[Previous entry: "My date with Rick Santorum"] [Next entry: "Unfunny at any speed: Billy Crystal"]

02/27/2005: "I'm wearing my Horowitz"

Hey there, teenage assault-rifle enthusiasts. Sorry about not writing for
a few days, but I've been busy enjoying the two-week-trial-version-of-
Napster experience. Since I have a dial-up modem, it took me nearly 72
hours (plus 40 cups of coffee and a bottle of those "much too strong for
the casual dieter" pills) to download the entire Mediaeval Baebes catalog.

Now, before you do anything else, I want you to open up this link in a
separate window while I stick my head out of my front door so that I may
better hear your collective gasps of "What the PFMYV is this shit?"

Good question. On first inspection, it appears to be a rather haphazard
attempt to link harmless wimp-liberals, Left-leaning b-list celebrities,
and convicted murderers with the 9/11 hijackers. Which is quite a public
service, if you really think about it (not recommended), since, up until
now, most Americans were woefully ignorant of the numerous connections
between the host ofThe Prairie Home Companion, Garrison Keillor,
and al Qaeda. Holy bat-shit, Robin!

Discover the Network appears to be the reptilian brainchild of
former-Leftist-turned-mercury-drinking-Reactionary David Horowitz. For
those of you keeping score, the launch of DtN marks the point at which Mr.
Horowitz lost the last, tiny scrap of credibility that he had been saving
in his gym locker. I ask you, gentle reader, is there anything sadder than
witnessing a once great man devolve into a finger-pointing, paranoid
asshole? Of course there is: the ending of Silent Running. When the
camera pulls back to show that little robot, all alone, watering the trees
and plants. That's what happens when you leave an entire space station in
the hands of a hippie like Bruce Dern (Who's not mentioned - at least not
yet - on DtN).

I bet you think that I'm pretty pissed off about Discover the
Network. Oddly, I'm not. Sure, I'm deeply hurt that my name hasn't
been added to their list of Enemies of the People (Shit Luther, if
Alexander Cockburn of Counterpunch can get a listing, why cant I?
After all, people actually read my site.). No, I have healthy
respect for DtN (not as a bold attempt at propaganda; it's a complete
failure in that department) - as art.

When asked to provide a definition for "Hard core" pornography, Justice
Potter Stewart famously replied, "I can't define it, but I know it when I
see it." That's exactly how I feel about art (and "Hard core" pornography)
and, from my mouth to Hubbard's ear, Discover the Network (which,
in coming months, will be attempting to link Captain Kangaroo with
ineffectual shoe-bomber Richard Reid) is the Nude Descending a
Staircase of nutjob web sites.

By the way, here are a few other things that I know to be art:

Crank phone calls.

Cow tipping.

Pope tipping.

That "line dance" thing they do on Soul Train.

Hockey.

So how did I become so knowable about the world of art? That's easy; I live
in Philadelphia. Philly has more public art than any other city in the
world. Philly is the home of Auguste Rodin's The Thinker. Philly
graffiti artist "Cornbread" once spray-painted his name on an elephant at
the zoo.

Despite our rich artistic history, our largest art museum is known as the
Philadelphia Museum of Art (as if there were only one art museum in the
entire city), while Philly's retarded kid brother, New York City, is home
to "the Met", "the Guggenheim", and "the Whitney": all of which suck a
surprising amount of rabid mongoose ass when compared to the far superior
Philadelphia Museum of Art. Yet the Philadelphia Museum of Art's is best
know not for its Marcel Duchamp collection (or as the place where Gerald R.
Ford lost his virginity), but for serving as a prop in Rocky.

Anyhoo, until May 15 the Philadelphia Museum of Art (which, from this day
hence, shall be known as "the Phart") is hosting a centennial retrospective
exhibition of the works of Salvador Dalí. This, of course, means what I've
been treated a chorus of mouthed-breathing dullards complaining that, when
it comes to anything from Modern Art to personal hygiene, they "just don't
get it."

I like Modern Art for the best of all possible reasons: because both
the Nazis and the Communists hated it.

The Nazis' hatred of Modern Art no doubt stemmed from the fact that many
Cubists, Surrealists, and employees of Pottery Barn drew inspiration from
the ideas of Freud, Einstein and Marx (Jew, Jew, semi-Jew). The Nazis even
went so far as to organize an exhibit of "degenerate" art; which leaves me
with the mental image of an SS officer filing past a Picasso and mumbling,
"Gott in Himmel. Meine kliene Otto could paint that. Vie ist diss guy
considered such hot schnitzel, aber Der Fuhrer could never sell one of his
wunderbar landscapes? Ich just don't get est."

