hey, are those black helicopters?"

Now think about MOVE for a minute. They're every bit as fucked up as the
Branch Davidians were. They just chose to be fucked up in an urban
environment (MOVE is a "back-to-nature" movement whose idea of getting
back-to-nature consists of moving into a row home. WTPFMBV?). The ATF was
able to wipe David Koresh and his followers off the face of the Earth
without doing any damage to surrounding property. The last time that
Philly dealt with MOVE, we accidentally burnt half the city down. Today
we just let Ramona Africa and her crew go about their insane ways;
screaming "Free Mumia" at mailboxes and accusing stray dogs of being part
of a racist conspiracy. Trust me; it's a lot easier this way.

So, if the city has historically offered more freedom than its rural
counterpart (after all, where else could a man parade around in a tutu and
a pinwheel hat without a second glance), why have so many "Freeman" groups
sprung up in the wilderness? Precisely because there is little or no
freedom in those regions. What the fuck am I talking about? Please,
allow me to explain.

When some "rugged individualist" says "I'm a movin' to a compound in Oregon
where I can tell my wife to shut the fuck up and git in the kitchen and I
can slap the living shit outta my kids, like it commands me to do in the
Bible, without some nosey social worker interfering with my custodial
duties" what he's really saying is "I'd like to move to someplace where
I'm free and everybody else isn't. And nobody will let me git away wit'
that kinda stupid shit in the city."

Of course, none of this helps to explain why freedom hater Ronald Reagan
was recently honored with his own stamp, while freedom defender Arthur
Miller will have to wait at least ten years to get his. I'll have a lot
more to say about this as soon if I find out rather it's illegal or not
to deface a stamp. Since nobody else seems willing to update an old joke,
I guess I'll have to do it - Reagan on a stamp? Which side do you spit on?

Finally, as if thinks weren't bad enough with North Korea being more
heavily armed than Ted Nugent and Ronald Reagan's ugly puss gracing a
stamp, RATYHTL's Official Jeopardy Champ, Babu, lost in a squeaker in the
Ultimate Tournament of Champions on Friday. I guess that now I know how all
of those Iggles fans felt when the birds failed to do whatever it was they
were supposed to do in the Super Bowl. Only I didn't slap the shit outta my
wife when Babu lost.

Here's Babu's Bio from the Jeopardy site:

SETHURAMAN SRINIVASAN JR.
(But feel free to call me Babu, as if it's good enough for my mom, it's
good enough to you.)

Date of first appearance:
I taped them around Valentine's Day of 2001, and I think they aired the 2
nd week of May 2001. I don't remember the exact dates. Ironic, because I
teach history for a living.

Total Winnings:
o Original show: $75,100 + a Corvette
o Tournament of Champions 2001: $5,000
o Masters Tournament: $10,000

Do you have a nickname based on your Jeopardy! reputation?
Many people at work call me That Guy Who Was on Jeopardy. Seriously.

Is there something unique about your competition?
I was the leading money winner for the 2000-2001 season.

Favorite anecdote associated with being on the show?
I got an e-mail once from a mother of an autistic child somewhere in New
England . Seems the boy loved Jeopardy and after I was on kept asking when
Babu was coming back. Fortunately, the Jeopardy Corporation aims to please.

Did being on Jeopardy! have any affect on your life?
Since I took an oath of chastity and poverty to get a history degree, being
on Jeopardy solved one of those problems. Actually, you don't have to take
an oath of chastity to get a history degree. It just kind of works out that
way.

Did you do anything crazy with the winnings?
I bought a condo and remodeled it. I was going to put a wood floor in it,
but one of my contractors stole it. I replaced it with a very nice,
environmentally friendly bamboo, and this time I had it nailed down.

Is there anything else you would like viewers to know about you?
I was born in a log cabin my father built on Manhatten, a tiny island off
the coast of Newark . My father, a poor immigrant psychiatrist, later
blazed a trail across the savage continent to Texas , bringing with him a
savage wife, four savage kids, nine savage cats, and three mildly
aggressive dogs. There, after a brief childhood, I received an education
culminating in being granted a PhD in history. I then learned the true
meaning of history: there's no future in it. After that, I got on Jeopardy!
and there was much rejoicing.

Well, folks, we might not have Babu around for the rest of the Tournament
of Champions to cheer for, but that doesn't mean that we can't cheer
against Arthur Phillips, the man who robbed Babu of victory by $100.

Sure, it might not be the sporting thing to do, but these days you've gotta
take what you can get.

Today's Celebrity Birthday:

Pebbles. The star of Buttfaced 7 and
Chrissy the Campus Slut turns 26 today.


The ancient Greek word of the day is:
pattaloj - peg

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.


The Latin word of the day is:
reliquerunt - they left






Rodney on 02.13.05 @ 03:26 PM EST [link]