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01/05/2005: "FOX (and Friends) on the run."
Normally, one of the first things I do when I awake each morning is to turn
on the radio and get the morning's news from NPR. This morning I made the
mistake of turning on the TV and catching FOX and Friends (which
really should change its name to Hee Haw-Jazeera: Officially Approved
Government News for Dumbshits).
The first thing that I noticed, accustomed as I am from getting my news
from NPR and Lou Dobbs, was that the hosts (I can't bring myself to use
the word "reporters") like to say things without offering any evidence to
back their statements up.
For example, I was surprised to learn that "The United States is not
stingy when it comes to Foreign Aid." Wow, that is news. Up until I was
informed to the contrary by my new friends at Fox, I had been lead to
believe (by the voices on NPR who cited a bunch of government reports and
stuff) that, as a percentage of GDP, the US could be firmly placed in the
stingy column.
This became even more confusing when I turned on NPR and was informed (once
again, this "information" was "backed up" by a bunch of "facts" and
"figures") that the money the Bush administration is spending to help the
Tsunami victims had already been budgeted for foreign aid. In other
words, had the US not designated the money to the "Kowabunga! Look at the
size of that wave" victims, it would've been spent somewhere else. So if
you're sitting in the middle of the Sudanese desert waiting for a relief
package from Uncle Sam, don't hold your breath.
But…wait…that can't be correct. Sure the voices on NPR cited a bunch of
studies, but the smiling faces on FOX and Friends seemed so sincere.
Almost as if they believed what they were saying.
My confusion only grew when one of the Friends of FOX and Friends
(A Republican Senator from South Carolina) dropped by to explain the
pressing need for Tort Reform.
According to Senator No-Negroes-at-the-Lunch-Counter, lawsuits have driven
the cost of malpractice insurance so high that no one (not even people
presently applying to Medical School) wants to be a Doctor. In fact, no
one even wants to play Doctor anymore.
This was all confirmed, very scientifically, by the friendly FOX woman who
said that she couldn't find anyone willing to deliver her baby.
But…but…but NPR told me that the rise in the cost of malpractice insurance
was not the result of lawsuits, but greedy insurance companies. And Lou
Dobbs said that number of civil trials dropped 47 percent between 1992 and
2001, and that the median payout for tort cases dropped 56 percent during
that same time.
WTPFMYV? If that's true, then why won't anybody deliver that FOX lady's baby?
Speaking of two conflicting ideals that can't seem to coexist, Rev. Tim
LaHaye (rhymes with "LeVay"), the Author/Marketing Genius behind the
Left Behind series of books, is pissed off on a Biblical scale at
his publisher: Tyndale House.
It seems that the good Reverend is not happy about another series of
Revelations/Apocalypse books (Starting with a book called The Last
Disciple which was written by a guy who hosts the radio call-in show,
The Bible Answer Man ) that claim the events in Revelation have
already taken place and that the number of the Beast was actually a code
for Nero. Leading to LeHaye making the following statement:
"They are going to take the money we made for them and promote this
nonsense."
Damn, straight! If any nonsense is to be promoted, it should be Rev.
LeHaye's brand of nonsense.
ptuw - to spit
If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.
narrat - s/he tells, relates
