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11/18/2004: "All The New That Causes Fits."

Let's put things in perspective, shall we? The local ABC News affiliate,
here in Philly, is the most watched local news program in the
country. Of course, it wasn't always that way. For years, Channel
Six's news struggled against its two regional competitors. Then, in the
early Seventies, one of the show's producers hit upon the formula for
something he called "Action News". If there's an "Action News" in
your town, you know where its frighteningly fast-paced format was born.
(For those of you keeping score, Philly has given the world electricity,
the cheesesteak, and Action News.) Within a few months viewership went
through the roof (Hey, wasn't this the plot of last night's
South Park?) and the other two local affiliates' news programs were
left in the dust. And so it remains - yay, from this day until the ending
of the world.

OK, so each evening more people tune in to watch Channel Six's Action News
than watched the first moon landing. Good, we've established that. We can
now move on. So, what does Action News do with all this ratings power?
Well, this week they've sent a reporter to Hawaii to interview the cast of
The Lost (which, by some otherworldly coincidence airs on ABC). As
if to add insult to deep, deep brain injury, Channel Six has been airing
teasers showing the reporter (a person whom I'm going to assume has some
sort of journalism degree) asking hardball questions like "Is it tough
filming in Hawaii?"

Oh, lookee, here's a shocking expose by Action News reporter Anita
Brickman. And before anyone from Action News emails me to explain that the
lack of investigative (or for that matter, real) reporting is do to time
constraints, may I remind you that Action News devotes a full three minutes
to "Don Pollack's World", its "humorous" segment. And while I'm at,
I should also inform you that almost the entire Delaware Valley refers to
"Don Pollack's World" as "Dumb Polack's World." Even the Polacks.

Good, now we've established that everybody in Philly watches Action News
and that Action News is rapidly making us all retarded. Now here's where
all that perspective stuff I was talking about earlier comes in. I don't
have a degree in Journalism, yet (next Wednesday, the 24th) I'll be
stopping by Paul's show to chat with Economist Paul Krugman. That's right,
the state of news reporting is in America is in such bad shape that people
like me are forced to make our own.


In other me-related news: There is no treasure buried in my
basement. Look, I don't care what you've seen at the movies over the
last few days, but you have my word that, despite having once been owned
by Ben Franklin, my house does not contain a hidden room filled with
Masonic booty. Now go bother the people in charge of the UN's meditation
room where, and you didn't hear this from me, the treasure was moved to.



In case we don't get a chance to speak again until after the Dave Blood
Memorail concerts, I just wanted to remind everybody that I'll be speaking
at a PhACT (Philadelphia Association for Critical Thinking) meeting on Nov.
20th in the W2-48 room of the West Building at the Community College of
Philadelphia at 2:00 p.m.

Replies: 11 Comments

on Thursday, November 18th, Irrelevant said

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby
proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

on Thursday, November 18th, Irrelevant said

fuck...

on Thursday, November 18th, Irrelevant (Christopher Emeraldas of the Roaches, if you'd like) (but i wouldn't) said

stop doing that!!
!!

okay, i get it, tab and enter makes you submit things before you're finished typing them...christ~....

sorry... i'm having problems with my computer, and trying to do 4 things at once... i'm just sooo confused by all the different perceptions of things in the media, that i have to totally do nine things at once just to keep up with everything that everyone is trying to tell me, you know what i mean?.....

I so hope to hear you speak... and hope that it doesn't come out something like this... http://kobnet.net/~ichirou/Irrelevant-ComputerSwing.mp3

....do we have to pay to hear you tell us how to think? I'm a bit confused on that part.

on Thursday, November 18th, James said

People only watch Channel 6 Action News for the kick ass theme song. I'm surprised no local band has tried to cover that yet...

on Thursday, November 18th, RJ Hampden said

So, like, where the hell did Eyewitness News come from? I thought that was a Channel 57 thing all my life. It's a pretty bullshit name, unless the cameraman decided to go on a rampge against the city before the control room could cut the satellite feed. Hey....

on Friday, November 19th, IVOTEDFORZUES said

I never heard it called Dumb Polack's World. Thats funny. I used love him when I was a kid, he was like a poor man's Weird Al Yankovic.

on Friday, November 19th, Nigel Tailwind said

Krugman? *vomits*
Rod please do me a favor and ask him if he still (three years later) believes his statement "That in three years the Enron closure will eclipse 9/11."
His crap in the NY Times (and I pay for/read it)stinks to high hell.

on Friday, November 19th, Rodney said

Irregardless of how people feel about Krugman (I'm no huge fan), the point is that he's going to be on Paul's show and not some other local media outlet.

on Friday, November 19th, razlerja said

A band from Philly called 'Baby Flamehead' covered the Action News theme song. Good luck finding a copy of their CD...

on Friday, November 19th, fossilfink said

And it isn't even on the CD. You'll have to find a private issue cassette for that. Good ol' Baby Flamehead.

on Monday, November 22nd, aila said

Do you really live in a house that was owned by Ben Franklin? If so that's pretty awesome...