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07/09/2005: "PROJECT GOD: A Scientific Experiment"


norm (38k image)Howdy, bail jumpers. Before we move to GOD: Part III (Jews Rule the Night),
I'd like to make a slight detour and answer a question that seems to be on
many of your minds as well as to beg you assistance in a scientific study
that I'm conducting. First, the question:

Over the last week I've received over thirty emails all asking the same
question: and nearly all beginning "I know this is a stupid question but…"
The question to which many of you seem to be seeking an answer to is "Why
is God called 'God'?" Relax; "Why is God called 'God'?" is far from being
a stupid question. "President Bush, you've done such a great job, is there
any way that you can run for a third term?" is, in fact (quidem), a
stupid question. It's a fuckin' moronic question, actually. OK, now that
you feel better about yourselves, let's find out why, in the words of
Liabach, "God is God."

As we discussed last week, God has been know by many names: "Yahweh",
"Elohim", "Hef", etc. You may also remember a reference, in last week's
piece to a rather odd incident in the Bible (OK, it's one of several
odd incidents in the Bible) in which Jacob wrestles with God. In that
strange encounter, Jacob gets a tight grip on the All Mighty and refuses to
let go until God tells Jacob His name. Once Jacob learned God's true name
(Yahweh), he had power over the Lord.

You see, in many ancient cultures names were believed to hold power. Most
individuals in these communities had a public name and a private name: a
name which was only known to trusted intimates. The same rule applied to
Gods. Just as my secret name is "Yendor the Hung" (and I'm only telling
you this because I trust you), God's secret name is Yahweh (keep that bit
of info on the QT, please).

To keep people from abusing the super-secret name of God ("Thus is My
name: doth not wear it out" - Genesis 23:5) Jews, reading aloud from the
Torah, would substitute the name "Adonai" ("My God" or "My Lord": From
the Egyptian "Aton" mentioned in Part I) for "Yahweh".

Since the Nerd Factor for this web site is pretty high, I'm going to assume
that all of you have seen Monty Python's The Life of Brian. Do you
remember the scene in which a bunch of women wearing fake beards stone a
man to death for saying "Jehovah"? Well that's just one of the over two
hundred reasons why Monty Python's The Life of Brian is more histor-
ically accurate than Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ.

As Monotheism progressed this link to the magical past became sort of an
embarrassment to the Jews (not unlike Jackie Mason); eventually they mod-
ified there theology to say that an unseen, omnipresent, endless being
couldn't really have a name (unless that name is "Dave 'The Hammer'
Schultz"
. Am I seeing things? "The Hammer" is available for "Motivational
Speaking"??? WTPFMYV??? Maybe there really is no God, after all.); so
they began to substitute titles like "God" and "Lord" for "Adonai". The
tradition carried over to Christianity and Islam ("Allah" is derived from
'Al-lah' - "the god"). And now the experiment:

The fist thing that you'll need to do, should you choose to participate,
is to build a small temple. I've built two. One, from scratch, for myself
in Greco-Roman style...

rodtemp (34k image)

…and one, from a kids' set of blocks I picked up at a yard sale, for my
wife who worships Bastet and Sekhmet.

vientemp (22k image)

The next thing that you'll need is a god or goddess to inhabit the temple.
In the examples above my wife and I used the Roman God/Emperor Claudius and
the Egyptian Goddess Sekhmet, respectively. If you don't have a favorite
deity, I suggest that you pop over to www.pantheon.org. It's an invaluable
clearinghouse for gods, goddesses, and heroes from many different cultures.

The final ingredient for the experiment is a Random Number Generator. Now
there are plenty of RNG's out floating around cyberspace for you to choose
from but none of them also offer the opportunity of becoming an instant
gazillionaire: that's why I recommend that you purchase a Powerball ticket.
And since Powerball tickets can be purchased in twenty-seven states,
Washington D.C., the US Virgin Islands, and West Virginia we should all be
able to participate in the experiment.

