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09/22/2004: "I Can See Your House From Here"

I have a shack on my roof. Vienna and I didn't know about the shack when we
first rented our house, it was discovered by roofer who was re-tarring the
roof. "Hey, do you know you've got a shack up there?" he asked. No, we didn't.

The best theory that anyone's been able to put forward about the shack, so
far, is that it used to be a "widow's watch" - probably constructed in the
early 19th century, when it was still possible to see the docks from the
roof.

When the shit eventually hits the fan, you'll find me in that shack on my
roof, with my crossbow and a bottle of wine, crankin' Modest Mouse and
picking off looters andSUVs. Yes, I have a shack on my roof, so when the
shit eventually hits the fan, I'll be just fine. The rest of you are fucked.

Since the vast majority of you are shackless, I'm going to do you the only
favor I can. I'm going to tell you when the shit is going to hit
the fan. Ready? Two to three years after Social Security is privatized.

Back when I used to take the 124 bus from Philly to Chesterbrook - during
the bull market - there was a bus driver who used to go on-and-on everyday
about how if the money for Social Security weren't removed from his
paycheck, but given to him to invest in the stock market, he'd be sitting
high on the hog when the time for his retirement rolled around.

After a few weeks of this daily hymn to Adam Smith, I finally freaked out
and shouted "Do you have an MBA from Harvard that you've failed to inform
us about? Do you expect to bull market to last forever? People are going
to lose money. Pension plans are going to evaporate. Where's your safety
net then? Now shut the Hell up and focus on driving the bus."

The privatization of Social Security has been a goal of Laissez-faire
capitalists for quite some time now. And who can blame them? There's a
pile of money large enough to reach the shack on my roof to be made
separating people from their life's savings.

Hell, you've seen Bush's TV spot that promises, if The President wins in
November, to give people a chance to "own a piece of their retirement."
by allowing workers to keep a portion of their payroll taxes and invest
them in stocks, through means of government-sponsored accounts, just like
the driver on the 124 bus wanted.

Does anyone else see a problem with this plan?

Dad pays into the Social Security system, which, in turn, pays for
Grandpa's retirement. When junior gets a job, he'll pay into social
security to fund Dad and Grandpa's retirement. Now, if junior diverts that
money into a private account, Dad and Grandpa are shit outta luck. And
there's only enough room in the shack on my roof for my wife and I, so
they're doubly fucked.

OK, let's say that your attitude toward Americas elderly is of a
Machiavellian nature - i.e. "Fuck 'em, they can go flip burgers for $5.15
an hour." After all, you'll be getting back more money from the returns
on your stocks than you would've ever gotten form Social Security, right?

Guess again.

It would only take a downturn in the market or corporate scandal and you'd
be competing with Gramps for that burger-flippin' gig. After all, when
Chile privatized their Social Security system, back in 1995, the result was
that Chilean citizens lost $1.5 billion. The average worker lost 4% of
their investment, while the corporations that generously managed the
accounts earned a healthy 20% in profits.
But isn't Social Security in danger of going bankrupt sometime before next
Tuesday? Shit, Luther, instead of sitting here writing this, maybe I
should be out on the street, wearing a ski mask and toting an Uzi?

In a word, "no". In two words, "no no". The most recent study by the
Congressional Budget Office concluded that, even with no alterations,
Social Security will be able to pay full benefits to its retirees
until 2053. That gives us 49 years in which to make sure that the
system is propped up. It took us less than ten to put a man on the moon
and less than a week to record Biz Lizard.


Further Reading

Social Security Privatization Eleven Myths

Replies: 9 Comments

on Wednesday, September 22nd, billzebub said

About the elderly, I say fuck 'em...thye can go flip burgers at $5.15 an hour.

here's the rub, wether or not they privatize it, it's gone in a few years anyway...since it's a ponzi scheme in which I am currently paying for grandad's retirement, and people live to be 120 now and they retire at 65 and the boomers will all start retiring soon, and there aren't as many of us as there are them anyways, and half us Gen Xers and Gen Yers are living at home doing nothing anyway...the bottom is either going to fall out of Social Security, or they're going to start breaking my balls with how much they take outta my paycheck. Well, the day they take half of my earnings for FICA is the day I say to hell with it and go home to sit on the couch and do nothing. That's one less rube supporting the stupid system.

on Thursday, September 23rd, rumpleforeskin said

Billzebub, I have to disagree with you. The problem with your theory is that Gen Xers and Gen Yers won't be living at home jobless when their folks retire and don't have enough money for all of them. Look, Social Security is not a perfect system. I'll grant you that. Yes the baby boomers are going to put a huge strain on us thanks to our horny old grandparents and their irrepressible need to have fifty kids each.

However, privatization is not the answer and honestly there isn't a one-shot quick-fix. Personally, I feel that part of the answer lies in raising the retirement age so that these people have to keep paying in a little longer but even that doesn't fix things completely.

Rodney is right. Privatization will only lead to armed Milkmen on rooftops. What's really disturbing is that the same people who were "shocked" at what happened to the folks who worked and invested in Enron are stupid enough that they don't see the flaw in Bush's plan. That kind of ignorance makes me even more of an advocate for working their stupid asses until they're 75.

on Thursday, September 23rd, Rodney said

bill,

I think you've missed the point. Social Security is solvent until 2053. As for people living longer, an adjustment was made back in 1986 to handle that. The people who want you to believe that it's about to go belly up, are the people who plan to profit from its privatization.

By the way, did anybody catch Al Franken's incredibly lame Social Security piece the other day?

on Thursday, September 23rd, billzebub said

I'm not advocating privatization. I'm advocating not stealing my money. Lemme blow it all! I might not live to retirement anyway.

on Thursday, September 23rd, razlerja said

Hey Rodney, I wanna come over some day and see this shack of yours. Sounds pretty sweet!

on Thursday, September 23rd, briannirvana said

That was a good Thoughtless. To bad there wasn't some ancient scrolls or nazi loot in the shack.

on Thursday, September 23rd, Rodney said

An' that pic of Greenspan pulling a Richard Ramirez it totally tits.

on Thursday, September 23rd, John Kerry said

During his visit Wednesday to West Palm Beach, Kerry also went on the attack against Bush's plan to allow younger workers to invest some of their Social Security payments in personal accounts, a proposal its critics call "privatization."

Kerry said that Bush's plan is a "rip-off" that would drain $2 trillion from Social Security over the next decade while providing a $940 billion windfall to financial services firms that would manage the individual accounts.

"The truth is the only people who benefit from George Bush's Social Security scheme are the special interests," Kerry said.

on Thursday, September 23rd, Grundy Sherwood said

I caught Al Franken's social security piece. It was embarrasing how bad it was. I saw it on Sundance, and I kept thinking the whole time "This would be so much better if I didn't have to see them." Which is not to say that not seeing them would have made it good.