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09/08/2004: "And Her Name Is Veronica"
I don't why, but I awoke this morning thinking about the Church of the
Roses. Hey, that's just the kinda guy I am. At least five days a week, I
wake up thinking about something that has absolutely nothing to do with my
life. That's why I have this web site, by the way; so that I can "download"
these thoughts and get on with my life. So far, it's not really working out
too well. Instead of allowing me to clear my mind, so that I can deal with
more important, personal, matters, I find myself spending hours sitting at
the keyboard and banging out 1,500 word essays comparing and contrasting
the Amish and the cast of The O.C. Go figure.
Anyhoo, The Church of the Roses used to be my favorite crazy religious
cult. Back in the 80's they rented a about 50 billboards in the Philadelphia
area that not only contained a cryptic message about Jesus (typically, they
went something like this: "Jesus speaks through Veronica. Hear the messages
of Christ."), but they also included a 1-800 number that you could call for
a free gift.
These gifts were amazing. Some people who called received plastic rosary
beads; others got rose petals sealed in shrink wrap. Why was that so amazing?
Well, each of these items came with a guarantee that it was blessed
not only by the Virgin Mary, but also by the Big J.C. himself!
And the best part was that you could call them several times a day, leaving
your name and address on their answering machine, and they would send you
a gift for each call. I have a lot of books, so I needed a lot of
bookmarkers, and those blessed pose petals were perfect. At least once a
month, I'll take a book down off the shelf and open it, only to have one of
those plastic-sealed petals fall to the floor.
I swear, every punk in Philly must've called that toll free number at
least ten times a day, because - by '86 - blessed rosary beads and petals
were turning up as party favors at nearly every bash I went to.
But what about the actual church itself? Who were they and where did they
get all that wonderful crap?
The story of the Church of the Roses is really the story of Veronica
Lueken, AKA "The Seer of Bayside" - yes, as in Bayside in the
borough of Queens, New York. Apparently, Veronica was just an ordinary
Queens housewife until one day in 1968 (the day that RFK was shot and
killed, to be precise) when St. Theresa appeared to her and started
dictating spiritual directives and poems.
Now, I don't mean to come off as an elitist, even though I am one, but if
you were a Saint, whom would you rather make yourself known to - a
world renown scientist or a housewife from Bayside? Yeah, I thought so.
Two years later, Veronica began to get regular visits from the Virgin Mary,
who, like ait Theresa would dictate her messages to Veronica. The odd thing
being that the Virgin Mary, instead of speaking Aramaic, as one might
expect, speaks perfect English. Well, maybe not perfect English.
Here's one of the messages:
BE READY NOW, "THE WARNING IN '97"
In the brilliant story of Bayside, the paramount prophesy of 25 years of
messages is the visit of the great Warning and the great Chastsement upon
the world. And if we do not learn from this Warning - a profound attempt by
the Eternal Father to rescue His cherished creatures mired in sin - billions
will perish (Our Lady, October 6, 1973).
Did I miss something? Did billions of people bite the dust in 1997? And why
can't the Mother of God even get the spelling of Chastisement right?
Mary also, occasionally, chimed in with helpful AIDS prevention advice:
BLOOD
Do not be affrighted, My child; I realize that this has given you a
feeling of terror, for the AIDS plague has hit many: all the known and
unknown, and children as well. I would suggest, My children, that you guard
yourselves well against this plague. If you must have a form of operation
requiring transfusions, I would suggest that you have a member of your
family donate this blood; for the other has been grossly-I say grossly-
contaminated and will cause many deaths (Our Lady, October 6, 1988).
Despite this all this silliness and bad grammar, Veronica attracted many
followers, which is sorta to be expected when you consider just how
desperate people are for something to believe in. What wasn't to be expected
was their choice of Holy Ground - the former World's Fair Grounds in
Flushing Meadow Park.
It was on this spot (well, technically, the marble monument of the Vatican
Pavilion.) where Veronica's followers would gather and take photos that
would somehow end up with words scrawled across them, like the infamous
"Jacinta 1972" picture (There's no way that could be a fake!).
Former President Ronald Reagan was so impressed with Veronica that he flew,
at tax payer expense, a White House assistant to Bayside to meet with her.
Hey, how come nobody mentioned that during his funeral?
Sadly, or maybe not - she was a bit of right wing nut - Veronica passed away
in 1995, two years before the catastrophic events of 1997, that we all seem
to have missed. The Church itself still seems to be alive and kicking,
however. You can write to them (beg for free stuff) at:
Our Lady of the Roses, Mary, Help of Mothers Shrine
BOX 52
Bayside, New York 11361-0052
And always remember, if English is good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good
enough for us.
