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Home » Archives » March 2005 » King Herod Agrippa: Not Such a bad guy once you get to know him.

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03/27/2005: "King Herod Agrippa: Not Such a bad guy once you get to know him."

Apparently it's Easter. Or, at least, that's what the voices on NPR said
this morning.

Having been raised in a not particularly religious household, I've always
been a little vague about exactly when Easter (among other thing);
although Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic/Homoerotic ignavum opus The
has made pinpointing the Easter Holidays much easier. Now I
simply call one of my Jewish friends ("Then you ARE prejudiced, Billy.
Because you think of Timmy as your Jewish friend, and not as you Gentile
baby sacrificing friend."
) and ask them what they're doing over the
weekend. If their answer is "staying inside with all the lights off and
not daring to venture near a window", I know it's almost time for Peter
Cottontail to hip-hopping over the bodies of non-Christians.

Would it really be Easter without a few words about Terri Schiavo?

I always known that Fundies hate America and want to replace it with
a Theocracy wherein the driver of any car (make that SUV: there will be
no cars in the coming Theocracy) which fails to sport a "Jesus is my
copilot" bumper sticker will be subjected to heavy fines before being burned
at the stake; but, until recently, I never realized how much Fundies hate
their own children
and frequently expose them to danger.

newfish1 (28k image)For example, on Friday a ten-year-old boy was arrested by Pinellas County,
Florida Sheriff's deputies for trespassing when he snuck onto the property
of Woodside Hospice in an attempt to bring a glass of water to Terri
Schiavo. Setting aside, for the moment, the fact that pouring a glass of
water down Terri Schiavo's non-responsive throat would only cause her to
drown, and that (to the best of my knowledge) the facility where the boy
will be held resembles HBO's OZ more closely than Degrassi
Junior High
, we must ask the question "what sort of crazy religious
fanatic would allow their children into the close proximity of other crazy
religious fanatic?"

Fundies have a nasty history of blowing things up, burning things down,
and shooting people
. They know how dangerous they are; yet they
continually drag their children to all sorts of potentially dangerous
Culture of Life events. I live a few blocks away from a Planned
Parenthood and not a month goes by without my spotting a bunch of Phetus
Phreaks parading their culturally challenged offspring outside of a
building they have said it is morally acceptable to blow up.

The father of Joshua Heldreth, the boy arrested in Florida, claims that
it was his son's wish, and not his, to be driven from North Carolina
(Go Cocks!) to Florida. Not to visit DisneyWorld, but to either
"re-hydrate" (drown) Schiavo or to get busted trying. Shit Luther, aren't
Conservatives supposed to rule over their misshapen kids with an iron hand?

"Dad, I want you to drive me to Florida - Right Now! Chop, chop!"

"Yes son; anything you say."

"And dad, I want you to back like a dog for the entire duration of the

"Sure thing, son. I man 'woof, woof'."

_ . _

Speaking of backing little bitches, George Bush recently referred to the
members of the Minutemen Project, who are attempting to guard the southern
border of the United States from illegal aliens (and have nothing to do with
the band The Minutemen), as "vigilantes." These "vigilantes", in a parody
of the term "undocumented worker", prefer to think of themselves as "the
undocumented border patrol."

Maybe if Bush hadn't cut the funding that would've added 2,000 border
patrol agents, these "vigilantes" could pack up and go home. Personally,
I'd love to see the look on Bush's face if The Minutemen should happen to
ever capture a member of al Qaeda sneaking across the Mexican border.

George Bush: Are you sure this fellow is an Ay-rab? I mean, he said his
name was "Juan".

Karl Rove: Well he was wearing a button which said "Kiss me; I'm Saudi
Arabian". Oh, and his t-shirt read "Islamic bikini inspector. Anyone woman
caught wearing a bikini will be beheaded."

_ . _

askas (22k image)Real questions and answers
from the Ayatollah's official website

Today's Question

Again the same lady whose normal cycle was five to six days, but recently
goes up to ten or more days. What are the rulings in this case?

Answer: It should be considered hayd in 10 days; the remainder
should be istihadah.

[Got that? After 10 days it's istihadah. Now stop writng me about it
- Ayatollah Anonymous]

_ . _

_ . _

gonzale5 (19k image)

She's mighty proud of her work in Ass Cream, Assfensive,
The Ass Watcher 2, Bang My White Ass, Fatt Asses,
Deep Cheeks 11, and Droppin' Loads 4

She's not mighty proud of her work in Glitter

Happy birthday to ...

Red Heaven who turns 24 today.

And Mariah Carey who turns 34.

The ancient Greek word of the day is:
paroimia - proverb

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.

The Latin word of the day is:
docet - (s/he) teaches

Replies: 9 Comments

on Sunday, March 27th, billzebub said

"North Carolina(Go Cocks!)" -Rodney

Once again your zeal to make light of those of us below the Mason-Dixon has clouded your ittellect. South Carolina is home of the Gamecocks (my alma mater) and NC is home to Billy Graham and his ilk.

on Sunday, March 27th, Rodney said

Yes, I know about the hack attack on the forum.

on Monday, March 28th, mykel armory said

i see wear you are going and it is hell. think in side your self for the power to know. this poor woman is on the way to die and you sit there in a chair and eat and tell us that she shood be drowned!!! what kind of person are oi? not accept able. have some hearts. really. they will bring you to your sense. if you are try to be a evil man then claps. good job. if you think this is the way to make sense of it then you must look in side your self. find the diiper meaning. remember the god says, he sau "woe be unto you who take life" and you are take life with the terry making her starve to death. not a pretty way to die. you ate? you ate? Last night? well. what of did not eat? i am for shame to hear this. i will keep over your soud.

on Monday, March 28th, Nigel Tailwind said

Hey Rod! When you get to hell (see above post) tell me what you think of my mother's cooking. I'm off to find the "dipper meaning" of life on planet mongoloid.

on Monday, March 28th, briannirvana said

Johnaton Swift proposed that we eat the useless.
Shiavo and red rice. mmm better than Chef boyrdee could have done.

on Monday, March 28th, briannirvana said

What's trully funny is that this person or persons would admit that they are turkish.
I still call it constantinople. So there.

on Monday, March 28th, the drunk mailman said

have some hearts...really...they're yummy...and full of iron...real good for you...they will bring you to your sense....boy oh boy it's a hasbro toy

on Monday, March 28th, briannirvana said

Ben Franklin wanted the turkey to be our national bird.
A turkey spread eagled on the reverse of coins?

on Monday, March 28th, billzebub said

turkey spread...mmmm.

divide2 (4k image)

Ronald Reagan in Hell
The Paul Kircher Show
The Dead Milkmen

March 2005

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