This Is Not A Loveseat
Wherein I ask for your help with a project.
Long-story-short: On Sunday, Dean sent me an email letting me know that Colin Meloy of the Decemberists had issued a songwriting challenge to the world that involved composing a song about modern furniture within the chord structure of Wichita Lineman. Apparently, those Decemberists have a little too much time on their hands. Hopefully, this idleness will result in another excellent tune like The Rake's Song, even though experience shows that idleness in bands is the leading cause of rhythm sections turning up at Town Hall meeting and loudly proclaiming that Healthcare Reform will result in mandatory sex-change surgery and forced abortions for the elderly.
Now, for the average musician, working within the structure of Wichita Lineman is tantamount to a pole-vaulter deciding that it might be fun to attempt to clear the high-bar in a full suit of armor. I, however, am in the Dead Milkmen: we trash more songs before 9:00 AM than must bands will in a lifetime; so writing and recording the song wasn't a problem. After all, nowhere in the rules does it state that the song has to any good. Here it is; it's called This Is Not A Loveseat
And here are the lyrics:
This Is Not a Loveseat
She dropped nearly 14 grand
On an ugly hunk of chrome
She brought it into our living room
She brought it into our home
We used to sit and watch TV
Bergman films on TMC
Then she bought that monstrosity
She thinks is from the Ming Dynasty
A man's home is his castle
I don't need this hassle
When I look at the furniture
I just want to scream at her
This is not a loveseat X4
Her taste in furniture is profane
It borders on the criminally insane
Polka dots on zebra skin
Chinese-Danish Modern
Hideous colors that run together
Like one of Bill Cosby's sweaters
All become a terrible sight
When placed beneath florescent lights
Into a rusted frame we settle
A chair that looks like a tea kettle
When I look at the furniture
I just want to scream at her
This is not a loveseat X4
Note that I would've asked Trevor to sing background, but I don't know anyone named Trevor.
Now, here's were you come in: I need all of you with video skills to create a video of you singing (lip-syncing) This Is Not A Loveseat; upload the video to YouTube; and email the link to Colin (Be sure to BCC me). Videos will receive bonus points for including any or all of the following elements:
- Emo hair
- Grainy black and white footage
- A visible price tag on a synthesizer
- A picture of Vladimir Putin (for Vienna)
Good luck and let's get going, there's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural fluids.