09/01/2004: "Malkin: NY Times Demands The Death Of All First-Born Males."
Remember when you were a little kid and you found your sister's diary? At
first you thought "This is gonna be great. I bet there's all sorts of
really good stuff in here that she'd die of embarrassment if she knew I'd
read". Then you actually read the thing and it was filled with entries like
"May 8: Today at lunch there was applesauce" and "November 10: Some
teachers are nice."
Well that's the way I've come to feel about Michelle "Please Trust My
Yellow Journalism" Malkin's blog. When someone first pointed it out to me I
thought, "Hot damn, this outta be a source of endless, original crazy!"
Now I'm just bored with it, because, although the amount of crazy does seem
endless, it's not very original. Just more of the usual "The Liberals
wanna take away our guns and burn our churches and replace the words 'under
God' with 'all hail Mother Earth' and today at lunch there was applesauce"
Take, for example, Michelle's column for this week. It's called "The Times'
bias against conservative Christians". Yep, it's another one of those
"Christians as victims" pieces right-wing columnists (who are always
whining about groups that "play the victim card".) love to pen every couple
of months or so. In the piece, Malkin gets all in huff because the
editorial staff at the Times seems concerned about the influence of
conservative Christians on our Government.
And why shouldn't they be? The last time I checked this was still a secular
country. Shouldn't we be concerned about a group that's looking to change
one of the basic tenants of our Government? Especially one that's been
working pretty well for us for over 200 years. I don't know about you
folks, but I like my Government's decisions to be based on logical research
and not the two-thousand-year-old deranged scribbling of some
Thanks to conservative Christian influence, 30% of the total US foreign aid
budget goes to Israel (Making Israel the largest recipient of US aid in the
world, despite the fact that I've never met a starving Israeli). Why?
Because Israel needs to exist so that Jesus can return. And when he does
return, he'll be the best-armed Deity (In terms of weapons, that is. Kali
has the most actual arms) in history, thanks to the over 200 nuclear
missiles that we've help Israel to acquire.
And can we really trust a God who led his chosen people to the only spot in
the Middle East where there's no oil?
On the domestic front, conservative Christian influence has given us "Faith
Based Initiatives" - federal funding for programs run by any religious
group, as long as they're Christians (No Jewish or Muslim group has ever been
granted any money under the Faith Based Initiative program.).
I'll tell you what, M&M's column this week is so misguided that I'm not
going to waste an entire day's blog on it, OK? Let's just all agreed that
turning America in a Theocracy, like the Taliban did in Afghanistan, is a
genuinely bad idea and that keeping an eye on any group that wishes to do
so is a good idea, and move the fuck on, please.
If the people behind Malkin's weekly column (which, incidentally, is
smaller than my average daily blog, and contains considerably fewer
pictures of my friend, Doc) wanna see some real Democrat-hatin', they
should hire me. Nobody, and I mean nobody, hates the Democrats right now
more than I do.
Why? Because they're taking away my right to choose.
Now, if you tune into the Republic Nation Convention (Being covered,
gavel-to-gavel, live on both The Christian Broadcast Network and the SciFi
channel) you'll see plenty of Democratic protesters (86 blocks away in the
"Free Speech Zone") who'll be happy to tell you that the Republicans want
to take away your right to choose, and they're correct about that. But what
they're not telling you is that the Democrats are taking away some people's
right to choose at this very moment.
On Monday, thanks to some Democratic footwork, a three-judge appellate
panel threw Ralph Nader off the ballot in my home state of Pennsylvania
(teh best state EVER!).
Now, I wasn't planning on voting for Ralph (I'm voting for David Cobb), but
I would've liked to have the option of deciding that for myself. The
Democrats took that choice away from me because it's easier for them to
knock names off the ballot than to actually try to win my vote. You know, I
despise George Bush so much that, at one point, I actually considered
voting for his slightly-less-evil twin, John Kerry, but the recent
statements by Kerry that he would've invaded Iraq even with the knowledge
that there were no WMD's and the recent dirty tricks of the Dems in regards
to getting Nader tossed off ballots, has cost Kerry my vote.
It's hard enough for a third party candidate to get on the ballot (In PA a
third party candidate needs 25,000 signatures to get on the ballot - Reps
and Dems only need 2,000), once a guy gets there, I say we let him stay.