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12/02/2004: "Cranky Christian Conducts Contemporary Crusade"

hohoho (18k image)Hide you shiny objects, kids, 'cuz Michelle Malkin's back in town. As if
to add insult to stupidity, Michelle is on a crusade - A Christmas
. OK, I can see that some sort of explanation is called for…

It seems that the feisty Filipino is angry at Denver Mayor John
Hickenlooper (Hickenlooper? That's a name that only the villain in a
children's book should have) because he had the phrase "Merry Christmas"
removed from the city building and replaced with "Happy Holidays", and
because he has refused a carol-singing church group permission to march
in the city's "Parade of Lights"

In other words, the Mayor is guilty of the realization that not
everyone is a Christian
. A fact that is not only lost on Black Hole of
Logic, Malkin, but also on Pastor Gary Beasley, of the Faith Bible Chapel,
who said "We can't pretend that Christ didn't exist and Christmas wasn't
about his birthday…"

Oh, can't we? If there's any historic proof of Jesus Christ, I have yet to
see it. Even if he did exist (which I doubt he did) and was the son of God
(which I'm certain he was not), December 25th was almost definitely not
his birthday.

The Western church chose December 25 as God Jr.'s birthday as an attempt t
o ease the transition from paganism to Christianity. As Christianity
helpfully poits out December 25th "already hosted two other
related festivals: natalis solis invicti (the Roman "birth of the
unconquered sun"), and the birthday of Mithras, the Iranian "Sun of
Righteousness" whose worship was popular with Roman soldiers. The winter
solstice, another celebration of the sun, fell just a few days earlier.
Seeing that pagans were already exalting deities with some parallels to
the true deity, church leaders decided to commandeer the date and
introduce a new festival."

Shit, Luther, toss in a few more pre-Christian symbols like the evergreen
and mistletoe, and you've got a Pagan Holiday on your hands. Damn, I can't
believe Christians aren't boycotting Christmas.

Anyhoo, Michelle is urging he mouth-breathing readership to send lumps of
coal to the Mayor. She also encourages her knuckle dragging fan base to
take a photo of their "creatively designed" packages, and she promises to
link/post to the photos.

Here's what I'd like you to do. First, make a Thank You card for
the Mayor. Next, before you mail that card, e-mail me a photo of you and
your card (Just like the one below). I'll make sure that Michelle gets to
see the photos.

Here's Mayor Hickenlooper's (Mayor of the Enchanted Isle of Lost Toys)

Mayor John W. Hickenlooper
Denver City and County Building
1437 Bannock Street, Suite 350
Denver, CO 80202

Michelle can be reached at

Re: Christmas Crusade

Dear Ms. Malkin,

Attached please find a picture of myself along with the card which I sent
to Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper (Gotta love that last name. Straight
outta Dr. Suess, eh?). I hand-lettered the front of the card because I've
always thought that was a nice touch, don't you agree? It may not be the
sort of thing that you had in mind, but you can rest assured that your
Christmas Crusade was the inspiration behind it. You can link to the photo
from here:

Thanks and keep on rockin' in the Free World!

Rodney Anonymous

thanks (32k image)

The ancient Greek word of the day is:
protrepw - urge on, impel.

If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.

The Latin word of the day is:
cucullus - hood

Replies: 12 Comments

on Thursday, December 2nd, Nigel Tailwind said

Rod I get easily confused by things and mailed a lump of poo to the broad in the former posting for use in her Christmas cookies. Hope forgiveness can be found in your heart for my feableness.

on Thursday, December 2nd, SlowMotionRiot said

Okay...I totally laughed out loud to the point of snorting like a bull moose upon reading the caption below Ms. Malkin's picture. Excellent job, Rodney...

on Thursday, December 2nd, razlerja said

Few people realize that when Christians talked about 'converting' the pagans, they meant that term literally, including their rituals, symbols and holidays. The Christians had nothing, they had to steal...uh, I mean convert...everything.

on Thursday, December 2nd, Doc said

JEEEE-ZUZ!!! It seems as if most of these patriots forget about a lil thing called seperation of church and state whenever it suits them and their view of 'our country'.God and government mix real well;just look at half the Middle-East...a courseit is the 'wrong' God.Hats off to the mayor of Denver.

on Friday, December 3rd, nathong said

I live in Denver and love Mayor Hickenlooper. He serves as a great counter–balance to our right wing, scary ass governor Bill Owens and congressional rep Marilyn (bangaymarriagewhiledressinglikejackieo) Musgrave. Thanks Rodney!

on Friday, December 3rd, Rodney said

Thanks for the comments, folks. But what I need is for you to get off your butts, make some cards, and send be those pics!

on Friday, December 3rd, nathong said

looks like he caved in! But I'll send him a card anyway for standing up to fundamentalists.

Praise Mithras!

on Friday, December 3rd, Noblet said

Rodney - most christian churches did boycott Christmas up until the 19th century - most reactionary, knee jerk protestant churches in Britain, at least. Check out Ronald Sutton's "Stations of the Sun" for a full scuppering of christian's claim on Christmas.

on Friday, December 3rd, Rodney said

Oh, I was aware of that. I was just having a little word/history fun. The Puritans actually made it illegal to celebrate Christmas. Funny, isn't it, how reactionaries are always going on about "Our Christian heritage", but have no idea what that heritage entails. I wonder how many of these "Put Gawd back in the Government" folks would feel about a law banning football on Sunday?

...and where are those pics?

on Friday, December 3rd, razlerja said

O sure the know EXACTLY what it entails: whatever they have convienently made it up to be at the moment, just like every organized religion (and most Governments) do.

on Friday, December 3rd, dannielle said
Come on Denver!
email the mayor! tell him he's a let down. no wonder we're such a red state! Plus, he STILL hasn't done anything about parking...whatever.
I just geve him the idea that maybe the x-tians could be swayed if they were faced with funding the appropriate and necessary "chanukah" and "kwanzaa" and whatever else it would take to be "fair" with ....Tax Dollars??!! They loves their money more than they loves jesus, don't they?

on Friday, December 3rd, damnielle said

I meant funding the "appropriate and neccessary holiday signs" if that was unclear. With tax dollars i mean. Yeah, that's gotta at least be the price of another piece of moronic public "art" that keeps popping up all over this god forsaken town!

divide2 (4k image)

Ronald Reagan in Hell
The Paul Kircher Show
The Dead Milkmen

December 2004

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