One of the many ironies of the Third Reich (like the fact that they were
all gayer than the nominees for Best Costume Design), is that the Nazis
considered Modern Art to not only be "degenerate", but "Bolshevik" to (Das)
boot. You see, the Communist had banned Modern Art. Why? Because, according
to the higher-ups in the Party, the workers "just didn't get it." Sorry
Yuri, but that Pollack reproduction has been deemed to be counter-
revolutionary as well as pretentious.

Someone else who "just didn't get it" was US Congressman George A. Dondero
who, like the Nazis, attempted to link Modern Art to Communism (Much in the
same way the folks at Discover the Network have attempted to link
the late Fred "Mr." Rogers to Hezbohla) and strove to "protect and preserve
legitimate art as we have always known it in the United States."

One last thought. Have you ever seen that huge (12 foot high by 235 foot
wide) on the wall of LaGuardia Airport? The work was called FLIGHT;
it was painted, over three years (1939-42), by James Brooks, and funded by
the WPA. In1952 FLIGHT was deemed to be "too socialist" by a
committee of Fucking Neanderthals who "just didn't get it" and covered with
a coat of gray paint. It would remain that way until 1980 when it was
restored - much to the delight of James Brooks.

Happy OSCAR Night birthday to ...

Luigina. The star of Teenage Anal Princess
is no longer a teenager, but still a princess; she turns 20 today.

While Elizabeth Taylor star of one of teh best movies evar -
Suddnely, Last Summer - turns not 72.

Replies: 8 Comments

on Sunday, February 27th, Grundy Sherwood said

David Horowitz was once a great man? You're going to have to explain that one to me. As far as I can tell, he's always been an extremist lunatic, the only thing special about him being that he's been a lunatic on both extremes.

on Sunday, February 27th, billzebub said

I am confused about how threatening some of the characters on that website are. Danny Glover? Why is this guy not already on a no-fly list? I know he can't catch a cab in Harlem, but as far as I know he's still free to blow up planes.

on Sunday, February 27th, Rory said

What a fantastic picture of Ted Kennedy.

on Monday, February 28th, Nigel Tailwind said

I went to the Dali museum in Figueres Spain. That night was filled with the wildest dreams imaginable.

on Monday, February 28th, Rodney said

"David Horowitz was once a great man? You're going to have to explain that one to me."

Horowitz has, on occasion, been capable of making very persuasive arguments. Case-in-point, his “Ten Reasons Why Reparations for Blacks is a Bad Idea for Blacks - and Racist Too”

http://www.frontpagemag.com/Articles/ReadArticle.asp?ID=1153

on Monday, February 28th, Grundy Sherwood said

While I do agree that reparations is not a reasonable idea, and Horowitz makes some good points, his article does contain some inaccuracies and fallacies. Also, bringing up this article implies that he was a great man four years ago, which I definitely disagree with. I was expecting something about his Black Panther days perhaps (pretty nutty if you ask me). Or maybe his days as a staunch Marxist, which is a noble ideology but easy to pick out the fatal flaw, something he should have picked up on. Or perhaps his involvement with the New Left, whose eschewing of labor issues, I believe, led to the separation of liberalism from populism; not something that I find commendable. Or was it his days as a staunch anti-Marxist, including, but not limited to, his support of the Contras, and calling people who opposed the current war a bunch of commies? I'll admit, the guy can be persuasive at times, but I still maintain that he is now, and has always been a royal nutbag. A veritable wrecking ball of crazy.

on Tuesday, March 1st, razlerja said

Yeah, that Roger Ebert always worried me, too. I'm glad that someone's keeping an eye on him. And, hey baby! check out those hooters on Ted Kennedy!

on Tuesday, March 1st, ashort1@nyc.rr.com said

This is like that 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon game. Horowitz is a conservative, most of whom oppose abortion, like the Catholic church, which harbors pedophiles, like Michael Jackson, which stimulates all kinds of wonderful QEDs in the less rigorous mind.

On another note, has any seen the latest Homestarrunner Strongbad Email about his rock opera? There is a lead in about using the name Anonymous.