Thoughtless for the Day

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Ben Schumin's evil twin found.

As we all know Ohio Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones (with a little help from
California Sen. Barbara Boxer) challenged certification of Ohio's
Electoral College votes yesterday. I have to give her some credit for
doing what the Libertarians and the Greens have been doing for months:
questioning the numerous voting irregularities that plagued the Buckeye
state in 2004.

OK, let's say that David Cobb, whom I voted for, had one the election
(and while we're exploring implausible scenarios, let's also say that
Juliet Lewis moves into the house across the street and doesn't feel the
need to hang curtains). Now let's say that Mr. Cobb's victory hinged on
one state and that state was Ohio. With me on this?

Now, let's say that Mr. Cobb had managed to get 4,258 votes in Franklin
County, Ohio when the actual number of ballots cast there was 628 (a
Herculean task which Bush managed to accomplish). And while were at it,
let's add to this scenario questions about the accuracy of Diebold's
voting machines.

Given all of this (and remember, String Theory fans, that in this alternate
universe not only did my guy win but Mel Gibson's The Passion not
only bombed at the box office but was also nominated for Best Comedy) I
would want the results investigated. Wouldn't you?

Apparently not if you're a Congressman or Senator. Tubbs' challenge went
down in flames. Translation: "Irregularities? What irregularities? Nothing
to see here. Now move along you look-ee-loos."

God, Democrats are a bunch of pussies. Out of fear of being called sore
losers they lined up en masse to vote against the challenge. Thus
insuring that they will lose every election until they're absorbed into
the Republican Party: which will then change its name to Super Cool
Dudes for Jesus! If John Kerry had won by a slim margin, do you think
the Republicans wouldn't have challenged the vote?

I watched the whole debacle unfold live on CSPAN which just happened to
also be airing the comments of callers (I tried to call in but encountered
an endless busy signal). Most callers were in favor of the challenge, but
more than a few actually thought that it was none of our business and that
we should "just get over it."

"Gee," I said to no one in particular "I wonder what that all of those
logically challenged people on the Right think of all this?" When the words
"logically challenged" appear in my mind, my thoughts instantly turn to
Michelle Malkin. What would be her unintentionally hilarious take on the
challenge?

I quick check of Malkin's blog turned up this:

QUOTE OF THE DAY
By Michelle Malkin · January 06, 2005 01:44 PM
Rep. Deborah Pryce (R-Ohio) responding on the House floor to the Boxer
and friends [sic] rebellion:
Their objection is a front for their lack of ideas.
Yup, that about sums it up.
Update: More at A Little About Everything.

What? That's it? Well, you have to respect Malkin's incredible ability to
just dismiss anything that causes her even the slightest amount of
cognitive dissidence. But Malkin no longer needs to be bothered defending
her (missionary) positions because she now has a toady to handle that task.

Did you notice that link in her post to A Little About Everything?
If you didn't click on it then you might think that A Little About
Everything is a news site. It isn't. It's a blog. What champion
log-roller Malkin has done is backed up her opinion by citing someone
else's opinion.

Here's the good news. .A Little About Everything isn't just
another blog. It's the Schumin Web of the blogosphere, and I will
forever be in Ms. Malkin's debt for turning me onto it (just as you will
forever be in my debt for telling you about it - so buy some shirts).
It's hard for me to put my finger on exactly what I love the best about
A Little About Everything because, as is the case with the sites
founder Randy N. Townley, there's so much to love.

Open A Little About Everything in a separate window. Take a look at
Randy's "Favorite Bloggers/Sites" list. Now place your cursor over usual
suspect Michelle Malkin's name. Wow, while most bipeds consider Malkin to
be an idiot whose moronic opinions are poorly, if ever, backed up with
actual facts, Randy thinks that her blog is "Awesome!"

When you've finished your elitist snickering you can move your curser over
the "Fox News" link. Despite all of the evidence to the contrary, Mr.
Townley considers FOX News to be "One of the better news sites out there."
I'm sure that we all wish Randy the best of luck in the Special Olympics.

