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02/01/2005: "Return of the Sundance Kid"

Greetings fellow blue-bloods and a gleeful "Hola!" to the domestic help.

As you may or may not have heard, Mr. Anonymous has been "incapacitated
by a serious illness." I take this to mean that he has a minor cold and
the intension of spending the rest of the week lying on the sofa watching
"You swallowed what?" and "When surgical tools get misplaced" on
that accursed Discovery Health Channel. Either way, I will be in
charge of both RATYHTL and The Anonymous Mercury for the next few days.

Of course I also have the duties as the Theater critic for the Burley
Protestant Observer to attend to. It was in my capacity as such that
I recently attended the Sundance Film Festival in Colorado. Here's my
"Best of" list - which, coincidently, consists of the only three films
that I went to see.


Best Film: Angry Black Teenager Division

Lady, I'm a Rape You. Lady, I'm a Kill You.
Written by Chad Farnsworth IV
Directed by Tad Whitley-Sutton
Produced by Steven Soderbergh

Rapper Vee Deejay (who was tragically shot dead earlier this year while
accepting the "Increase the Peace" prize at the Vibe Awards) makes his
fourth film debut as Darnell Tibbs: an angry young "project kid" with a
tire iron and a dream of making it in the competitive world of Hip Hop
accessorizing.

Featuring Lindsay Wagner as "White Car-Jacking Victim No. 47" and Darcia
Hicks as Darnell's caring grandmother whom he is forced to mug in order
to finance his demo tape.



Best Film: Nerdy White Teenager Division

Swirlies

Written by James "Spaz-Wad" McKinney
Directed by Thomas "Four-eyes" Farley
Produced by Steven Soderbergh


Mel Gibson's The Passion of Christ meets Todd Solondz's Welcome
to the Dollhouse as a group of high school bullies spend two hours
beating a 90 lb weakling to a bloody pulp. Fists and Magic: The Gathering
cards fly in this unflinchingly realistic look at the American school
system.

Featuring Jeff Daniels as the caring Social Studies teacher who takes the
time to instructing the boys in the proper way to administer a "Pink belly."



Best Documentary

Palchalkit, WV

Written by Clem Higgins
Directed by Billy Bob Wuornos
Produced by Steven Soderbergh

In 1968 a collapse followed by flood followed by a subterranean blizzard
led to the closing of the Harrison Coal Mine (the area's chief employer).
Resident's of Palchalkit, WV who had previously toiled below the earth
were forced to return to school, major in "Appalachian Studies", and take
teaching jobs at small New England collages.

In 2003 Professor Eric Dickerson returned to Palchalkit to document such
regional practices as clogging, fiddle playing, quilting, and bootlegging.
He was killed by four teenagers wearing bootlegged DMX t-shirts.

_ . _

Replies: 4 Comments

on Tuesday, February 1st, Briannirvana said

The documentary was interesting.
Shit hasppens eh?
if dickerson was robbed also that would say a little more.

How about a sports film?

on Tuesday, February 1st, Christine said

You forgot to mention the prominence of the Linderman family in the WV documentary.

on Tuesday, February 1st, Paul Kircher said

hehe, Magic: The Gathering

on Tuesday, February 1st, ebbv said

i'm laughing on the internet. :)