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12/07/2005: "December 7th - VC (Victory over Christmas) Day!!!"
Ladies, gentlemen, and those of you currently undergoing surgery to
become one or the other, it is with great pleasure that I make the
following announcement:
We have won the War On Christmas!
Yes, just as I was getting almost as tired of writing about it as you were
of reading about it, we achieved total victory. And the best part is that
we didn't really have to do anything, because our mortal enemies, the
Fundies, were betrayed by their own leader. In what can only be analogized
by creating a mental picture of Harry S. Truman dropping the A-Bomb on
Momandapplepieville, Missouri, George W. Bush sent out 1.4 million cards wishing
their recipients a happy "holiday season."
Oh, and the cover art, which depicts the Bush family's two dogs and cat
playing in the snow on the White House lawn has been described as "secular,
if not humanist".
Attn: Fundies. This is what happens when you put a guy who went AWOL form
the Louisiana National Guard in charge of a war.
This would be hilarious if it weren't for the real life parallels that can
be drawn between Bush's failure in the War on Christmas and the War on
Terror. Despite that, I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts and I strongly
suggest that you do too, so run to the 'frige, grab a beer, and then hurry
back to enjoin the following reactions from the losing side:
"This clearly demonstrates that the Bush administration has suffered a loss
of will and that they have capitulated to the worst elements in our
culture." That comment came from William A. Donohue, president of the
Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights who somehow has managed to
convince himself that George had not quite yet capitulated to the worst
elements in our culture when he was washing down lines of cocaine with
bottles of Jack Daniels, but this Christmas Holiday card
incident somehow pushed Bush into the abyss.
Um, Mr. Donohue, if I were in charge of an organization called "the
Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights", I think I'd shift my
group's main focus away from boycotting the Lands' End catalogue towards
something like making sure that no more alter boys are forced to "blow
Gabriel's Horn", if you catch my drift.
"Bush claims to be a born-again, evangelical Christian. But he sure doesn't
act like one," quipped Joseph Farah the insidious dark force behind
WorldNetDaily, pretty much saying what we've all been saying for years
before he added, "I threw out my White House card as soon as I got it." So
did I, Farah, but I didn't even bother to open mine…oh, and I may have
wiped my ass with it…just before I fucked your mother…to death...on
Christmas...under the Holiday Tree.
Just as a party isn't really a party without a tattoo needle, two mules,
and a toothless sixteen-year-old Burmese prostitute, no Fundie round up
is complete without a few words from the ass of the American Family
Association's Tim Wildmon. "Sometimes it's hard to tell whether this is
sinister -- it's the purging of Christ from Christmas -- or whether it's
just political correctness run amok. I think in the case of the White
House, it's just political correctness," said Wildmon who now holds the
dubious honor of saying something so crazy that you'd probably have to
spend a year sniffing glue in a meth lab to top it.
And then there's this…
"And it has become pretty general. Last Christmas most people had a hard
time finding Christmas cards that indicated in any way that Christmas
commemorated Someone's Birth. Easter they will have the same difficulty in
finding Easter cards that contain any suggestion that Easter commemorates
a certain event. There will be rabbits and eggs and spring flowers, but a
hint of the Resurrection will be hard to find. Now, all this begins with
the designers of the cards."
OK, that's not really about the White House Christmas Holiday
card. That was written in 1921 by two-legged turd Henry Ford in his scumbag
rant The International Jew.
