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12/03/2004: "Big-Assed Weekend Edition (Just Piss on My Grandfather's Grave, Why Don't Ya'?)"
[Setup]
Homoredneckus is a fascinating species. No
matter what you may think about these minor primates' troubled home
(trailer) lives and questionable educational backgrounds ("I done got me
a degree in Creation Science from Bob Jones Uneeversity!*") you have to
admire their ability to hold two contrasting ideas at once within their
"studio apartment" craniums.
For example, Homoredneckus often claim to love the symbols of our
country (i.e. the flag and…um…the flag), but can't be bothered to read up
on our Great Experiment's history - or much else, for that matter.
Homoredneckus is positive that Jesus is coming back "any day now" (Just
like he was in 333 CE, 666 CE, 999 CE, 1000 CE, 1666 CE, 1843 CE, and
2000 CE), yet they feel the need to press for legislation that will affect
their fellow countrymen for years to come. Shit, Luther, Homoredneckus
loves Jesus. Just don't ask 'em any questions about the history of
Christianity.
Personally, I could never understand why Homoredneckus and Homocowardus
(Common name: Al Qaeda) don't get along. Sure, they used to be best
buddies, back when the Soviets occupied Afghanistan, but they seem to have
a falling out sometime around mid September of 2001. That's a shame,
because the two groups have so much in common. Both hate Gays, feel that
the teaching of Evolution should be banned, and want a Government based
on religion, for example. Both groups also pride themselves on achieving
a high level of ignorance.
Homoloserus (Common name: The Taliban), a closely related group to
Homocowardus, considered anyone with more than an 8th Grade education to
be an Enemy of the State. Homoredneckus enjoy nothing more than gathering
around the outhouse and complaining about "Them thar Eastern Liberals
what is always tryin' to educate us.I don't know nothin' an' I'm proud
of my lack of book learnin'."
Now, I was born a Homoredneckus, and still show many of the traits (bad
teeth, an uncontrollable love of macaroni and cheese, and a desire to
collect firearms [I make do with crossbows]) of that group. Everyday of
my life, I strive to make the evolutionary jump to Homoelitus (Common
names: Eastern Liberal, Egghead, Jew Boy, and Race-Mixer). Don't get me
wrong, I'm not ashamed of my working class origins, I'm just ashamed of
how the term "working class" has been co-opted by Homoignoramus (Common
name: Fucktards). The best analogy I can give is how the Klan has ruined
the term "White Pride". If it weren't for those goose-stepping,
cross-burning assholes, we'd be able to have "White Pride Month."
Did you know that Linus Pauling was a white man?
[So, where am I going with this?]
Yesterday's Thoughtless was, of course, about Michelle Malkin's Christmas
Crusade. For some unknown reason, Michelle neglected to include my blog in
her Trackback section. She (or her software) did, however, include many
other blogs that referenced her piece (PFMYV). I've spent the last day
looking over these blogs…and, as a result, weeping openly.
This one, for example, proudly displays the inscription on the mass grave
of the Spartans who died at Thermopylae. Yes, the same Spartans shunned
class distinctions and practiced institutionalized Homosexuality. It's
tantamount to having a Right Wing blog that features a picture of Karl
Marx on its masthead.
I'm not sure what to say about this, other than "All saving throws against
petrifaction will be made at -3" This beast actually thinks that Victor
Davis Hanson is deep - probably for the same reasons that 13-year-old Goth
kids think that Anne Rice is a great writer.
The saddest of the bunch has to be, by far, this one. Not that it's poorly
written (or more poorly written than its siblings) or that full of
vitriol. No, what makes me sad about this blog is that it seems to come
from the keyboard of a Military man. This guy should know better.
While my paternal grandfather mysteriously lost his trigger finger on
December 8th 1941 (thus rendering him unsuitable for military service), my
maternal grandfather served in the Navy in the Pacific Theater. The jury
is still out on rather WWII turned my grandfather into an Atheist, or just
confirmed his previous Atheistic leanings. The point is that my Atheist
grandfather fought for this country.
That's why I get so pissed off when I see somebody in uniform pen a "We
need Jesus in the White House" piece. If these people want to fight for a
Theocracy, then they're fighting on the wrong side. My grandfather didn't
serve in WWII so that America could be transformed into Iran with Jesus
swapped for Allah. If you're serving in the Armed Forces with the hope of
someday placing a copy of the 10 Commandments in every public classroom,
then you might as well be wiping your ass with the flag.
_ . _ 
This Just In - Denver's Mayor Wimps Out!
Apparently all of the controversy stirred up by the Parade of Lights has
turned Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper into a 9-year-old-girl. Earlier
today, the Mayor pussed out and stated that the "Merry Christmas" signs
that adorn the cities buildings will stay (see yesterday's Thoughtless)
. Just a few minutes ago, the Mayor donned his asshat and announced that
religiously themed floats and groups will be allowed to participate in the
total Gay Parade of Lights.
Fundies will be dancing (Or, at least, those Fundies that belong to
churches which allow dancing) in the streets of Denver tonight.
It's time to send the obsequious Mr. Hickenlooper some new cards. How does
"Shame on you for caving in to reactionary zealots" sound?
Gawddamnitt! Now I've got to send off another letter to Malkin.
To: malkin@comcast.net
From: rodney@rodneyanonymous.com
Re: X-mas Crusade
Dear Ms. Malkin,
Due to a recent wimp-out by Denver's Mayor, John Hickenlooper (That name
still cracks me up), I have been forced to send him a new card. Please
link to this photo at http://www.rodneyanonymous.com/archives/shame.jpg.
Once again, I hand-lettered the front of the card because still think that
it's a nice touch.
PS. What are your thoughts about Bush arranging for his girlfriend,
Raylene, to have an abortion back in '71 (two years before Roe vs. Wade)?
Personally, I think that NeoCons should play up the story. You know, to
prove to Lefties that Bush is smart enough to organize something.
Thanks to Michael M. for the update and TV's Seven for the link.
_ . _
Hey now! Dean sent me some pics from Monday night's Dave Blood
memorial/benefit show. A.D. Amorosi, the lead singer from Trashlight
Vision, Paul Kircher and me. Dean and I laugh while Joe broods. Joe and
the Mighty Dan Mapp laugh while Seven and Mrs. Seven brood. Portrait of
the author as a middle-aged man. Doc buys his way into Bob Jones
University. Dandrew contemplates the difference between beer and
"not beer." Joe (dressed as Carl form Sling Blade) performs.
_ . _
Teh Funny
The Ten Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time
_ . _
Teh Funny and Teh Scary (Thanks for the link, Dean)
One gulp, and Bush was gone.
_ . _
* "BJU", huh-huh
pantaxws - in all ways.
If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.
igitur - and so