Place your Powerball ticket in the tiny temple with the deity-of-your-
choice. [Optional: clearly explain to the deity that should you win "an
assload of cash" you will build the aforementioned deity a real temple on
the grounds of your fabulous mansion.] After the Powerball drawing (or
"drerring", as Norm would say) note the amount of correct numbers, out of
a possible five, that your deity provided. Email the results to me.

rickyr (22k image)The truly great thing about this experiment (other than having a tiny
temple or two around your house) is that it can be repeated over-and-over
again with different deities until you either get bored or win enough
money to hire Bill Gates to dress up like a clown and juggle tampons at
your next birthday party.

Here are the results I've achieved, so far, with different gods and
goddesses:

Deity #, out of 5, correct

Placebo (No Deity Used) * 0
Zues 1
Ashera 0
Yahweh 1
Hera 1
Emperor Claudius 1
Sekhmet 0

OK, fellow scientists, let's get cracking! Oh, one last thing: if you have
a child, or even know of one, the above would make an excellent school
science project.

* In place of not using a deity, you could also substitute Ben Schumin.





Replies: 50 Comments

on Saturday, July 9th, Matt Ward said

I grew up in philly ... went off to hampshire college where I booked a milkmen show (and a ruin show, and an electric love muffin show, and a ben vaughn show ... flashback) ... so my frame of reference is big lizard ... so your site takes a little adjustment ... and I think I have to go back and start in the archives because this is a great read. I sent the link to Tim Halle who is tied into the whole Dogzilla crowd. My rambling point before I go raise my berm and buy a lottery ticket is ... are you doing anything with this accumulated knowlege beyond the web site? Just curious.

on Saturday, July 9th, dogfaceboy said

it's also worth mentioning that the word "god" itself is derived ultimately from proto-Hindu scripture. so technically, whenever someone prays to "god", they are invoking an aryan pagan rite of sacrifice; and thus they should probably be cutting their palms open and/or chopping off a few chicken's heads if they want god to actually pay any attention.

on Saturday, July 9th, Grundy Sherwood said

Ooh, chicken, yes. Thanks for reminding me.

on Saturday, July 9th, billzebub said

Shit. And I gotta live in the only state in the Southeast with no Lotto. Typically I am smug about this point, lotto being a tax on the bad-at-math and all, but now I am suddenly stripped of said smugness.

on Sunday, July 10th, Scot said

I heard the term 'Elohim' on Art Bell. Sitchin references that word a lot. I think it should be used more.
Tell Joe I said 'Oi.'

on Sunday, July 10th, Paul Kircher said

Image hosted by Photobucket.com I've decided to begin worshiping Medusa

on Sunday, July 10th, Rodney said

OBEY MY DOG!!!

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

that was interesting, the thoughtless not the dogs.
im building a temple out of empty nyquil bottles.

on Sunday, July 10th, ebbv said

i've always thought suzanne's looked like someone fed her a live grenade and then her face was reconstructed as the 2-day project of a particluarly stupid special ed class.

yikes.

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

ok i made the temple and bought a powerball ticket from my friend wally, a palastinian from the citgo whom i sell [tupperwear] to.
i am using john berryman as my first diety. he was a confessional poet who died in 1972.
i think hes best.
i also had a request with berryman beside the lotto ticket.
i asked him to help me get zoe back from her dad's tonight. so shell be here tomorrow morn and we can paint.
we'll see.

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

someone tell me how to post images here on thoughtless and ill draw the temple of nyquil bottles.

on Sunday, July 10th, Rodney said

Feel free to email and pics of your temples to me at rodney@rodneyanonymous.com and I'll post 'em.

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

i wanna see a porno called suzzane and ricardo montebons corpse.

