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10/24/2004: "Guide to Philly (Part The First: Food and Drink)"
Many of you are planning on visiting Philly for the Dave Blood Memorial
Concerts on November 21st and 22nd. The help you better enjoy (survive)
your stay in the Greatest City in the World; I'll be posting a guide to
the Quaker City once a week between now and "Bloodfest '04".
The first thing that you need to know about Philadelphia is that it's an
incredibly easy city to navigate your way around; this because the city
(unlike London, for example) is laid on a grid. The larger streets which
run north and south are numbered - with three notable exceptions. There is
no "First Street". We do, however, have a "Front Street". And there's no
"Fourteenth Street" - that's "Juniper". Finally, the main north/south
street is called "Broad Street" - City Hall is located at the point where
Broad and Market streets intersect. If you can understand the following
map, you can get around Philly:
The second thing that you need to know about Philly is that, as long as
you use a little common sense, your chances of getting your ass kicked are
a lot smaller than in Detroit or East St. Louis, for example. Olde City,
Center City, Washington West, "The Gayborhood", The Italian Market, and
University City are all relatively safe places to visit. I'll be sure to
point out any "Danger Spots" that lay near any of the places that I'll
be recommending you visit.
By the way, clicking on the links below will bring up pictures and (in
most cases) maps to recommended spots.
So, at the risk of sounding like Ben Schumin taking you on a photo tour
of Walmart, let's get started.
Food
The odds are pretty good that, at some point during your stay, your body
will require some form of nourishment. While Philadelphia is known around
the world as the place to go for Cheesestakes, I recommend that you avoid
them. Why? Well, because you'll either end up standing in line for two
hours at Jim's (4th and South Streets), or you'll journey deep into South
Philly to either Pat's or Gino's (East Passyunk Ave.) where you will
get your ass kicked for not following the ordering instructions.
Instead, go to the Reading Terminal Market located at 12th and Arch
Streets. This place was once a huge train depot, today it's a wonderfully
obscene collection of restaurants, bakeries (Be sure to my as many pies
as you can afford from the Amish), book stores, flower shops, and other
assorted dens of Capitalist excess.
Vegetarians (like me) will want to seek out the Whole Foods Market at 10th
and South Streets [That's not a picture of the market. That, gentle
readers, is teh worst dog blind date EVAR. It just happened to be
taking place outside of Whole Foods]. Sure, the smelly Hippy content of
the place is pretty high (along with the prices), but the food rules and
they offer free samples.
I don't know if you people eat breakfast, but if you do, you'll want to
make a trip to the "Gayborhood" to grab some starter fuel from Metropolitan
Bakery on Pine Street between 11th and 12th.
To me, at least, you people look like you're in search of killer Indian
food at a cheap price. If I'm right, and I always am, then you need to get
your asses on over to Samosa at some point during your stay in Philly.
Samosa, which is between 12th and 13th Streets on Walnut, has an $8.88 all
you can eat buffet and a men's room that contains some of the city's most
inspirational graffiti.
Those of you with some cash in your pockets (Which, thanks to the
President's well thought out tax cuts, is all of us) will want to pay a
visit to the Genji Sushi Bar (1720 Sansom St) for what may just be the
best Gawdamn night of your life. Genji serves hot sake and, from a
friend-of-a-friend, comes word that it rivals the sushi bars in Japan.
All of the above are great places to eat, but for my money, the best
restaurant in the city is My Thai, which is located on the corner of 22nd
and South Streets. I highly recommend the Gang Ped. My Thai serves wine,
but skip that and order a Thai Iced Tea instead. Trust me on this one.
Danger Zone Alert: DO NOT wander south of South Street while
visiting My Thai. Your best approach (rather coming from the east or west)
is to take Spruce Street to 22nd and then head south for three blocks.
Avoid at all costs The Hard Rock Café located at 12th and Market.
If you folks wanna pay $12 to eat a hamburger while staring at David Lee
Roth's jock strap, be my guests. My first official duty, after I'm elected
Mayor, will be to have that ugly giant guitar removed!
Liquid Sin
Anyone who knows me can tell you that my drug of choice is Caffeine. And,
as far as I'm concerned, the best place in Philly to score is Stellar
Coffee on the corner of 11th and Spruce Streets (just a little of a block
away from my house). I spend most of my life here.
If you're looking for a bar, then you're looking for Fergie's on Sansom
Street between 12th and 13th Streets. Fergie is Philly's unofficial Mayor
and one of the nicest people on Earth. The jukebox in Fergie's has a great
selection and there's not a TV to be found in the joint, so you'll never
have to worry about trying to speak up over a football game. Fergie's has
a tendency to get packed, so do your drinking early. They also feature
some truly great pub food. Danger Zone Alert: This neighborhood,
despite recent upscale additions, can get a little dicey late at night.
Consider yourself warned.
Another great jukebox and lots o' brew can be found at Doobie's, which is
just north of My Thai on the corner of 22nd and Lombard Street.
If you plan on picking up a few sixes of take-out beer to bring back to
your hotel room, you MUST proceed with great haste to the Foodery on the
corner of 10th and Pine Streets. At last count, they featured of 100
different kinds of beer. They also sell Woodchuck cider which, I guarantee,
will mess you up in the severest of fashions.
Well, that's it for food and drink (Unless more bars and restaurants come up
in the following installments). Next week I'll show you some weird crap.
Most of which can't be found in the average guidebook.
