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03/08/2005: "Did you see Mr. Morrison's organ?"

Twenty percent of Americans think the sun orbits the earth. Seventeen
percent believe the earth revolves around the sun once a day
(The Week, Jan. 7, 2005).

_ . _


Hey there, moody loners. I'm taking advantage of the inclement weather to
get started on a new project. I'm transforming a melodica into a portative
organ: then I'm going to form a new band. Since I've got a lot on my plate,
today's Thoughtless will be somewhat shorter than the norm.

In Sunday's Thoughtless, the following sentence appeared:

Twenty years ago the CIA had been instrumental in organizing the
overthrow of their legitimately elected government (who were in the process
of nationalizing the country's oil industry) and replacing it with the
brutal, Totalitarian regime of the Shah.

Nigel wrote in to suggest that I should not have capitalized the word
"Totalitarian."

Now, I'm of two minds on the subject of people who write in to correct my
grammar. On the one hand, having recently read Lynne Truss' Eats,
Shoots & Leaves , I can certainly appreciate the "zero tolerance"
approach to grammar. I cringe every time I walk past a sign, less than four
blocks from my home, which reads "No dogs please".

On the other hand, I am a brutal megalomaniac who flies into a mindless rage
whenever even the smallest piece of his writing is questioned. The gauntlet
had been thrown down and it was now my turn place it in the recycling bin
marked "Foil, Cans, and Gauntlets."

That "T" in Totalitarian looked Totally kosher To me. But who am I? I don't
have a degree in English. In fact, I dropped of a college whose most famous
graduate worked as a male escort before landing a gig pitching (no pun
intended) softball (some pun intended) question to the President (pun
intended). I need the opinion of an expert. And that's why I spent $36.50
calling Professor D. Harrison Callahan. Professor Callahan teaches English
at Oxford University and is the author of The Conscientious English
Grammarian. After a brief introduction, the following conversation
ensued:

Rodney Anonymous: Professor Callahan, in the following sentence, would the
word "Totalitarian" be capitalized? "Twenty years ago the CIA had been
instrumental in organizing the overthrow of their legitimately elected
government (who were in the process of nationalizing the country's oil
industry) and replacing it with the brutal, Totalitarian regime of the
Shah."

Professor Callahan: Well, I would say that the same rule which we
grammarians apply to "splice commas" would also be applied in this case.

RA: Please, excuse my ignorance, I attended a State university, but I'm not
familiar with that rule.

PC: *sigh* The rule states that such grammatical idiosyncrasies are
acceptable when the author is famous. Well?

RA: Excuse me?

PC: Do you?

RA: Do I what?

PC: Do you feel famous? Well, do you, punk?

RA: No really. I write a blog and…

PC: A blogger? My good man, you good have spelled "Totalitarian" with only
one "t" and a series of ampersands and no one would have the right to
question it.

RA: And why is that?

PC: It's been an accepted rule, for some time now, that when a person reads
a blog they are, in fact, signing an unwritten contract which reads: "By
agreeing to read something that was written at two o'clock in the afternoon
by someone wearing a bathrobe and a tinfoil hat, I hereby relinquish all
rights to critique said material for grammatical - or logical -
inconsistencies."

RA: Oh, I see. Just for the sake of my own curiosity, what would the rule
be for a non-famous, non-blogging author?

CP: Let me put it to you this way; would you have capitalized "Catholic"?

RA: Of course.

CP: Well, it's the same thing; isn't it?

RA: Oh, now I see. Since Totalitarianism, like Catholicism, is an ideology,
the word "Totalitarian" should be capitalized just as the word "Catholic"
should be.

PC: No. I'm saying that Totalitarianism and Catholicism are the same thing.
Think about it.

_ . _

"No, your honor, but I play the organ."
- Ray Manzarek (at Jim Morrison's indecent exposure trial)

_ . _

Movies, language, and mobsters: that's what you missed if you didn't
catch the latest Paul Kircher show (I was there too).
_ . _

She used her head to land lead roles in Fluffy Cumsalot, Porn Star
and Ass Clowns 3

He was one of the stars of the movie Head.

Happy birthday to ...

Jennifer Steele who turns 33 today.

And Micky Dolenz hits the big six-oh.

Replies: 6 Comments

on Tuesday, March 8th, Nigel Tailwind said

Glad I inspired you Rod. My comment was more in the line of there is no formal totalitarian party. I'd capitalize Communist Party (pardon the pun)

on Tuesday, March 8th, the drunk mailman said

you could play your organ on street corners and get one of those face-eating sack ripping monkeys to beg for change...organ chords and blood curdling screams...the now sound of the 21st century...i'd buy the cd

on Tuesday, March 8th, Nigel Tailwind said

Heh heh. You said organ.

on Tuesday, March 8th, Zaphod said

I've waited years to see my favorite blogger mention my favorite movie, Ass clowns 3, er, Head! Pink Floyd's The Wall is just Head taking itself seriously.

on Tuesday, March 8th, billzebub said

Well, since you mentioned Ray Manzarek, I feel that you must share ina little story I like to call:

on Tuesday, March 8th, billzebub said

Oh, and I'm not as conservative as I was when I wrote that...I don't know that I am at all anymore, come to think of it. Except I'm for less government. Still.