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

we had ginger bread house last time.
i made a small one out of grham crackes and glue.
i have no camera if i buy a disposal it takes too long to develope.
so shit.
i have a problem with remembering to turn on the flash too.
let me draw it.
i can scan the dreerrring(classic, really a briannirvana classic i watch it every sat from 5:00pm-7:00 on ketc channel 9 st louis.
i have power tool and a garage too.
im gonna bulid a second temple ouit of graded baseball cards.
nop photo s though. sucks.
the temple of nyquil bottles is three bottles a picture of berryman and a loytto ticket and this poem:

Zoe, a 6:00cdt
come home tonight
so in morn we can paint.

could this be considered absurb like stepping through you r door twice before exiting or entering?

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

berryman is 1 - 2
zoe wont be home till monday morn.
i asked john to give me the strength to memorize this in 15 minutes:
Art Nouveau: Art and design style and localized term for the cluster of consiously radicle, yet somewhat reformist chic and prelude to modenism.

i did it in 15 minutes.

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

i just asked him to keep me from drinking the fourth quart.
will i?

on Sunday, July 10th, SirAtededge said

I'm not real craftsy so can I count a picture of Eamonn DeValera in an empty Guinness 4 pack as a shrine to Lugh of the Long Arms?

Also, if we believed Irag had WMD or means to make them, we better keep an eye that freakin' Norm Abrams and all that space-age hardware he's got. What's up with that beard anyway?

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

i have a beard and maybe he like i has an acne problem.

anyway i asked john to help me recall last nights study about post impressionism. i tested myself and i passed without ever flinching.

he's 2 for 3

i have yet to see if ill drink the fourth quart thought the 3rd is almost finished.
pray 4 me brothers!

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

berrymans two for four.
i just opened the fourth scroll, no instead a quart.(32ounces of miller high life)

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

1 more for berryman:
st louis is in san fran at 3:00pm cdt.
win cards.
i added a cardinal player trading card(jim edmonds card with a piece of his bat from 2004) to the temple.
go cards,
win 4 me berryman
win 4 me

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

i started a second shrine.
temple sounds to neoclassical i dislike the neo classical revival i am a mannerist revival fan.
shine is more symbolic like the mannerists, especially ingres, pronounced angra.
the shrine is the second installment.
i took the cigareete butts from my vanbriggle ashtray. they are in the corner with a photo(blackandwhite) of Steve Carlton, the mlb pitcher.
he might be god.
i am open to anything except violence and shiity worthless hippy revolutions.
cigs and carlton:
1st prayer:
world piece by midnight tonight cdt.
could happen.

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

mr carlton:
karen corr is playing on espn
she's down 2 games to one:
no she's a pool player:
let her win. please.

on Sunday, July 10th, briannirvana said

corr lost the cards game is on.

on Sunday, July 10th, subculture-nos said

Speaking of medusa, I have an amusingly sick sad story to contribute about that retched tv crone. Back when I lived in philly, one of my fav diners was Little Pete's on 17th(ish or so). It was some time after midnight when a friend of mine and I wandered in for some coffee and burgers to find the place lacking a free booth, so we sat at the counter and diagonally across from us was none other than Suzanne the dogfaced boy (no offence to carnival freaks meant). Aside from that she was in some manner of sequinned old lady formal wear with some kind of award statue- implicating that not only did she get some award for being a tv idiot, but that her celebration was taking place in a little greasy diner alone! Much to my dismay its even more irritating and disgusting to watch her in person trying to get her malformed dentures around crackers than it is to see the commercials for her 15minute "get off my lawn adivice" show. Were I not a starving art student at the time I most definatly would have lost my appitite. ick!

on Sunday, July 10th, razlerja said

Yes, Yahweh or in Hebrew: Yod He Vau He. In Hermeticism the Holy Unspeakable Name of God, is code for the cycle of life and death. Yod is the All Father. He is his wife. Vau is their son who overthrows his father, takes the second He as his new queen, becomes the Yod "by placing her on the throne of the queen, the Eld of the All Father shall be rewoken" and the cycle starts again. Now, what do you suppose INRI on top of Jesus' cross means?????

