08/17/2004: "Unfunny at any Speed: D.L. Hughley"
I watch a lot of TV. I also read a lot of books. These two seemingly
contradictory aspects of my persona are why a small yet fanatically devoted
tribe in Borneo is currently carving my likeness into the side of an
So, the other night I turned into Real Time with Bill Maher because
I knew that Michelle Malkin would be a guest and because I also know that,
once some hardballs started getting tossed in her direction, she'd start
crying - the rumor on the web being that she was on her period. Sadly,
Malkin was never posed any really tough questions. Maybe she would've been,
had not one of the other guests been the painfully annoying D.L. Hughley
Now, if you've only seen three episodes of Real Time with Bill
Maher, then the odds are pretty good that at least two of those
episodes featured D.L. Hughley. My best guess is that Damn Lucky Hughley is
Maher's "go to guy" whenever a real guest cancels at the last
moment. The way that the late Tony Randall was for Letterman.
Bill Maher: Thanks to my guests, Ralph Nader, Vladimir Putin, and D.L.
Hughley. Next week's guests will be Donald Rumsfeld, Howard Dean and Pope
John Paul II. Goodnight.
Regular viewers have learned not to get too excited when Bill announces a
killer line up.
Bill Maher: Hello, D.L.? Listen the Pope has the flu and can't be on the
show this week. I was wondering if you could fill in.
D.L. Hughley: Sure, I'll do my "Funny Black Guy from the Ghetto" routine.
That never gets old.
I suppose that the best thing that you could say about Hughley is
that he was the funniest comedian to be featured in the jaw-droppingly bad
concert film The Original Kings of Comedy. This is, of course, an
honor akin to being the kid on the short bus who drools the least. What's
the difference between being mauled by a bear and watching The Original
Kings of Comedy? Someday, you might be able to look back on the
incident with the bear and laugh.
The worst thing that can be said about Hughley is that he often ruins what
would otherwise be a pretty decent show.
Donald Rumsfeld: The President acted in good faith, I ...
Howard Dean: How can you sit there and say...
D.L. Hughley: Look, I don't know nothin' 'bout no Weapons of Mass
Destruction, OK? But - in my neighborhood - a mutherfucker best be
wearing a hat. OK? [Mugs to camera. Awaits forced laughter from audience].
Thanks to D.L. Hughley residency on Real Time with Bill Maher, there
are now only three shows on HBO that don't suck - The Wire,
Deadwood, and Da Ali G Show. And you can bet that somewhere
at HBO's corporate headquarters, the same geniuses who were responsible for
Arlis$, the twenty minute dream sequence on The Sopranos, and
the recurring nightmare of D.L. Hughley dropping by Real Time are
looking for a way to ruin those shows, too.
Real Time with Bill Maher
Bonus 'Tard Write Zone
And your point is ?
ENOUGH already with Bill Cosby and his diatribe about how black kids don't
speak correct English, and blaming it on the parents.
Although it's true that many teenagers speak poorly, and walk a crooked
path, you can blame a lot of it on the movies, with their violence, and the
rock concerts and the way life is portrayed among the poor, with drugs, and
bad homelife, etc.
Bill Cosby - all of this is not new. Get off your high horse and stick to
what you know best, comedy. There are plenty of white kids with the same
problem. There are many black people who have achieved eminence in their
field, on radio, TV and the movies.
So enough is enough, and let's get on with tackling the real issues. But,
Bill Cosby, you are still the greatest.
Wow, that's a whole lotta crazy to jam into just four paragraphs which
essentially boil down to "Cosby, you suck ass, but you are still the
greatest." The only thing this letter is missing is a PS about how the
author will continue to pray to the Virgin Mother of Guatalupe for a
successful harvest of Starburst Fruit Chews.
The line " There are many black people who have achieved eminence in their
field, on radio, TV and the movies" is priceless. Say, Ed, wouldn't you
also like to have a few more eminent doctors and scientists on the team?
Does black America really need another D.L. Hughley? Does anybody?