It would be easy to make fun of Randy Townley, so that's just what I'm
going to do. Well, at least for a few more paragraphs before I do a
complete 180 and explain why Randy isn't such a bad guy after all. Ah, but
first the beat-down…

Move your cursor down to the Randster's "Previous Posts" section and click
on the post titled "Church thanks God for Americans killed in tsunami".
You'll be glad you did.

It seems that Mr. Townley is upset, and rightfully so, with the God Hates
Fags crowd (who, by the way, inspired the design of the Ronald Reagan in
Hell site) over their remarks thanking God for the deaths of 2,000 Swedes
(not Americans but, hey, you want accuracy from a guy who thinks Malkin is
"Awesome") killed by the tsunami.

Good for you, Randy! Stand up to those right wing theocrats and…Whoa!
What's this? A few paragraphs down, Randy write:

Now, let me begin by saying that I believe that marriage is most
definitely between a man and a woman, and that there should be a
constitutional amendment to protect the sanctity of marriage. I also
believe that people who are engaged in homosexual behavior are in the deep
mires of sin…

Translation: "God hates Fags."

Since the Bible clearly states that Gluttony is a sin (after all,
there are no ft people in the Bible), I think that we need a constitutional
amendment defining marriage as the union between a thin man and a
rather svelte woman.

And to any chunky Christian who would counter my proposal with "But I'm
genetically predisposed to swallow whole hams. Gays choose to be the way
they are" I say "Slow down, porky. You've got it backwards."

Do you think that Gay men choose to wax their poles to mental
visions of Kirk Cameron rather than Juliet Lewis? And do you think
Lesbians, given the choice, would rather fantasize about Nicole Kidman
instead of Randy Townley? OK, that second example is a little shaky.

I think that it's much more feasible that sexual orientation is
predominately due to genetics than it is that some fat Fundie's inability
to pass a cheesecake stand without inhaling its inventory is do to his DNA.

My point is that if Homosexuality is a sin (the Bible says nothing about
Lesbianism, so I will: Yaaaay ! Kiss, kiss!), therefore Homosexuals should
have their rights restricted by law, then so should fat people.

Eighty years ago, Mr. Townley would've been arguing against giving women
the vote because the Bible says that women are inferior to men.

Forty years ago, Mr. Townley would've been arguing against integration
quoting that creepy "children of Ham" passage.

Of course it's always possible that the failure to make a logical case is
a genetic trait and that Randy's ancestors argued heavily for Geocentrism.

Full disclosure: I'm genetically predisposed to cruel, ad hominem attacks.
_ . _
I bet you think that I hate Randy Townley, don't you? Of course you don't
because you read the part above where I said "Randy isn't such a bad guy
after all", so lets' jump to the touchy-feely Kumbia part of this rant.

You and I, gentle reader, don't know Randy Townley but I'm willing to bet
my autographed copy of Foucault's Pendulum that, if we did, we'd
like him. I'm pretty good at judging people's personalities from their
writing (Malkin, for example, has been driven insane by self-hatred) and
I'm damn sure that Randy is the kinda guy who'd loan you his snow blower
and not ride your ass about returning it. I really believe that he loves
his wife, his country, and his fellow man (but not in a Gay way).

In some ways I'm even envious of Randy. If I had his simplistic black-and-
white view of things (God is in Heaven. Jesus really walked the Earth.
Ronald Reagan was a great president and not senile traitor, and Michelle
Malkin is a gifted writer) I'd be much happier. I actually found Randy's
thoughts about Christmas very touching (completely inaccurate but touching
none-the-less). Just like Schumin, this guy talks a lot of crap, but you
can't help liking him. Ubi eram?

Ita vero, why I like Randy Townley.

It's hard to fault Randy for his opinions when you consider that he lives
in a country where more people believe in angels and UFOs than in
evolution. A country in which each night millions of people turn to Bill
"Pass the loofahl" O'Reilly to be reassured that the USA is number one.

It's like being angry at someone because they've heard of Ashley Simpson
but not the Dresden Dolls.

Twenty or thirty years from now, when the "end times" haven't occurred,
Gay marriage hasn't let to government-sponsored puppy sacrifices, or when
Randy goes to collect his privatized nest egg and finds it's not there,
Randy will be one of us…even if we've still haven't returned his snow
blower.

