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09/28/2004: "Vote Grimes."

Let's face it, the upcoming Presidential debates are going to be about as
exciting Anson Williams (TV's "Potsie") reading aloud from an auto parts
manual while painting his den beige - unless, of course, the debates are
opened to including dynamic third-party candidate Jackson Kirk Grimes.

While the name of the candidate who actually came in first in the 2000
Presidential election is still a matter for debate, the name of the person
who placed sixth is no mystery - Jack Grimes * of the United Fascist Union
(UFU, for short).

Mr. Grimes (Fuhrer Grimes?) is a former Army corporal, Shakespearean
actor, and avowed Satanist who presently calls Elkton, MD home. A quick
trip over to vote-smart.org turned up the following fun facts about our
soon-to-be 44th President:

Articles or Books Written by the Candidate:
'New World Order for the New Millennium' with Sally Parker.

Favorites:
Favorite food: Wonton soup
Favorite movie: 'A.D.'
Favorite Book: 'Poe & King were great, too many to pick'
Favorite type of Music: Blues & Jazz.

Pets:
1 Cat: Little Boo - now deceased.

Hobbies or Special Talents:
Piano and violin playing, pressing wild flowers.

Astrological Sign:
Virgo

That same trip also turned up this picture:




After a fresh change of underwear, I proceeded on to Mr. Grimes' positions
on the issues, where I learned his thoughts about Abortion ( "As you
may know both Mussolini & Hussein outlawed abortion in Italy & Iraq during
their lives. However, we believe this was due in no small part to the
religious beliefs of the Italians & Iraqis and so has no bearing on what
we do in America. Also, they're dead now & the United Fascist Union has to
keep up with the times." ), Drug Issues ( "… allow drug stores and
tobacco shops to sell marijuana, cocaine and other party favor drugs over
the counter."), and International Aid ("Not only do I admire and
respect Mr. Castro I'd love a good Cuban cigar again. Africa is a waste
of time and money. Give that money to the Israeli's or other countries
that actually do something for America or, our own poor here at home.")

Sure it would be easy to mock Jack Grimes as some sort of nutjob, but is
his candidacy any more ridiculous than either those of Bush or Kerry's?
Say what you will about Grimes, but I've read his entire bio and not once
did the words "Skull and Bones" come up - well, at least not pertaining to
a fraternity.

In an age when ass-grabbing actors can become Governors of real
states and ex-coke head presidents can invade sovereign nations on
trumped-up charges while the "opposition" party gives a big thumbs up,
Jack Grimes actually looks like a reasonable alternative.


Breaking News...

Jack Grimes will be a guest on the Paul Kircher Show on Friday, Oct 8th.



* Oddly Jack Grimes did not appear on any state ballots in 2000 (despite a
claim on his website that his name appeared on the ballots of 45 states.)

Replies: 10 Comments

on Tuesday, September 28th, billzebub said

What sort of Fascist is he? Legalizing drugs and abortions and giving money to the poor? That don't sound like any Fascism I'm taking marching orders from.

on Tuesday, September 28th, razlerja said

Dear Mr. Anonymous,

I would normally refrain from correcting a person on their own website. However, I believe that you have published an error so grave that I assume you would thank me for bringing it to your attention and the attention of your readers. California is not now nor has it ever been a 'real' state.

on Tuesday, September 28th, Comrade Bloody Rox said

I'm puttin my money on this guy.

on Tuesday, September 28th, Comrade Bloody Rox said

And I have never voted before in my lyfe...until now.

on Tuesday, September 28th, billzebub said

He's better than Bo Grits!

on Tuesday, September 28th, Rodney said

Mr. Grimes may be a Fascist, but he's appears to be a pro-Israeli fascist. So let's give him points for originality.

on Tuesday, September 28th, Doc said

Makes sense to me-put a Duce in the White House instead of a douche...got my vote; if felons could vote that is...

on Wednesday, September 29th, verjoel said

Is there any room for a third party candidate in our mercenary oligarchy?
“You say Nader, I say neither.”
Engineering public opinion is so easy for the politicians, I believe the real trouble they have is winning over the trust of the incumbent corporate elite.
Is Kerry there to make Bush look better?
To keep those of us who are getting bent defiled on line?
Are they trying to start a civil war as a diversion?
Is this immature, even though I am not young anymore?

on Wednesday, September 29th, Raoul said

So now I can stop wondering what Chris Stein and Debby Harry have been up to

on Thursday, September 30th, Heather Goldsmith said

I know for a fact, Mr. Grimes was on the ballot in the state of Pennsylvania as I voted for him myself. My friend, Sally Parker, said he was on the ballot in Delaware too, at least for a time, but got so few votes in the Primary, he wasn't on by the General Election that fall.

Also, as I am a Jewish person, I object to you calling the Director & C.E.O. of the United Fascist Union the Fuhrer. We are traditional Fascists, we are the true and faithful who follow the doctrines and teaching of Benito Mussolini & Saddam Hussein, having nothing to do with the redneck, bigots who compose the American Nutzi Party or the kook kook klan.

Vote Fascist 2004!
Elect Jack Grimes US President!