[Previous entry: "Malkin: Blah, blah, Liberal Media, blah, blah, blah"] [Next entry: "Show Us Your Tits! (You Know, for Democracy and Stuff)"]

11/12/2004: "I Look Like Hell (Oh, and My Friend is Dead)"

Here's a perfect example of what an absolute failure as a human being I am.


This week's City Paper came out yesterday, featuring a cover story about the
Dave Blood Memorial shows. Staring at the paper my first thought was not
of my friend of 20 years whom I considered my brother and loved with all
my heart, but of myself: "Sweet Mother of Hubbard, I look like Hell"

That's the kind of person I am - just two or three feelings short of being
a Sociopath. My motto has always been "I don't mean to sound self-centered,
but we all really need to focus on me…all the time."

Perhaps the fact that I realize my thought process is wrong is a
sign that I might someday be a better person. Who knows? For now, I feeling
mighty guilty about the fact that I'm focusing on the wrong aspects of the
Memorial shows. For example, I love to see my name in print. So, I'm
reading the article about a man who is, defacto, my late brother, and one
thought keeps popping back into my mind: "Hey, that's a good quote I gave
them. Maybe someone we read the story, go to my website, read my crap, and
hire me to write a column." The correct thing to think is, of course,
"Shit, I miss Dave" - because I really, really do.

And I've been enjoying the practices for the shows way too much. I've
always enjoyed hanging out with Joe and Dean, and Dan (who'll be playing
bass on the 21st and 22nd) is a really good guy and a lot of fun to hang
around. So, the practices have been very jovial, instead of the somewhat
downbeat events that some part of me feels that they should be. I'm
confused about how I should be feeling and acting.

Shit, I miss Dave. He'd know what to do.

Folks, if you come to shows and begin to find yourselves feeling guilty
about enjoying yourselves, remember that you're not alone.

The reason that I look like Hell, by the way is that I'm exhausted from
Milkmen business, writing, and organizing PASS (Patriots Against Senator
Scumbag…er, Santorum).

In fact, I'm way too tired to deal with this stupid shit. It looks like
our ol' friends Concerned Whores for America are back, and they have their
scratchy, goat-hair panties in a bunch over the film Kinsey.

If you read CWFA's complaint (and haven't immediately ran to the nearest
bar for a shot and a beer) you might've notice this line in the second
paragraph: "…he aided and abetted the molestation of hundreds of
children in order to obtain data on "child sexuality."

The fuck he did! True, Alfred Kinsey did interview pedophiles for his
studies. And it's also true that he interviewed them in a non-judgmental
fashion, because that was the only way he could get information from them.
But Kinsey found child molestation to be abhorrent - just as any normal
human being does. Kinsey just wanted to lean why the abnormal didn't
find child molestation to be wrong. He was working to correct the
problem - not promote it. Jeebuz, do I need to put up a billboard?

If you read on, the shit just gets thicker. "We owe a great debt to Dr.
Judith Reisman, who has labored for three decades to expose the truth about
Alfred Kinsey…"

FYI: Dr. Judith Reisman has credited Dr. Kinsey's death to - and I'm NOT
making this up - excessive masturbation. If self-abuse is fatal then
why aren't my readers dropping like flies? Inquiring minds want to know!

If CWFA didn't provide you with enough down-home Kinsey-related comedy,
then you'll wanna read this which was penned by the stalwart, and strangely
named, Brandi Swindle (who can be reached on her cell phone at 208-867-1307
- presumably between the hours of one and three AM).

Are you ready for comedy? Then sound off like you've got a pair! Here we
go: Kinsey's legacy is not one of sexual enlightenment, as this movie
would lead you to believe, rather Alfred Kinsey is responsible in part for
my generation being forced to deal face-to-face with the devastating
consequences of deadly sexually transmitted diseases, pornography, and
abortion.

Oh, I get it now. None of these things existed before Kinsey published his
reports and would not exist now had Kinsey not created them in his lab
with the help of his assistant, Igor. Sweet, merciful crap.

People, some of my best friends are Christians. But they seem to be from
some strange parallel world of Christianity. They concern themselves with
issues like poverty and peace and not with some shadowy Homosexual plot to
promote abortion while picking up an OSCAR for Liam Neeson.

Shit, it's times like this when I really miss Dave.


Don't forget that the initial meeting of Patriots Against Senator Santorum
will take place tonight at Fergie's.

Replies: 21 Comments

on Friday, November 12th, razlerja said

PASS - I'll be there 7:00 sharp. And, just to show how serious I am, I'll have my briefcase!