For every old Southerner who's proud that they fought to keep Blacks out
of their schools, there are 100 who are ashamed of their actions.
_ . _

"When I became a man I put away childish thing, which was a stupid thing
to do because those comic books I tossed out are now worth a fortune."

- Rodney Anonymous,

Founder

The Patriots Against Senator Santorum web site is up. Of course it still
needs a lot of work as will the whole stop-Santorum campaign which means
that this will be the last long Thoughtless for awhile. In fact, there's
a good change that the Thoughtlesses will be few and far between for some
time to come.

It's been a blast writing for all of you, but I've got to move on. There's
plenty of work that needs to be done elsewhere. Wish me luck.

_ . _

The ancient Greek word of the day is:
grafw - be write

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.


The Latin word of the day is:
scibere - to write





Rodney on 01.07.05 @ 04:22 PM EST [link] [No Comments]

FOX (and Friends) on the run.

Normally, one of the first things I do when I awake each morning is to turn
on the radio and get the morning's news from NPR. This morning I made the
mistake of turning on the TV and catching FOX and Friends (which
really should change its name to Hee Haw-Jazeera: Officially Approved
Government News for Dumbshits).

The first thing that I noticed, accustomed as I am from getting my news
from NPR and Lou Dobbs, was that the hosts (I can't bring myself to use
the word "reporters") like to say things without offering any evidence to
back their statements up.

For example, I was surprised to learn that "The United States is not
stingy when it comes to Foreign Aid." Wow, that is news. Up until I was
informed to the contrary by my new friends at Fox, I had been lead to
believe (by the voices on NPR who cited a bunch of government reports and
stuff) that, as a percentage of GDP, the US could be firmly placed in the
stingy column.

This became even more confusing when I turned on NPR and was informed (once
again, this "information" was "backed up" by a bunch of "facts" and
"figures") that the money the Bush administration is spending to help the
Tsunami victims had already been budgeted for foreign aid. In other
words, had the US not designated the money to the "Kowabunga! Look at the
size of that wave" victims, it would've been spent somewhere else. So if
you're sitting in the middle of the Sudanese desert waiting for a relief
package from Uncle Sam, don't hold your breath.

But…wait…that can't be correct. Sure the voices on NPR cited a bunch of
studies, but the smiling faces on FOX and Friends seemed so sincere.
Almost as if they believed what they were saying.

My confusion only grew when one of the Friends of FOX and Friends
(A Republican Senator from South Carolina) dropped by to explain the
pressing need for Tort Reform.

According to Senator No-Negroes-at-the-Lunch-Counter, lawsuits have driven
the cost of malpractice insurance so high that no one (not even people
presently applying to Medical School) wants to be a Doctor. In fact, no
one even wants to play Doctor anymore.

This was all confirmed, very scientifically, by the friendly FOX woman who
said that she couldn't find anyone willing to deliver her baby.

But…but…but NPR told me that the rise in the cost of malpractice insurance
was not the result of lawsuits, but greedy insurance companies. And Lou
Dobbs said that number of civil trials dropped 47 percent between 1992 and
2001, and that the median payout for tort cases dropped 56 percent during
that same time.

WTPFMYV? If that's true, then why won't anybody deliver that FOX lady's baby?

Speaking of two conflicting ideals that can't seem to coexist, Rev. Tim
LaHaye (rhymes with "LeVay"), the Author/Marketing Genius behind the
Left Behind series of books, is pissed off on a Biblical scale at
his publisher: Tyndale House.

It seems that the good Reverend is not happy about another series of
Revelations/Apocalypse books (Starting with a book called The Last
Disciple which was written by a guy who hosts the radio call-in show,
The Bible Answer Man ) that claim the events in Revelation have
already taken place and that the number of the Beast was actually a code
for Nero. Leading to LeHaye making the following statement:

"They are going to take the money we made for them and promote this
nonsense."

Damn, straight! If any nonsense is to be promoted, it should be Rev.
LeHaye's brand of nonsense.

The ancient Greek word of the day is:
ptuw - to spit

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.


The Latin word of the day is:
narrat - s/he tells, relates




Rodney on 01.05.05 @ 01:29 PM EST [link] [10 Comments]

What, me worry?

