03/20/2005: "Either / Or"
If you own two or more Dead Milkmen CD's, the odds are pretty good that
you've never read Soren Kierkegaard's Either / Or. Don't worry;
you haven't missed out on much. Basically, Kierkegaard's premise is that
you can either lead a wretched life of devout piety and go to
Heaven, which is a rather dull place; or you can lead a life of wanton
excess and go directly to Hell. Down either path lies misery of one sort
of another. Needless to say, Kierkegaard died a virgin: A miserable virgin.
What never seems to have occurred to ol' Soren is that it might be
possible to lead the most chaste of existences and still spend an eternity
in a lake o' fire. Or, for that matter, one might arrive at the Pearly
Gates to discover not Saint Peter but Anton LeVey. The truth is that we
just don't know: and neither did Kierkegaard.
This Either / Or approach to reasoning has plagued Americans, both on the
Left and Right, for quite some time. Either you're for the war with
Iraq, or you don't support the troops. Either you're in favor
of reparations for Slavery, or you're a racist bastard. Haven't
these people ever heard of AND? It's a funny little logical function
that allows two things to be true at once. For example: The accuser's
mother is a con artist and Michael Jackson is a pedophile.
See how useful AND can be? It really steps up to the plate when
discussing Terry Schiavo.
Does Terry have a right to die? Yes. Should Terry have her feeding-tube
removed? No. Do I have any idea of what the Hell I'm talking about? Maybe.
Let's start with the basics.
Terry Schiavo did not leave any sort of "Living Will" that might indicate
rather or not she would want to be disconnected from life-support were she
to be severely incapacitated (Let this be a lesson to all of you - stop
reading this and don't come back until you've gotten that Living Will
together). 19 judges in 6 courts have decided that the right to decide
rather or not Terry's tube gets removed lies with her husband, Michael.
And that's good enough for me.
By the way, one of the goals of the Terry Schiavo Foundation is to "cause
a change in the guardian laws that bring about a situation like Terri's.
Current guardian laws can allow a spouse to have complete control over a
loved-one's life and death and can clear the path for euthanasia of that
loved-one, against the immediate family's objections." A caring family
and a bad idea. Imagine that your spouse had repeatedly told you
(but was too lazy you make out a Living Will) that he or she did not want
to be kept alive by artificial means. One day your spouse is in a horrible
accident involving a carload of midgets and a cement mixer and rendered
brain dead. Before you can fulfill your husband or wife's wishes, in comes
crazy Aunt Gertrude with a court order in one hand and rosary beads in the
As far as I'm concerned, Michael Schiavo has the right to have his wife's
And that would be the wrong thing to do…
Laying aside the question of rather or not Terry is in a "persistent
vegetative state" or not (Terry's parents have produced a video of her
which appears to show her making eye contact. However, this "eye contact"
takes place in only a few seconds of the nearly 4 and a half hours of video
taken by Terry parents. This still hasn't stopped the video from reaching
the Number 5 spot on MTV's TRL Live), there is still the issue of
how Terry will die. With the feeding tube removed, it could take
Terry over a week to die from a combination of starvation and dehydration.
Shit Luther, we've all looked at pictures of Terry Schiavo and said "If
that ever happens to me, pull the plug." The problem is that there is no
plug to pull. No switch to flick that will instantly and painlessly
extinguish Terry's life. Remember; when we were 17 we all said "I hope I
die before I turn 30."
Now, as for all of those people whom you've seen on the news praying
outsideof Terry's hospice: They're decent, caring human beings and
a bunch of assholes.
Look. I agree with these jokers that Terry Schiavo's feeding-tube should
not be removed. But what I want to know is where these people and their
candlelight vigils were when the Iraqi war was declared? Yes, one woman
slowly starving to death in Florida is, indeed, a tragedy. But so are
100,000 dead Iraqis (make that 99,998 - I'm not shedding any tears over
Uday and Husay). And I can't help but wonder hat these people's position
would be if the only thing that could save Terry was the product of
stem-cell research. How compassionate would they be then?
_ . _
Real questions and answers
from the Ayatollah's official website
In relation to the money and gifts, which are given to a child who is
A: do the money and gifts belong to the parents or to the child itself?
B: if they belong to the child, can the parents spend the money for
C: if they can spend the money for themselves, do they have to replace it
and give it to the child once he or she becomes baligh?
D: can they spend the money for the child’s benefit?
E: if they can spend the money the child’s benefit, do they have to replace
it and give it to the child once he or she becomes baligh?
F: do the parents have to pay khums on money given as gifts to their
Answer: A: It is the child’s own property.
B: - Mother cannot but father can. Father can use the money or take it as
loan and then return it to his son.
C: Explained above.
D: Father can.
E: In this case, it is not necessary to replace it.
F: If it remains unused for a year, the father should pay off its khums.
_ . _
She made whooping sounds in Gang Bangs 5: When Will I Be Loved?,
Butt Plumbers, Francesca Has a Negro Problem,
and Pull My Hair and Call Me Stupid
He made the same whooping sounds in Altered States
Happy birthday to ...
Ashley Moore who turns 23 today.
And William Hurt who turns 55.
eunh - bed; marriage; sex
If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.
orare - to pray