Thoughtless for the Day

During her thirty year stint with Saturday Night Lite, I can't think of one occasion during which Victoria Jackson managed to make me even chuckle. So, you can imagine my surprise when I stumbled across her website and ended up laughing so hard that I pissed my pants (And I never did change my pee pants all day. I'm still sitting in my dirty pee pants.):

Why am I voting for the fantastic McCain/Palin ticket? Simply because my "world view" is based on the belief that The Bible is the inerrant, holy, Word of God, and the Republican stance on abortion, marriage, government control, taxes, education, health care, charity, military, defense, democracy and freedom - lines up closest with the Bible's message.

Despite being an Atheist, I've read the Bible from cover-to-cover maybe a dozen times (Shit Luther, I even subscribe to Biblical Archeology Review), but I seemed to have missed the part where Jeebuz turned to the money lenders on the steps of the Temple and said, "See these poor people? Yeah, these assholes right here. Well, fuck 'em. Stick 'em in orange jumpsuits and fuck 'em with cattle-prods. And fuck 'em good and hard, 'cuz they're a bunch of lazy bastards and you have my permission to take anything you can get from ‘em. Rewrite the tax codes so that you get the breaks and they get screwed. See if I fuckin' care". Hell, if He had said something like that, I might be a Christian and a Republican.

But that's not the best part. Victoria really hits her comedy stride when it comes to one Mr. Barack "666 Moslem Baby Killer" Obama:

Whoever Obama's paying to help him appear to be a Christian, to win the Evangelical vote...is doing a terrible job. He should ask me for a few pointers. First of all, "obscure reference in Romans" is a dead give away that he's never cracked a Bible. "Evangelicals" love Romans. They have it practically memorized. -"obscure reference in Zephaniah" might have been more appropriate. And, Obama, when you say things like, "Sin is...being out of alignment with my values." That is a blaring siren of Biblical ignorance. The Bible says, "Sin is being out of alignment with God's values." That's like the number one lesson in every book of the Bible. You really need some help. Your statements are New Age, relativist, & humanist. Basically, they are textbook comments that go back to the first sin in the Garden of Eden, when the serpent lied and told Adam and Eve that they could be equal with God. (Read the book "When the World Will Be As One") "New Age" is the oldest false religion. It is a lie. And as for your "church" or Rev. Wright, Evangelicals think it's a sad cartoon. Obama, call me. I'll explain Christianity to you. Maybe you'll get saved and start loving unborn babies.

I don't want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti- Christ and I'm scared to death that un- educated people will ignorantly vote him into office.

Once again, it's the un- educated people who are fucking up the program. I, for one, didn't even know the word “un- educated" is hyphenated.

Meanwhile, over at the Sandbox, Charlie Daniels attempts to make Thomas Frank's head explode by defending the Trickle Down theory of economics as a group of people who've been getting trickled on for some time agree with him.

When I was a kid, working class people had a healthy hatred for the privileged class. Over the last half century, the boogeyman of the Robber Baron has been replace by the boogeyman of the Liberal Elitist in much the same way that the anger of the medieval peasantry was redirected from the landed gentry to witches [insert Sarah Palin joke here]. It's sad... but it's also kind of amusing. Anyway, what I love the most about Republicans is that they, like me, love money and fear dying poor. That's why I'm opposed to tax cuts for the wealth. Because saddling the lower classes with the bulk of the taxes has never led to a strong economy. If it did, the aforementioned peasants would've lived like kings.