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12/07/2004: "The Wild Bunch"

punch (45k image)As promised yesterday, we'll be getting to the matter of rather or not I
hate Christians. But there are a couple of things I wanna get outta the
way before I open up that Diet of Worms.

First, RATYHTL Now features Rick Santorum Ecards (Ribbed, for her
pleasure). If you like your Ecards on a more "in-joke" level, however, may
I suggest this Ecard which features RATYHTL's own "Doc". Milkmen fans take
note: The "Doc" Christmas card is a collaborative effort between Dean and
me (Although I never bothered to tell Dean).

Second, all this week on his minutely popular CNN show,Lou Dobbs -
After Dark
, Lou Dobbs (no relation to JR "Bob" Dobbs) will be
contributing to the steady decline of culture in America by studying the
steady decline of culture in America.

My problem with this is that in order for American culture to have
declined, it must have peaked at one point - can I get a witness? Well,
when exactly was that? The way it see it, America is a success because we
lost some things of moderate cultural importance, while gaining things of
great cultural importance. For example, while most young people cannot
recite the Porter's speech from McBeth (assuming that there actual was a
time in American history - and Nathan assures me that there was - when
most young people could), women have the right to vote (Unlike in, oh
let's say, Kuwait).

See, it's a trade-off…maybe even a trade-up. Using our past to
track the fall of the culture of a society as dynamic as our own would be
like saying "Teens have been completely unfamiliar with the works of
Milton since we stopped lynching those uppity Negroes!"

Inevitably, these "Culture in Decline" pieces feature someone bitching and
moaning about how "young people no longer respect their elders." Let's get
something straight - young people never respected their elders.
What has lately been misconstrued as respect was, in fact, fear. Young
people used to "respect' their elders in the same manner as which
Russians used to "respect" Stalin.

Even if we, as Americans, are experiencing a steady decline in Culture
(which neither Lou Dobbs nor anyone else, for that matter, has managed to
define to my satisfaction), does that mean that today's young people are
necessarily dumber than their ancestors?

Sure, our ancestors may've have know a little more about opera and
literature than today's youngsters, but could they operate a Game Boy or
an Xbox? Noam Chomsky may be a pretty bright guy, but I'll bet you
dollars-to-doughnuts that my nineteen-year-old nephew could kick his ass
at Grand Theft Auto

Speaking of Noam Chomsky, last night I witnessed an incredible piece of
Postmodern Deconstruction that would've made Noam proud - well, maybe if
it didn't take place during TV Land's 100 Most Memorial Television Moments.

Number 96 in the parade of memorial TV moments (beating out Lee Harvey
Oswald's murder and the first moon landing) was the episode of the Brady
during which Marsha gets hit in the nose with a football ("Ouch, my

While I admit that I've always greatly enjoyed that episode, I never
understood exactly why until Christopher Knight (the actor who played
Peter) explained that Marsha had become a National Icon of Beauty and
Perfection and that he was merely acting as an instrument of the
subconscious will of the American people when he smashed her nose with
that football. In other words, deep-down-inside (or on the surface, in
the case of my family), we all wanted to see Marsha's pretty face get
disfigured, and Peter gladly obliged.

Now, as for the question of rather or not I hate Christians, the answer
is, of course, "No, I certainly do not!" Well, I hope that that settles
the matter for once and all.

_ . _

In order to help you, the gentle readers of RATYHTL, keep track of my
numerous television appearances I will be posting a list of programs on
which I will not be appearing either in the near or distant future:

Tonight, December 7, 2004, I will not be appearing on:

ABC's Nightline

Scarborough Country

Animal Cops: Detroit

_ . _

The ancient Greek word of the day is:
klephj - thief.

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.

The Latin word of the day is:
bibere - to drink

Replies: 18 Comments

on Tuesday, December 7th, razlerja said

Neither do I hate Christians. Though, I often hate some of the things that they do and say, supposedly, in the name of their The Christ (teh bestest The Christ evar!).

on Tuesday, December 7th, razlerja said

PS - Rodney, Love the Santorum e-cards. Might I suggest a 'No need to worry your pretty li'l heads, Ladies, He'll chose FOR you.' one?

on Tuesday, December 7th, crapmonkey said

marsha, marsha, marsha!

on Tuesday, December 7th, Doc said

...and a little child shall bleed them. Wow!!! It is sooo great to see a pic of me without the words WANTED or REWARD used!

