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12/02/2004: "Cranky Christian Conducts Contemporary Crusade"
Hide you shiny objects, kids, 'cuz Michelle Malkin's back in town. As if
to add insult to stupidity, Michelle is on a crusade - A Christmas
crusade. OK, I can see that some sort of explanation is called for…
It seems that the feisty Filipino is angry at Denver Mayor John
Hickenlooper (Hickenlooper? That's a name that only the villain in a
children's book should have) because he had the phrase "Merry Christmas"
removed from the city building and replaced with "Happy Holidays", and
because he has refused a carol-singing church group permission to march
in the city's "Parade of Lights"
In other words, the Mayor is guilty of the realization that not
everyone is a Christian. A fact that is not only lost on Black Hole of
Logic, Malkin, but also on Pastor Gary Beasley, of the Faith Bible Chapel,
who said "We can't pretend that Christ didn't exist and Christmas wasn't
about his birthday…"
Oh, can't we? If there's any historic proof of Jesus Christ, I have yet to
see it. Even if he did exist (which I doubt he did) and was the son of God
(which I'm certain he was not), December 25th was almost definitely not
his birthday.
The Western church chose December 25 as God Jr.'s birthday as an attempt t
o ease the transition from paganism to Christianity. As Christianity
Today helpfully poits out December 25th "already hosted two other
related festivals: natalis solis invicti (the Roman "birth of the
unconquered sun"), and the birthday of Mithras, the Iranian "Sun of
Righteousness" whose worship was popular with Roman soldiers. The winter
solstice, another celebration of the sun, fell just a few days earlier.
Seeing that pagans were already exalting deities with some parallels to
the true deity, church leaders decided to commandeer the date and
introduce a new festival."
Shit, Luther, toss in a few more pre-Christian symbols like the evergreen
and mistletoe, and you've got a Pagan Holiday on your hands. Damn, I can't
believe Christians aren't boycotting Christmas.
Anyhoo, Michelle is urging he mouth-breathing readership to send lumps of
coal to the Mayor. She also encourages her knuckle dragging fan base to
take a photo of their "creatively designed" packages, and she promises to
link/post to the photos.
Here's what I'd like you to do. First, make a Thank You card for
the Mayor. Next, before you mail that card, e-mail me a photo of you and
your card (Just like the one below). I'll make sure that Michelle gets to
see the photos.
Here's Mayor Hickenlooper's (Mayor of the Enchanted Isle of Lost Toys)
address.
Mayor John W. Hickenlooper
Denver City and County Building
1437 Bannock Street, Suite 350
Denver, CO 80202
Michelle can be reached at malkin@comcast.net
To: malkin@comcast.net
From: rodney@rodneyanonymous.com
Re: Christmas Crusade
Dear Ms. Malkin,
Attached please find a picture of myself along with the card which I sent
to Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper (Gotta love that last name. Straight
outta Dr. Suess, eh?). I hand-lettered the front of the card because I've
always thought that was a nice touch, don't you agree? It may not be the
sort of thing that you had in mind, but you can rest assured that your
Christmas Crusade was the inspiration behind it. You can link to the photo
from here: http://www.rodneyanonymous.com/archives/thanks.jpg
Thanks and keep on rockin' in the Free World!
Rodney Anonymous
protrepw - urge on, impel.
If the above word looks like ippojshit to you,
then you need to go here
and download the SPIONIC font for either MAC or PC. Dude.
cucullus - hood