PS - Shut up, you look fine.

on Friday, November 12th, pistaugh said

That was a great article, by the way. I read it last night when I got home. My wife made fun of me because I was getting all teary.

on Friday, November 12th, crapmonkey said

i agree, you dont look bad. :)

and i think that your practices for the show should be fun. youre remembering a friend, one who everyone says was funny and a jokester. i think the best way to honor someone is to feel happy that you knew them, to feel lucky that you have something to remember them by.

on Friday, November 12th, keyblur said

I read it last night at the bar, really good article. The only that confused me was "christian lunch", not sure what that meant. p.s in the I love you I hate you section check out the one titled Greta, pretty funny one.

on Friday, November 12th, pistaugh said

Also, I think we'd all like to see you offered a column. We show up here every day and read this stuff, after all.

on Friday, November 12th, pistaugh said

Christian Lunch used to be a band, if I remember correctly.

on Friday, November 12th, Rodney said

I think Dave was once registered as a member of the Christian Lunch Party. His brother, Joe, belonged to the Dance Party.

The way I heard the story (I came downstairs as the JW's were leaving), is that Dave kept flipping through their Bible looking for evidence to support his "Eat A Christian Lunch" theory.

on Friday, November 12th, ebbv said

you do look like hell, but let's be honest here, you looked like hell in 1987.

i wish i could come to the memorial shows.

and all of us daves require our funerals to be jovial and happy affairs, fyi.

on Friday, November 12th, ebbv said

funeral/memorial/sitting shiva, they all qualify for the 'everybody have a good time' clause.

on Friday, November 12th, K'vitsh said

I agree. Having fun practising and doing the show is the best way to honour Dave's memory. It would likely please him that you all are happy. I presume.

on Friday, November 12th, mad wanker said

I think that I may excessively mastrubate to that picture of Brandi Swindle.

Hot.. and nuts to boot.

on Friday, November 12th, ebbv said

what i love is phrases like the following from the brandi article talking about kinsey's report:

".. which the homosexual community used Kinsey's "research" as a gospel for recruitment."

the religious, gay-bashing nutcases always accuse "the homosexuals" of recruiting. it's very bizarre, has anyone, anywhere ever been approached by a gay person seeking to *recruit* you?

now how many people can even count the number of times they've been approached by a representative of a religion trying to recruit them?

hmmm... :P

on Friday, November 12th, Jackalope said

You think you look bad now, wait 100 years. I just wish I could be lucky enough to see how "bad" you look now.

on Friday, November 12th, Sully said

It was a great article - dang I wish I could make it to the shows - no vacation days left and I'd be dropping more than a grand on the trip - which I can't afford when my baby needs new shoes. No, I'm serious, my baby needs new shoes...

I'm still trying to figure out a way to get there and back on the cheap - this will be the most important event that I've ever wanted to be at but had to miss.

on Saturday, November 13th, Christine said

Yes, Rod, you do look like hell. I'm older than you are and look ten years younger.

BTW, you're only human, no matter what you think. It's human nature to be selfish. Mourning itself is selfish. Being happy and celebrating a passage is frowned upon by western cultures.

Don't mourn Dave's passage; celebrate his life.

on Saturday, November 13th, the drunk mailman said

you could wear a mask that would make you look good... http://www.thehorrordome.com/HDSHOPPINGPROPS/BoozerMaskLARGE.htm ...i have one and if you send me airfare i'll come to philly and lend it to you for the show...

on Sunday, November 14th, billzebub said

I also feel guilty because earlier this year Pitchfork stated that the DM reunion was an inevitability for 2004. I got so stoked and 2 months later, Dave killed himself and it shot down my hopes of a reunion and now there is a reunion but not really and it's kind of bittersweet, you know>

Anyway, Rod, I need your shirt size to prepare a "kill the Richest 1%" Te-shirt for you.

on Sunday, November 14th, Aj. Lin said

I wish I could drop by for the Santorum meeting, but I'm in Thailand. (Hi John!)

Good luck with getting that jackass out because I just got my absentee ballot for the presidential election yesterday. I'll send for my 2005 ballot now, just to be sure.

If he does end up winning again may I suggest marrying a Canadian: http://www.marryanamerican.ca/

on Sunday, November 14th, pathos said

nah, you don't look that bad, we all age dammit... i think it's just that Joe by your side doesn't look like he's gotten old that much over the years, in a kinda freaky way... have you checked his cellar to make sure he's not pulling a Dorian Gray?

on Monday, November 15th, RJ Hampden said

I was really shocked to see Dean. I've seen Joe and Rod enough to have gotten used to what time has done to their appearance. The last time I saw Dean was on the Butterfly Joe album insert. He looked like an electrician in the paper. I bet he still kicks all ass on the drums. 1, 2, EARTHSHOE!!

on Monday, November 15th, R said

I thought Dean looked like Joe Montegna, myself.