on Monday, July 11th, Doc said

And I thought the holy trinity was Ozzie,Lemmy and Joey Ramone...

on Monday, July 11th, A Servant of The Most High said

Get off the juice of the devil. There are Kings coming and there was a shining star. Holy people are waiting for the Good King. You best forget about the acid punch and get on your knees and hope the Creator reveals himself to you before it is too late. I can just imagine what evil garbage you listen to and read. May he have mercy on you.
-A Servant of the Most High

on Monday, July 11th, briannirvana said

true, if he hasnt revealed himself to you your not trying.
ive seen him, twice.

on Monday, July 11th, razlerja said

You think you see things when you dream, but that can't be because you're asleep and your eyes are closed. The fact is that you don't see with our eyes, or hear with your ears, all of this, everything that you know and experience takes place ENTIRELY within your brain. You say that you've 'seen' God twice. Without re-re-re-debating the existance of God (a relief to many, I'm sure) I will say that it is equally true that you just dreamed or imagined or hallucinated that you 'saw' God. There is NO WAY to objectively determine if God revealed Himself or if you just had a little too much Niquil that day. YOU decided which it was that you would believe. YOU determined what reality was, subjectively. YOU are your own God.

on Monday, July 11th, briannirvana said

there was a bit of sarcasm in my post, sorry, i think this is Mykle again.
im baiting him before i ask for drew's underwear agian.

on Monday, July 11th, Grundy Sherwood said

How can I become a servant of the Most High? I bet that's a pretty sweet gig. I bet he's got some really killer weed. I've seen some really high people before, so this guy must be completely baked out of his skull. No wonder you're seeing things!

on Monday, July 11th, A Servant of Most High said

Everyone is waiting for something. The evil people are waiting for the evil king. Revelation 13 and the holy people are waiting for the good king. Revelataion 21 and the rest don't even know what is going on. You better forget about drinking the acid punch and get on your knees and hope the Creator of the Universe reverals himself to you before it is too late! Find out what Tetragrammaton is and you might be on your way

on Monday, July 11th, dogfaceboy said

tetragrammaton? sorry, I don't do pharmaceuticals. you never know what they're putting in that shit.

on Monday, July 11th, billzebub said

I'm not waiting for anything. I already got everything I ordered from Amazon.

on Monday, July 11th, Don S said

Tetragrammaton? Is that like Paraquat?

on Tuesday, July 12th, Rodney said

Wouldn't "The Most High" be Tommy Chong? Badda Bing! RATYHTL audiences are the best audience, good night.

on Tuesday, July 12th, razlerja said

I know exactly what Tetragrammaton is. So what does His name have to do with anything we're discussing here? And, citing Revelation is as good as citing Harry Potter or Tolkein or any other work of pure fiction and imagination. People have been quoting Revelation for predicting the end of the world for a thousand years, and nothing, not one thing, has ever happened or been shown to be true. They will go on predicting the end of the world until, finally, the end of the world and then they will say "see, we told you, we were right all along." Fools all!

on Tuesday, July 12th, briannirvana said

i just got home and im smoking a huge bag of tupperware.
i am most high.

on Tuesday, July 12th, razlerja said

The Tetragrammaton has at times been referred to as Sem ha-mephoras or Schemahamphorasch, perhaps the origin of the word "semaphore," which resembles the Hindu samjna. "The Rabbinic tradition declares that Sam ha-mephoras either was inscribed on a holy phallic stone buried in the Great Gate of Mother Earth, or else was the stone itself, also called Eben stijjah, the Stygian Stone, or Stone of the Deeps. It was connected with the sexual myth of the descent of the Father Heaven's phallus into the yoni of the virgin Mother Earth, to "unlock her fountains," that is, to stimulate the Nether Upsurge of world-sustaining blood. Sexual organs of God and Goddess lay at the center of the holy of Holies. 'David is supposed to have found at the digging of the foundation of the temple, the Eben stijjah, Stone of the Deeps, that unlocked the fountain of the great deep, and on which the Sem ha-mephoras, the outspoken name of God, was inscribed.'" A.G.H.

on Tuesday, July 12th, Grundy Sherwood said

But I want to drink the acid punch. Is that how you get to be a servant of the Most High?

