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12/14/2004: "T'is the Season...for debunking"

yanukovy (17k image)Facing the combo of interviewing Paul Krugman on Paul's show tomorrow and
my many holiday tasks, I have found myself with very little time for
writing. Subsequently, today's Thoughtless will it a tad short (and
somewhat poorly written). On the bright side, it'll have a holiday theme.
Let's debunk angels.

According to a reliable source (OK, it was a copy of People that I
found in my doctor's office) 75% of Americans believe in angels. Oprah has
an Angel's Network, angels even had their own crappy TV show, and then
there are the countless really, really bad books that sport titles like
Embraced By The Light .

I really hate to argue with ¾ of the American public, Oprah, television
executives, and people who have written more books than they've read, but
something just isn't right here…

I've always said "Give me a fire-and-brimstone back-woods Baptist preacher
over some touchy-feely New Age Guru any day." Now, you would think that
angels would be "Old Testament" beings - unforgiving, show-no-mercy
messengers of a jealous and vengeful God. If that were the case, I could
get behind the angelic movement. Sadly, today's angels talk like creepy,
pony-tailed, crystal wearing, New Agers

The quote below is from the Ann Alber's Visions of Heaven website.
Diabetics are warned to avert their eyes in order to avoid the high sugar
content of the following message:

"You HAVE A RIGHT TO BE! And perhaps dear ones someday you will see
that your BEing here on earth is enough. You are God's expression of Love
in human form. When you are true to yourselves, IN EACH MOMENT, whatever
that might be -- shedding a tear, baking a beautiful cake, loving a child,
reproaching someone who has crossed the line with kindness -- whatever is
an authentic and true expression for YOU in the moment, is an authentic
expression of God."

Hey, isn't this the same kinda dopey rap that the Aliens (the space kind.
Not our Border-buddies) lay on aging Hippies in the Redwoods?

And then there's that whole "wings" thing…

Everybody's who's ever seen an angel knew that it was and angel, and not
an alien, because it had wings (You know, because God, like, lives in the
sky and the angels need, like, wings - so that they don't plummet to the
ground when they come to, like, visit us). But, if angels did exist, would
they have wings?

The only winged angels mentioned in the Bible are the Cherubim and Seraphim
(Oh, and there is one mention of a winged, female angel in the Old
Testament, but - for the most part - angels are described as spiritual
beings, devoid of a physical nature) whom are supposed never to stray far
from the throne of God (OK, maybe they made a wrong turn somewhere, I'm
no Biblical scholar…)

The word "angel" is, of course, derived from the Greek word "aggelos"
meaning "messenger". Hermes, the messenger of the Greek Gods wore a winged
cap. Hey, Christians, you might wanna drop the winged beings before the
Pagans sue you over Intellectual Property rights.

_ . _

The ancient Greek word of the day is:
aggelos - angel

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.

The Latin word of the day is:
maledicis - you slander

Replies: 9 Comments

on Wednesday, December 15th, Rory said

Yeah, angels suck.

on Wednesday, December 15th, Nigel Tailwind said

Yeah ghosts too. How come ghosts and angels are always clothed? They got a Gap in the afterworld?

on Wednesday, December 15th, pistaugh said

They wear the clothes they forged in life... uh, thread by thread.

on Wednesday, December 15th, razlerja said

"baking a beautiful cake"!? WTPFMYV!!! I get the wings thing; but how could angels give a crap about blob of dough with goo on it?

on Wednesday, December 15th, Ginger Baker (since he's alive) said

Any of you who do not believe in the existance of angels have obviously never been to Anaheim!
Book an airline ticket, take some steroids (for resale purposes only!) and count that Christmas cash!

on Wednesday, December 15th, Brandy said

yeah not so sure about the wings thing, but if we are supposed to be created in gods image then they probably look like us. Ever see Dogma?maybe they hate us because of the whole free will thing, if so then I can't picture them as a cozy lot.

on Wednesday, December 15th, SirAtededge said

Speaking of "Wings", I saw a show on the "Discovery Wings Channel" (teh best civilian benefit of military spending ever) in which they found a repeatable way of initiating that "move to the bright light" phenomenon many cite as proof of life after death.

It is apparently common among pilots who go through g-force testing in centrifuges. It seems linked to the brain shutting down due to lack of oxygen, kind of like a stroke without the vascular damage.

Fill in your own "voting Republican" joke here.

on Wednesday, December 15th, Rodney said

WTPFMYV? "Did you have a nice near-death experience in the centrifugal force do-hicky? Good, here's a $50 million jet to fly."

on Wednesday, December 15th, the drunk mailman said

for further study on this topic...check out the movie 'northfork'

divide2 (4k image)

Ronald Reagan in Hell
The Paul Kircher Show
The Dead Milkmen

December 2004

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