10/01/2004: "Big-Assed Weekend Edition (Featuring LWTP, Tickets, Debates and Drew)"
Life with the Poor #23 has been posted.
Presale tickets for the Dave Blood Memorial/Benefit show will be available
from Ticket Master website at 10am October 6th.
Happy October, everybody. Did any of you watch the debates last night? I
did. I don't know why, but I did. I was thinking about boycotting the
debates on the grounds that they weren't really debates at all. Maybe I'm
mistaken, but I always thought that debates involved some sort verbal
exchange between two or more parties, and not just a pair of Bozos reading
prepared statements. If last night's match up qualified as a debate, then
the Hall of Presidents at Disney World qualifies as a debate.
Although, to be honest, if Disney had ran the debate, they would've edited
out this bit:
Kerry: I acknowledge [the president's] daughters, I've watched them…
Bush: I'm trying to put a leash on them.
Kerry: I've learned not to do that.
And where the Hell were David Cobb, Ralph Nader, and Jack Grimes? I dunno
about Cobb and Nader, but I bet Grimes has a few choice thoughts about
putting the Bush twins on a leash.
Overall, I'd have to say that the Bush's high-water mark came when Kerry
insisted that we should've gone into Iraq with more allies and Bush came
back with "He says we didn't have allies? What does he say to Tony Blair?
What does he say to Aleksander Kwasniewski of Poland?"
Would that be the same Aleksander Kwasniewsk who said "They deceived us
about the weapons of mass destruction, that's true. We were taken for a
As for Kerry, it seemed to me that he accomplished his goal - to look
taller than Bush. I still have no fuckin' idea where he actually stands
on Iraq, NAFTA, or "No Child Left Behind", but he sure is tall. He's tan, too.
But I'm just a lone lunatic crying out in the wilderness. What do the
professional lunatics think of the debate?
A quick check of Michelle Malkin's web site shows…nothing??? WTFMYV?
It's noon, Michelle, roll the fuck outta bed and write something that I can
make fun of. I did think that Bush sucked so badly in the debates that you
need all day to come up with some positive spin to put on his performance.
Al Franken, on the other hand, won't shut up: "Kerry won. We saw it with
our own eyes. So did pundits, and--so far--they agree." Yes, Al, Kerry
did a brilliant job of keeping Nader out of the debates, thereby avoiding
questions like "Senator, how does your position on the Israeli/Palestinian
situation differ from that of the President?"
Face it, Franken; you're not a radical bringer-of-truths, you're the
pitchman for a corporation - The Democratic Party. Now go fetch John
Edwards his cream soda.
So, since I can't declare a winner, I'm going to declare a loser - the
American public because we learned nothing. For example:
Both Bush and Kerry feel really bad for the people of Darfur. Are
they planning to do anything to help them? No, but they feel really bad.
Both Bush and Kerry assured us that we are going to win the war with Iraq.
So I guess that doesn't mean either of them needs to put forward an exit
strategy for getting US troops and corporations out of there.
Elsewhere in the universe, Drew Barrymore wants us to vote. Well, maybe
not old farts like you and me, but young people - uninformed,
undereducated, young people.
Barrymore's journey from Charlie's Angel to political activist began
shortly after she joined Declare Yourself, a voter-registration campaign
when she was asked was asked to make a speech. For what couldn't have
been the first time in her live, Drew no clue what to say.
So Drew set forth on a quest to be less of a 'tard. Fortunately for fans
of comedy, that quest has been documented in The Best Place To
Start, which has its final airing tonight on MTV. Here are a few things
"…realizing that women didn't have the right to vote until 1923."
"Being 27, 28 years old and not knowing what a primary or the Electoral
College is - I was that person."
"This is exactly what fucking politics does to you. It tries to make you
"It's so ridiculous. You have one side of it where people are trying to
disenfranchise and repress voting. Or be so highfalutin that they're
alienating everyone. On the other side, you have the most soulful
individuals in our history, doing the most brave things human beings can
do within their capacity to ensure and enable the right to vote. And it's
an incredible dichotomy. They should come together. They should not
battle each other."
Look, I'm not saying that … you know what? I don't really know what to say
about this. Mostly because I'm so blown away by how stupid Drew Barrymore
is. Shit, Luther, I guess all you need to make it in America is famous
last name and a big set of tits. On the one hand, maybe it's a good thing
that Drew Barrymore woke up one day, realized that she was an idiot, and
set out to empower people who are powerless primarily because their either
too stupid or lazy to step inside a voting booth.
Perhaps Ms. Barrymore is wasting her time trying to treat the symptom and
not the disease. Young people don't vote because they don't understand how
important voting is. The don't realize the sacrifices that their ancestors
made to secure the right to vote. They're ignorant because our schools
have failed to teach them the importance of voting. Maybe Drew should be
focusing on education. That's what Kate Jackson, the smart angel, would do.