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08/24/2004: "Stop, Or My Mom'll Read A Photo Of Your Ass."
Don't miss tomorrow's (Unless, of course, you're reading this on Wednesday.
In which case, don't miss today's) Paul Kircher Show (3:00 p.m. on 860 AM,
WWDB). During the first half-hour, Paul will interview one of my heroes -
James "The Amazing" Randi.
Paul Kircher: Do you think that Sylvia Browne wants to win the
$1,000,000 prize to
buy ham.
James Randi: And butter!
Paul Kircher: Oh, no. A psychic
fatty eat attack! Ha, it is to laff.
Miguel Roya: It is a mystery.
The second half of the show will be devoted to my return to Fort Mifflin.
Speaking of psychics, everybody has their favorite and mine is Sylvester Stallone's creepy
mom, Jackie..
Jackie Stallone is a pioneer in the field of "Rumpology" (You'll
wanna bookmark that URL and share it with your loved ones), or - in
layman's terms - predicting someone's future by looking at a picture of
their ass. A service to humanity that, former trapeze artist, Ms. Stallone
performs for a mere $125. (Paul, can we expense this? I've got dozens of
pictures of my ass just lying around gathering dust. The pictures, that
is.)
But wait, there's more.
Jackie also owns a pair of psychic miniature Doberman pinschers. Ms.
Stallone clams that the dogs (which she often dresses in tutus) have been
very accurate in predicting Oscar winners (No, I don't know how they do
this, but thanks for asking). In 2,000 the hounds predicted that Chocolat would walk away
with the statue for Best Picture.
The envelope please...
...and the winner was...
Gladiator.
Bad dogs!
Actually, the pooches have had a better record when it comes to politics.
Reportedly, the mutts have prediction the elections of Tony Blair, George
W. Bush, and Gray Davis (whose name Jackie failed to remember during an
interview with MSNBC).
But wait, there's more.
Jackie Stallone vs. The Beltway Sniper
In October 2002, Jackie (one of the "stars" of Beach Babes From Beyond )
told MSNBC's Jeannette Walls that the Beltway Sniper was "a light-haired
person, in his 20s or 30s, from a good family."
Which is pretty close - especially if you discount that John Allen
Muhammad, 41, and his stepson John Lee Malvo, 17 are both black and come
from a pretty troubled family (Although Jackie's definition of a "good
family" may be open to interpretation).
But wait, there's more.
As Christmas presents, Jackie Stallone reportedly gave each of her son,
Sly's, employees a pen and a signed photograph of herself.
