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12/21/2005: "Up Against The Wall Mother… Superior???"

Looks like I owe the atom-smashers at the Department of Homeland Security
an apology. Their dogged pursuit of people borrowing Mao's Riddle Red
from libraries (which many of the people at the DHS were
surprised to learn is spelled with two R's) has helped the FBI to
ferret out one of the most insidious Commie front operations every to
darken the doorstep of these Capitalist United States of Jesus Christ
the Honkey…

The Catholic Workers Group.

OK, I know that you're probably thinking "What The Please Fuck My
Immaculate Vagina are you talking about, Pope Willis XI? Aren't the
Catholic Workers Group a bunch of wimpy pacifists who would not only
never harm a fly, but also provide it with a cot, six pair of wool socks,
and some hot soup? " See how clever they are? They had you fooled. But
these Pinko Papists couldn't sneak their "semi-communistic ideology"
past Hoover's boys.

Fortunately for Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public, the investigation didn't
stop with the Sistine Socialists. Also snagged in a dragnet of the
degraded was know al-Qaeda splinter group PETA, who were conducting their
Islamofacist activities under the cover of a protest over llama fur.

And kudos to the agents in the FBI's Indianapolis office for their plan
to place a "Vegan Community Project" under surveillance. Good works boys!
When Osama bin Laden is finally captured, I sure-as-shittin' he'll be
found in Indianapolis at a "Vegan Community Project."

In other Terror-related news…

They planned to do what?

Remember that plot to take down the Brooklyn Bridge that all the Babbitts
kept citing as proof that Bush was protecting us all by pissing all over
the Fourth Amendment in the form of ordering warrant-free wiretapping
(even though the FISA courts allow the government to begin wiretapping and
then apply for a warrant. It should also be mentioned that, of the
over 15,000 wiretap requests that have been submitted to FISA judges, only
8 have been denied. Oh, and the band Warrant sucks too)? Here's Catskills
funnyman Dana Rohrabacher (Reactionary-CA) on CNN:

"Not only proud, we can be grateful to this president. You know, I'll
have to tell you, if it was up to Mr. Schumer, Senator Schumer, they
probably would have blown up the Brooklyn Bridge. The bottom line is this:
in wartime we expect our leaders, yes, to exercise more authority."

The truth is far stranger than any fiction that may have fallen from
Rohrabacher's festering gob. The plan was never to blown up the Brooklyn
Bridge, but to dismantle the bridge using…wait for it…blow torches!

Now, while I don't have a degree in Engineering (or anything else, for
that matter) it seems to me that 80 or 90 turbaned welders attempting to
cut through the 21,736 wires that hold up the Brooklyn Bridge with their
Catholic Workers Group provided, PETA approved, blow torches might be
just a tad conspicuous. Maybe, therein, lies the beauty of the plan:
once the Feds have been distracted by the Godless Army of the Night that
is the Indianapolis Vegan Community Project, the attack on the bridge
could go on unnoticed (by Stevie Wonder).

The bottom line is this:
in wartime we expect our leaders, yes, to exercise a few more brain cells.

Replies: 2 Comments

on Wednesday, December 21st, MrStinky said

I always knew that Vegans and PETA were trying to undermind America. Better shut down those animal loving zoos,too. You know they have to be hot-beds of Al Quida activity.

on Wednesday, December 21st, eric said

are they forgeting about the humane society. just think about all the stray dog suicide bombers there must be out there at any moment

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