Everyone is waiting for something, but no one is waiting for syphilis.

on Tuesday, July 12th, billzebub said

I am the captain of the semaphore and a right good captain, too!

on Friday, July 15th, mykel armory said

rodney you are tell us of the god. no good. you are say a man of no god and you are te say to us that we are to nkwo of you and god. how sad is is that you are sick in side and you are tell people that they are to no god with you. you tell people to die and hope they die and then are all over idead of what they belief. you are not repsect people and their bel.ief in the god. rmeember the god he say that man must no him and only him to be with mih. not you rondey you are not god. the god is the god. no one .learn ist.

on Friday, July 15th, razlerja said

Rodney didn't say there was no God in this piece; he said that there were many Gods and Goddesses (and Ben Schumin).

"...we are to nkwo of you and god." ~The Gospel of Mykel

on Saturday, July 16th, Me said

the god is the god????

sounds familiar...

A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
And no one can talk to a horse of course
That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mister Ed.

on Saturday, July 16th, razlerja said

"Is a God to live in a dog?" ~Aleister Crowley/Liber Al vel Legis

on Thursday, July 21st, Oneword said

Of course Elohim is plural.This doesnt necessarily mean many gods.In this case its talking about the trinity.Notice the verse that says We created man in our image.The trinity (God) is made up of 3 different persons,not 3 differnt "people",theres a difference.3 persons means 3 different personalities,hence the word persons, in one God.The first personality is known as the Father. He is all thruogh the bible. He is the one Adam and eve talk to,the one who passed over Moses, the one that the Devil conversates with, and the one that sits in the throne of heaven.The second personality is the spirit.This person has many names like,the Holy Ghost,Holy Spirit, and the breath of God.This is what makes God omnipresent,which means the ability to be everywhere at once.It also enters the diciples to give them spiritual gifts,and what also empowers Gods creation.The third personality is God in man form, which also appears throught the bile, not just the new testament.Jesus even says," Iwas there since the creation".Anoyher time this person appears in the bible, is when He wrestled with Jacob.Jacob didnt win the match by the way ,It was God.(There is no record in the bible of Jacob saying Gods name during this match. so stop adding religion to my history book)Pinning doesnt mean any thing in a real grappling match.In the UFC, you do not win with a pin, but God dislocated Jacobs hip, so who really won the match.So Jacob walked away from the match with a new name and a whole nation named after him for his bravery as a reward, but he was also badly injured. So he really won and lost at the same time.Now if this were the father personality, Jacob would have died instantly,just for being in His presence.WE all know what happened to Moses after getting just a tiny glimps of God the fathers back.But if any of these personalities was abscent, then God would cease to be God.

on Thursday, July 21st, Oneword said

By the way, Got is not a God of violence and destruction,But is a God of love and punishment, which work hand in hand together.Just like a parent would punish there children because they love them.Every war in the bible is a result of people not listening to God in the first place, therefore, there punishment is that they have to go to war.For exaple, the Isrealites, did not exept there first promise land because they were to afraid to enter, so then they had to go to war to get a different one.Once again Rodney, your web site does not impress me Like your music does.I think you are going down hill,and you should get back to work on your guitar.The one eyed dogs tail stoped wagging.

on Thursday, July 28th, 3 said

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on Saturday, July 30th, Casinos said

The petition proposals would allow two casinos in omaha and about 4,900 video poker and slot machines in bars, keno parlors and racetracks across the state, if

on Saturday, July 30th, Las Vegas said

North las vegas
north las vegas police don't have much to go on after
finding a man dead on a sidewalk last night. police say he'd been
shot in the head

divide2 (4k image)

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