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09/09/2004: "Could We Please Speak In The Present Tense?"
Shit, Luther, in the past two months there's been more news coverage of the
Vietnam War than there was when we were actually fighting the frickin'
thing. And what have we learned from all this coverage?
George W. Bush, fearing that his homosexual and cannibalistic tendencies
might "rise to the surface" during the heat of battle, had his father, the
head of the American Nazi Party, pull stings to get him a cushy assignment
to the Texas Air Nation Guard. Bush apparently not only never showed up for
duty, but dropped entirely off the map from 1965 until 1970 when, shortly
after the Tate-LaBianca killings, he stumbled into a police station,
covered in blood and screaming "Charlie made us do it!"
John Kerry did, however, serve with distinction in Vietnam rising from the
rank of Private all the way to Baby Killer First Class. Upon returning to
the United States, Kerry spoke at several anti-war rallies where he met and
impregnated Jane Fonda. Their demon child is believed to be controlling the
world monetary system from a secret cave in New Mexico.
While all of this is interesting (Or, at least, it would be, had it been
written by someone who can string two sentences together), I'm hard pressed
to understand how the actions of two rich boys, thirty years ago, have any
bearing on my life today. Sure, some people will tell you that it's all
about "character", but those people are so full of horseshit that they
squeak going into a turn. No, the reason that everybody's taking about the
past is because nobody wants to talk about the present.
George Bush has been President for four years. During that time he's fucked
up on grand scale. Why doesn't the Kerry camp mention that in their ads?
Could it be because Kerry, by voting for almost all of Bush's initiatives,
handed him a blank check to fuck up? Maybe both sides are afraid that if
the candidates start discussing policy, instead of where each was on
Christmas day of 1971, the public just might notice that Bush and
Kerry have more in common than a membership in Skull and Bones.
Trading Card Mania Grips Billions
Tuesday night I went to see my friend Bob Dix ("Bob Dix is the worst name
in the world. I got beat up in Elementary school, I got beat up in High
School, I got beat up in College, and I got beat up on the way here.")
perform at the Late Night Cabaret.
Bob is the guy who came up with the idea of Artist Trading Cards. A movement
that I'm hoping, with your help, to expand across the globe. All you need
to participate in this revolution is a 2 1/2 x 3 1/2 inch piece of paper
(Preferably heavyweight matte paper). You can either draw something on
this paper or use a pre-designed RATYHTL trading card (That's Series One,
Number One in the upper left). Write your name or any info that you might
deem pertinent on the back of the card and leave it someplace. It's that
simple.
If everything goes as planned, you should, someday, start finding other
people's trading cards just lying around. Feel free to email me your
designs. All I ask is that they be 2 1/2 x 3 1/2 inches. When I get enough,
I'll put up a gallery.
Hey. if you live in LA, the odds are 50/50 that you can't read this.
