08/23/2004: "Commodify Your Dissent"

bumper (13k image)

Giving in to the hundred or so emails I've gotten over the last months on he subject, I've finally broken down and made the Laura Bush bumper sticker featured on the Ronald Reagan in Hell site available in the RATYHTL Store.

Sadly, because I'm using CafePress, I can only offer one type of product at a time (One of these days, I must get around to visiting the prison in China where RATYHTL products are manufactured). This means that I had to choose between the Bush and Kerry bumper stickers.

kerryban (25k image)

So, I flipped a coin. It came up Kerry. I flipped it again, and - once more - it came up Kerry. Since, I've received more emails asking for Bush bumper stickers than Kerry bumper stickers, I flipped it yet again - this time it came up Bush. Fair 'nuff. This also means that the "Honk If You Killed Jesus" bumper stickers won't be available until after the election. Unless, of course, Jesus loses the next coin-toss.

bumper2 (13k image)

Well, I certainly hope that you all enjoyed that infomercial. Which reminds
me - only two weeks left until I join the ranks of the unemployed. Sure,
that means that I won't have money for frivolous items like rent and food,
but, on the bright side, I'll finally be able to list my profession as
"Gentleman Adventurer".

doccup1 (14k image)

Saturday, by the way, was one of the most productive days of my life. Not only did I design the nifty bumper stickers featured above (except for the Jeebuz one, which was done months ago) and updated the What To Read page, but I also edited together (10 hours - non-stop) the return to Fort Mifflin piece for Paul's show.
I'm more than happy with the way that the piece turned out (A triumph of reason over superstition) It'll air during the second half of Paul's show on Wednesday. The first half of Paul's show will feature an interview with a man who's been a hero of mine for many, many years - James "The Amazing" Randi! DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW!I capped off the evening by breaking into my friend Doc's house and stealing this picture of him with the Stanley Cup outta his sock drawer. Why? Because Jesus is his
coach.. Other photos in the "sock drawer" collection include "Doc with Jimmy Hoffa's body", "Doc holding the rifle that killed JFK", and "Doc mixing Kool-Aid (Jonestown 1978)".

Recommended Reading

The section of the of the James
Randi Educational Foundation website devoted to alleged psychic and confirmed
frump Sylvia
Browne .This would be a hilarious read if it weren't for some of the damage called
by Sylvia's "predictions".

It would seem that, a few years back on that bastion of scientific
thinking, the Montel Williams' show, Sylvia psychically intervened
on behalf of the grandmother of a missing six-year-old named Opal Jo
Jennings from Texas (Where the Hell else would a kid named Opal Jo
be from?).

Perhaps interested in watching another human being ride an emotional roller
coaster, Browne told Opal Jo's grandmother that the little girl was still
alive. And I'm sure that cheered the ol' broad up - for the three seconds
before Browne informed her that Opal Jo been sold into white slavery...in
Japan.

To her credit, Browne helpfully supplied the name of the city in Japan
where she perceived that Opal Jo was being held. Unfortunately, there was
no such city by that name in Japan.

Almost four years later, little Opal Jo's body turned up - not in Japan,
but in Texas. The Cause of Death was determined to be a blow to the head. A
Texas (not Japanese) man has been convicted of her murder.

Hey, Sylvia, nice job of raising and then dashing Opal Jo's family's hopes,
you frickin' ham-beast

Here's
Sylvia's official
homepage / Comedy Gold Mine. Here are just a few of Sylvia's
"Predictions for the next 100 years"

Babies will be birthed in water all the time, with music, incense, and
green and lavender lights.
Diagnostic chambers which map the body's electrical balance to predict
health problems before the come.["electrical balance"
- wtf?]
Atlantis will begin to show itself by 2023 and be fully visible by 2026
There will be no US Presidency; our government will go back to a Greek
Senate structure. [Remember, you heard it here on RATYHTL first!]
Aliens will begin to show themselves in the year 2010, they will not harm
us, they simply want to see what we are doing to this planet. They will
teach us how to use anti-gravity devices again, such as they did for the
pyramids.
[And my personal favorite] Third floor of houses have rollback
roofs
to allow Hovercrafts to come and go.

The site also clearly points out that "Sylvia does not read
e-mail.". But then again, why would she? After all, she's psychic.

A pretty good beat-down of Sylvia can be read here.

Holy Deck Building Christ! Here is a "Psychic Search" forum. There's an Opal Jo page on the site, however there is no mention of Sylvia
Browne's failed prediction.

Malkin X

Our gal, Michelle
"PFMYV" Malkin, fresh from her recent embarrassing performance on
Hardball (Where she implied that John Kerry shot himself
in Vietnam) will be dropping by Radio Times
on Wednesday August 25th at 10 am to debate law professor Eric
Muller. As always, Radio Times welcomes your calls. The number
is 1-888-477-WHYY (1-888-477-9499)

Separated at Birth?