12/08/2004: "Judy in Disguise"
Alrighty…Judging by the megs of email that came flooding into my inbox
over the last 24 hours, it seems that many of you would like me to
elaborate on my statement yesterday that no, I certainly do not hate
Let me make this perfectly clear, I love practically everybody. I
love Muslims, Jews (Sorry to hear about Chanukah getting chopped down to
just seven days, my Kosher Crew), Taoists, Buddhists,
Scientologists (Go, L. Ron!), Pagans, Hindus, and up to 64% of all
But, most of all and despite their propensity for burning things down
(like the Globe Theater and the Library of Alexandria) and blowing things
up (like the Oklahoma City Federal Building) , I especially love
The American Abolitionist movement was spearheaded by Christians. As were
the Anti-Nuclear and Civil Rights movements. William Penn, who founded the
greatest city on Earth, was a devout Christian - as was Martin Luther
King. C.S Lewis? Christian. J.R.R. Tolkien? Christian. Catherine of Aragon,
Stephen Hawking, and Little Richard? Christian, Christian, and flamboyant
Sadly, it only takes a few bad apples to fuck up an entire barrel. 19
cowardly - and no doubt mildly retarded - hijackers fucked up the Islamic
barrel for the next couple of centuries. The Jewish barrel (which I
could've gotten for you wholesale) was fucked up a combination of
walling off the Palestinians and failing to wall off Marvin Hamlisch.
There are so many individuals and groups we could point the
middle-finger-of-blame at for transforming the message of Jesus Christ
from "Love thy neighbor" to "Git offa my lawn, Faggot!" that singling one
or two of them out would be pointless. Then again, so is a 41-year-old man
spending hours, every day, blogging. OK, here are some major assholes:
The Parents Television Council
Who are the Parents Television Council (and why do they fear apostrophes)?
Well, just in case you didn't know - and FFC Chairman Michael Powell
apparently didn't - this group of concerned parents and bad grammarians
are responsible for 99.8 percent of all indecency complaints sent in to
the Federal Communications Commission.
Shit, Luther, are you trying to tell me that an entire organization had to
be formed and then engaged in petitioning the Federal Government just
because a bunch of morons couldn't find the off button on their
As much as I consider the loathesome cretins at the Parents' Television
Council to be detestable idiots who have nothing better to do than pester
the FCC with ridicules complaints, I will be forever in their debt for this
broadside against Sex in the City that manages to do what I had
previously believed to be impossible - make the show sound interesting.
Rock on, PTC.
Concerned Women For America
Yeah, yeah, you knew I was gonna rip into this twisted collection of
post-menopausal Fundamentalist storm troopers, but what you may not have
known is that I'm merely using them as a steppingstone to get to my actual
target - Dr. Judith Reisman.
Gentle reader, I know that you and I have spoken before about how the
Harpies at CWFA have their pantaloons in a bunch over the new film
Kinsey, but we really need to have a chat about the woman who has
served as the source for all of the misinformation that CWFA is spreading
like so much pig shit in a pasture.
Dr Judy, who heads an organization called RSVPAmerica (Restoring
Social Virtue & Purity to America…Beee-ach!) and used to pen songs for
Captain Kangaroo (No, I didn't make that up), is the recent recipient of an
"Abstie" award for lifetime achievement in the field of abstinence-only
education (No, I didn't make that up, either). She is also given to gross
exaggerations and, on occasion, flat-out lies.
Unencumbered by lack of evidence, Reisman has claimed that Kinsey
sought out pedophiles and encouraged them to molest children, then
report back to him. She has even gone so far as to say "there is absolutely
no reason to believe that Kinsey himself was not involved in the sexual
abuse of these children."
Wow. Of course, this would all be easier to believe had not Dr. Reisman
also clamed that Kinsey's death was due to (brace yourselves) "brutal,
repetitive self-abuse" , likened the "recruitment techniques" of
homosexuals those used by the United States Marine Corps (Semper Fi, my,
my) and insisted that Homosexuals were not victims of the Holocaust.
Statements that couldn't have been crazier had she delivered them while
wearing a pinwheel hat atop her gorilla suit.
Well, now you know a little more about Dr. Judy, which means that you have
a little more information than a lot of other folks out there. Remember,
the Christian thing to do when you have more than others is to share.
_ . _
Here's a link that should cheer you all up.
_ . _
klephj - thief.
If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.
vinolentus - fond of wine