on Tuesday, December 7th, Jackalope said

I have a simple contention about when American culture peaked. Look at the graveyards. If you can find a cemetary where the best of American intellect chose their immortal resting place, then the early to mid-1800's is the peak of American culture. That is when Sleepy Hollow Cemetary in Concord, MA did a booming business in American philosophy and intellect. The remains of Louisa May Alcott, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry David Thoreau and Anne Rainsford Bush (the first woman licensed to drive a car in America) all reside in this cemetary and they all died within 100 years of each other. That is a blinking indication to me of our peak as a culture. Needless to say that all happened over 100 years ago and we are now in a steep, steep decline. I just hope the next superpower, Canada, learns from our mistakes.

on Tuesday, December 7th, razlerja said

But, as I think this article attempts to point out, you can't judge something like 'culture' from a narrow perspective. There is more universal literacy now than there was 100 years ago. Women, children, minorities, the mentally and physically ill, elderly and the poor generally have a better life and more rights and recourse. Child abuse and rape are not only actually reported, but often something is done about it. Even killing a prostitute is a crime now 'a days!

I don't think it is about 'rise' or 'decline'. It is just progress and the prices you are willing to pay.

on Tuesday, December 7th, "Lonesome" Dave of Foghat fame said

Don't recall Porter's speech -But- I can't begin to tell you how many times I have relied on the following lines to keep my sanity:
1. Let's play big black at 3am and tell the neighbors they can all get fucked...
2. I'm getting on a plane early in the morning
3. Both cars numbered 10 and 11 carry tainted juice
4. Paul was dubbing Ringo's drumming, John was dubbing Ringo's humming
5. I traded my Olds(mobile) in for a couple of lids, it's none of your business how I raise my kids
6. There are people who wanna kill me all around the world
And that's what they're (or at least I am) calling the modern day equivilant of McBeth.
While my dad could probably cough up old Porter's speech, I don't know that he ever had enough connection to embrace it.
Problem today with society is that the majority of people no longer make any type of connection with ideas. Passion can now be found in the 2005 Hummer (tax, title and destination charges are additional) models or some other (insert Starter jacket, Nike shoes, your favorite material possesion here) object.
Brady Bunch? Greg got Marsha, Peter got Jan, Bobby got Cindy. Bring in Oliver...Mr.Brady???

on Tuesday, December 7th, billzebub said

I dunno if I mentioned it before but the AM talk station here has these morning drive clowns who like to wax nostalgiac every once in a while. They'll get a wild hair up their ass to go on for 20 mintes with, "Remember 5 cent Coca Colas?," and "Hey, remember when nobody locked their doors?"

They usually start taking calls from 50 somethings who wanna share in the pity party for the modern age. I always wanna call up and say "Remember when we used to get a negro out of a tree by cutting the rope? Good times."

on Tuesday, December 7th, Jackalope said

"Lonesome" Dave Peverett died four years ago, dick nozzle!

on Wednesday, December 8th, Nigel Tailwind said

I never wished to live in another age. We are probably the first group of people who had the luxury of "leisure" time. Shit Luthers I've seen small pox, polio, and for the most part a lot of cancers either eliminated or being reduced to treatable deseases in my lifetime.
And while I can't pine poeticly for Emerson, I can say I read Bukowski and that was good enough for me. Fuck the rest of it. Cheer up and raise a glass to Buke then throw it though the window and fuck yourself crazy!

on Wednesday, December 8th, WallyJolly said

Praise Fucking Bob! I was wondering if you knew about the Subs!

on Wednesday, December 8th, razlerja said

Give us some slack...and credit, man.