Yesterday was perfect- perfectly shitty. Here, working backwards, are a
few highlights:

I got stuck in line at the shitty art supply store (the one on Broad and
Spruce, not the not-so-shitty art supply store on South Street) behind one
of those creepy old artists who not only felt the need to drive in from
Bucks County to buy is shitty $98 worth of art supplies, but also felt the
need to regale the girl behind the counter (and by proximity me) with the
thrilling tale of how he awoke with the idea of driving into Philadelphia
to buy his art supplies. I know that on the surface it doesn't seem like
the old fart's story would be long enough to add twenty minutes to my stay
in line, but - trust me - it was. Here's a reasonable facsimile of his
unreasonable soliloquy:

Well, of course there are plenty of places in Bucks County were I could
purchase these things, but as, I awoke this morning, I felt the need for
an adventure. So it was off to the City of Brotherly Love …

Attention all Bucks County Art Farts: The next time that you feel the need
for an adventure why not come to Philly, go to the zoo, climb into a cage,
and fight a bear. Now that's what I call adventure…and art.

Back up of few hours and you'd find me at Stellar Coffee which (for reasons
that probably involve some old fart from Bucks County) only featured on
size of cup today. And that size was not large. I don't know if you've ever
met me, but if you have then you know that I didn't to be the way I am
(kind of "speedy") by ordering medium cups of coffee.

Now back up to me going downstairs to my office, turning on NPR, and
learning that the Bush administration has a plan to keep some suspected
al-Qaeda members (those whom the Justice Department doesn't have enough
evidence against to bring to trial) imprisoned for life.

The plan involves building a $25 million 200-bed prison, which will be
known as (dum, dum, dumb…) Camp 6 - as in "Deep Six". You know, "to
disappear forever."

So far, the only comment from the government has been from a low-level
functionary who assured a reporter (while managing to keep a straight face)
that there will be job-training at Camp 6.

Am I the only one who sees a few problems with this plan and is a tad
worried?

The Philadelphia Daily News thinks that I should be worried. No, not about
my government incarcerating people for life without the benefit of a trial.
The Daily News thinks that I should be worried that the Eagles might not
make it into the Super Bowl. In other words, it's officially time for the
Daily News to change their nickname from "The People Paper" to "Hey, moron,
buy this! It's got pictures."

Inside yesterday's Daily News I found the following Letter to the Editor.
There are two things that you should know about this letter before you
damage your brain with it. The first is that it's one of those "America
is a place where people of all religions are free to worship Jesus" rants.
The second is that, even though we are only four days into 2005, the
following piffle is a lock for Stupidest 'Tard Write Zone Letter of
the Year. It may, indeed, be the stupidest letter ever sent to a
newspaper.In fact, it's so asinine that I'm not even going to comment
on it. Just enjoy it for what it is, folks:


LET ME see if I understand this controversy about "Merry Christmas" and,
even worse, any public reference to "God."

"They" want to banish all reference to Christmas and God because it may
offend some other "they." And "they" justify this monumental effort as
being in the interest of "freedom" and "the separation of church and
state."

Have "they" ever read the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution?
Do the phrases "freedom of speech," "freedom of religion," "freedom of the
press" or "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" stir any memory in
the cavity where a mind once lived?

Somewhere way back about 1776 in Philly, some folks got together and
decided their fellow man had all those rights and more. And they wanted
to ensure that those who came after them, born in America or immigrants,
would also be "endowed with those inalienable rights."

Those folks fought a war against the mighty British Empire in defense of
those truths "held to be self evident." And won that war in 1781,
establishing the "United States of America" as a sovereign nation.

Thanks to those founding forefathers we have the right to worship or not
as we see fit. We can be Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhist or atheists
if we choose. And we have the right to speak of our beliefs or disbeliefs
and write about them.

Those who dissent from the concept of freedom as the Constitution sets
forth would have us all conceal our beliefs and speak freely only among
those perceived to be of the same persuasion. "They" want us to hide our
Christian or Jewish or Muslim or Buddhist or atheist beliefs in closed
circles - like the people under the Nazis or the communist Soviet Union or
like the current Chinese and North Korean regimes.

If "they" truly want harmony among all people with true freedom, "they"
need to know that the oppression and suppression of free speech" will
only perpetuate and exacerbate the polarization of people.

Ned Joseph
Anderson, S.C.

_ . _

Check this out. Thanks to Bush, not even
the scum-of-the-Earth want US dollars.

_ . _

The ancient Greek word of the day is:
metewroj - high in the air

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.


The Latin word of the day is:
nulla miseracordia - no pity




Rodney on 01.04.05 @ 01:39 PM EST [link] [6 Comments]

My Kids Need Meat

We really need to talk about the Ohio recount - because nobody else is.
Last month the dynamic duo of Michael Badnarik and David Cobb (from this
day forward to be known as "Baaadman and Cobbin") managed to scrape
together (through donations) the $113,600 needed to enable a recount of
Presidential votes in the sort-of-Midwestern-sort -of-Southern-sort-of-
Industrial Northern state of Ohio.

The recount has been completed and winner, by over 100,000 votes is George
"Mission Accomplished" Bush. Or maybe not…

According to David Cobb who garnered a whopping 186 votes in Ohio and at
least one that I know of in Pennsylvania:

One of the most significant problems with the recount was that few of
Ohio's 88 counties randomly selected sample precincts for the recount as
is required by Ohio law. Other problems with the recount included a lack
of security for the ballots and voting machines - including allegations
of interference with voting machines by representatives of the Diebold
and Triad corporations - and the refusal of some counties to do a full
hand recount when required by law to do so.

So Cobb is calling for a recount of the recount.

Fans of Ohio voting hilarity can read more here. By the way, in Franklin
County, Bush somehow managed to get more votes (4,258) than the actual
number of voters who cast ballots (628).

For me, the most interesting aspect of the Ohio recount has been the
incredible hostile (i.e. rabid) reactions from the states voting officials.
I mean, we all expected Diebold and Triad to be total dicks, but check out
this comment from Ross County Board of Elections Director Nancy Bell:

"I'm just really thoroughly disgusted with the whole thing. I resent our
honesty and integrity being questioned."

It's a statewide recount, Einstein. No one is singling you out, so
shut the Hell up and do your fucking job…and get me a Rueben sandwich -
stat!

In the interest of fairness, I should point out that the folks over at
Counterpunch have a different take on all of this.

We also need to talk about Alberto Gonzales. Since it's extremely unlikely
that the Democrats are going to grow spines and balls between now
and his confirmation hearing, he's a lock to be our next Attorney General
- despite the fact that he has stated that terrorism is "a new kind of war"
that rendered portions of the Geneva Conventions "quaint."

Yes, he really said "quaint": thereby placing rules about not kicking
prisoners in the balls on the same level as New England Bed and Breakfasts.

While I (along with many other primates) feel that Alberto Gonzales isn't
fit to stand guard over a dung heap let alone our civil libeties, I do feel
that he is perfect for the job of the first RATYHTL recurring charter of
2005 - The "'My kids need meat' guy".

Here's a link that Dean sent me to a guy who I think does this blogging
stuff much better than I do.

The ancient Greek word of the day is:
spodia - heap of ashes

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.


The Latin word of the day is:
eum - him




Rodney on 01.03.05 @ 10:20 AM EST [link]

A New Year's Story

Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, but aren't you Tommy Cannacelli?
Yeah-heah, I know it. I knew it. Wow, I can't believe it: the Tommy
Cannacelli of Tommy Cannacelli Chrysler/Plymouth. Jesus, I love you ads.
That one - you know the one, the one where you push that midget into that
little pool and when he come up he spits out a mouthful of water and goes
"If you don't buy your next car from Tommy Cannacelli Chrysler/Plymouth
then you're all wet" in that funny-assed real high midget voice. They're
all good, but that's my favorite. I'm not embarrassed to tell you that
that ad made me laugh so hard I shit my pants. Not a lot of shit - just
a little. I mean I'm not gonna sue you or nothing. Hey, can I shake your
hand?

Tommy Cannacelli. Wow. Tommy Cannacelli. I just can't get believe that I'm
really standing here in the SafeWay talking to you like you're a regular
guy. It's like some kinda dream - but not like the bad ones with that dog
with the scary eyes in 'em. I swear on the lives of my children that not
two minutes ago I was standing over there in the frozen food section when
I turned to my wife … Snjófridur, get over here now!