on Wednesday, December 8th, The Faithfully Departed "Lonesome" Dave said

Yes, sad but true as a great (perhaps not) band once sang, "Lonesome" Dave Peverett has taken the "Slow Ride" to his great reward. It seems like only yesterday (1982 actually) that I saw them in concert with Blue Oyster Cult and the Whitford St. Holmes Band! Seems even more recent (SHIT, IT WAS!) that we were the opening act (google "Brookfest" or see for the first performance ever of "Lonesome" Daveless Foghat.
While I am all about corrections in posts when/where fitting, it's occasionally the manner in which an individual approaches it that can really be depressing!
Just out of the blue, let's take "Jackalope"...
After "penning" a thought provoking piece about his "simple contentions" (ALL, I'm assuming) above, he has taken the time to make a correction to another above listed piece. THAT'S GREAT!
"Lonesome" Dave (while he was not quite Muddy Waters but now very much like Muddy) is dead.
This is then followed by "dick nozzle"... seems fitting. Those of us who believe in life beyond the old planet earth will have no doubt whatsoever that you have been subjected to multiple alien urine enimas and/or douchings along with repeated fisting episodes. And heck, even if they weren't ACTUALLY aliens, your secret is safe is this community!
Anxiously awaiting what I'm sure will be something like the following:
1. Fuck-you asshole
2. Fuck-you moron
3. Fuck-you dickhead
or even the VERY witty,
4. Fuck-you "dick nozzle"
Remember, even if NOT contracted by "alien" sources, you should get those rectal sores checked!

on Wednesday, December 8th, Peter Christopherson(aka Irrelevant) said

Actually, (shut up, i'm from the nj, philly area, we say 'actually' before stating a point.. so what, you fucking new yorkers!!!!!)

I think many people my age respect our elders, very much so. Certain elders, albeit, but elders nonetheless.

People have been saying that Western Civilization has been in decline since, well... every Generation after the U.S. has been considered an official and respected country (after how many wars we entered to try to save the world (in our and other countries (based on history books and genral consensus) opinions).

From an United Statesian's (to say we're American would include Canada and South America) point of view, I think we declined as an important political power, in relation to other countries in the world (or the globe, as people who say 'we're in a global economy' would put it, (in an attempt of not trying to sound political (imo)) so if you value culture on that basis, it's been in decline.

If you value culture on other things, I personally think we've been on an upswing ever since people started thinking for themselves, even down to the lowest, poorest, worthless (as considered by those who value money and believe in the lower/middle/high Caste system (wasn't that an Indian thing?))

So, I've noticed our spiritual culture growing, our intellectual culture growing, yet our economy decreasing.

Yeah, not many of us really admire Hoover, Eisenhower, Reagan, McCarthey (sp), but it doesn't mean some of us don't admire Burroughs, Franklin, Reed.. etc.

Living in the here and now is NOT a decline of culture. It's a culture living in the decline of civilization, trying it's best to be civil.

I thought even the Germans learned that war isn't civil and not an appropriate means to an end.

The french figured that out Long ago. The English know it, but having their 'bastard son' beat the shit out of them, they're willing to do whatever we say.

Japan is (i'm being totally biased here, but bear with me) probably one of the more cultured countries I can think of.

As far as I know, they don't even have an army.

Neither does Canada (which i may be mistaken.) (I'm going off of a Conan O'Brien joke on that one)

To sum up...

Lou Dobbs can go fuck himself with a 1984 High School History book for all I care.

on Wednesday, December 8th, Jackalope said

I just hate losers who pretend to be someone pseudo-famous because their real lives are too boring. I'm good in my own skin. I don't need to make myself out to be someone that I'm not. And Lonesome Dave existed in the niche of being famous, but obscure. So when someone comes out and lists themselves as being such a person, I usually like to call them on it before one of our more gullible and less-informed members buys into it and looks the fool. I got my email address from a website called They also have some domains that may be appropo for you, "Lonesome Dave." You could be or


on Wednesday, December 8th, razlerja said

You know, the countries listed who 'don't care about war' got their asses beat pretty bad (most by US). Maybe that explains our attitude. The only war we kinda lost (Vietnam) didn't affect us so catastrophically (like having our cities bombed or millions of dead). We just sort of backed out.

on Wednesday, December 8th, briannirvana said

[quote="Rodney"]My problem with this is that in order for American culture to have
declined, it must have peaked at one point - can I get a witness? Well,
when exactly was that? [/quote]

I have guess that the peak of American civilization was in 1811, for in 1812 we had to fight those English again, but from 1783 until 1811, we had it nice in the newly declared United States of America, but once those English finished with Napoleon in early 1812, the Americas felt the wrath of the British Navy; indeed, it ended the innocence of America and began a three year war with England more than thirty years after the Revolution.

on Thursday, December 9th, Loser Dave said

Dear Jackalope:
Thanks for the kind words. Please take my posting name as a joke. Additionally, please spend $25.00 and get a handjob somewhere. I think this will help you emotionally.
Best of luck in your pursuit of this handjob,
"Lonesome Loser" Dave

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Ronald Reagan in Hell
The Paul Kircher Show
The Dead Milkmen

December 2004

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