She's a little shy because she bumped her eye into a doorknob last weekend
and the swelling still hasn't gone down. That's why we were in the frozen
food section. She likes to lay the bruised side of her face against bags
of frozen peas. It's what you might call a "folk remedy."

Anyway, I turned to my wife and I said "Snjófridur do you know who that is
over there?" Well, she can only turn her neck a little, so she had to
guess. Tell Mr. Cannacelli what you said. Goddamn it, stop your fucking
crying and tell Mr. Cannacelli what you said! Louder! For Christ's sake,
Mr. Cannacelli is a celebrity, not a superhero with some sort of
super-hearing. He sells cars, OK? He doesn't sell cars by day and then use
his super-hearing to fight crime at night. He just sells cars!Can
you wrap you goddamn bruised head around that concept?

Oh, fucking great. Here she goes with the water works again. OK, fine. Mr.
Cannacelli did not drive all the way to the SafeWay to hear you bawl like
a fuckin' infant. You wanna know what she said Tommy? Well I'll tell you.
She said "Lassie." No shit, "Lassie." Like Lassie doesn't have a trainer
who buys his food. What were you thinking? What goes on it that
irregularly shaped head of your, woman? What?

And the kicker is that I should've seen it coming. She said the weird-assed
thing two weeks ago, when we went to the Rite Aid to pick up some burn
cream and a pair of those fancy "acid-washed" jeans, which - and you are
not gonna believe this - Rite Aid doesn't sell. So, we're in the check-out
line and I spot Chuck Conwell, the weather guy, looking at eardrops. Do you
know him? Well, be glad that you don't because he's an asshole.

Tommy, I've only known you a little while, but I can tell that you're not
all stuck up on yourself. Not like Mr. big, important channel 11 weatherman
- no, excuse me - "meteorologist". Yeah, like we care about
meteors. You know I asked him to do one little thing for charity and he
blew me off. Can you believe that? He totally blew me off.

Tommy, I don't want you to say yes right away. I want you to think about
this. Have you ever heard of "Sadie's Fund"? No? Good, because I don't
want anybody else to steal the name before I can copyright it. The thing
is that I have a fifteen-year-old daughter named Sadie who is afflicted
with Buhdsmegg's Syndrome. Basically, she can't talk or move and her skin
is kinda like oily butter. Oh, and she's really, really fat. Like 300 and
change. But she was huge before she got sick.

Thank you. That's a very kind thing to say. It means a lot to me coming
from a celebrity like you. Listen, if it's not too much to ask, do you
think that you could swing by the hospital sometime and - you know - maybe
make out with her and feel her up or something.

No, she's the one who's sick. She has Buhdsmegg's Syndrome. Maybe I didn't
explain it right. I'm a little nervous. See, she's been sick for about two
years now and she never really had what you might call a "real boyfriend."
So, a couple of month's ago I sent a letter to the Make-A-Wish
Foundation asking them to send that Leonardo Di-What's-His-Name around
just a few pictures and some dry humping, but I still haven't hear back
form them. They must be swamped. That's why I was hoping that you might
agree to be her celebrity boyfriend for a couple of hours. I promise that
you don't have to "go all the way" if you're uncomfortable with that sorta
thing or with her greasy, lard-like flesh.

A hidden camera? Well, I'm sure that the SafeWay has 'em. That's how they
catch shoplifters, isn't it? I honestly don't see what that has to do with
me asking you to do some simple charity work…

Oh, so that's it? Just gonna walk away, eh? Just like Mr. big shit
weatherman, Chuck Fucking Conwell? Too big of a star to visit a sick child
in the hospital? Too important to take ten minutes out of your busy
schedule to slip your hands under a sheet and fondle a comatose girl? You
fucking celebrities are all alike! Well just remember that the same people
that you meet on the way up are just like the ones that you meet on your
way down.

The ancient Greek word of the day is:
ouranoqen - from Heaven

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.


The Latin word of the day is:
umbrosus - full of shadows




Rodney on 01.02.05 @ 02:45 AM EST [link]