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October 31, 2008


I'm off to see the Sisters of Mercy at the Troc in a few minutes, but I wanted to leave you with Bitchin' Camero from last Saturday night. I promise this is the last Dead Milkmen clip I'll post for a good long while.

Well, that was pretty much six minutes of me losing my shit.

October 30, 2008

Ack-Ack Positions. Everyone: Aid or Invade vs. France


I honestly believe that this is one of my better Aid or Invades. In other news: Pretty Atheist girl still has a chance at being America's Next Top Model!

And now a clip from Sunday night's Dead Milkmen show.

October 29, 2008

I Go "Do Dah Do"

Hey folks, I'm still wiped out from last weekend's Milkmen shows. In fact, there are whole sections of my body that just won't stop hurting. I'm hoping that I'll be back making regular posts tomorrow night.

As evidence for why I'm in my present condition, I offer these pictures (as well as these) of an obese, elderly gentleman attempting to run around a stage like an idiot for two hours.

October 22, 2008

World O' Ignorance: Raani Starnes Edition

"I feel like I've been a victim of recipe rape." - Raani Starnes

Let's be honest (just this once, and never again. I promise); One Star Wednesday was getting a little old. One thing that never gets old; however, is snickering at the hedgeborn Neanderthinkers who roam this great land of ours in pretty much the same manner in which those zombies roamed the shopping mall in Dawn of the dead. So that's exactly what we'll be doing every Wednesday until The Raptures (which I've been assured will take place any day now)

This week's guest Ignoroid is Raani Starnes who posts a blog called "Homeschooling Hints". The spotlight of ignorance recently shined on Raani when 2000 Years of Deception stumbled upon her post about "gay-friendly" schools. It's time don your pressure suits, brave fellow Ignornauts, because we're about to open the hatch and step into the cold vacuum that is the mind of Raani Starnes :

Although I'm against the special accommodations, perhaps this new trend of segregation will protect straight kids from these predators. With any luck, some radical will blow up the gay school. No, I'm not condoning vigilantism--I'm merely saying that it would be poetic justice.

And it's nut like that little golden nugget o' ignorance was sitting all alone in a forest of reason; no, "Homeschooling Hints" (What about Trailerschooling Tips?) is veritable Rift Valley of Fundie weirdness which the vast Leakey family [make a contribution while you're there, cheapskates] of blogosphere Igno-Archeologists have only just begun to descend upon. On a recent dig, the intrepid Ethno-ignorologists at The Raytractors discovered that Raani believes the moon landings were faked (she also states that her grandparents had come to this same conclusion, adding fuel to the hereditary stupidity debate), which means it's once again time for another installment of Buzz Aldrin punches a guy in the face

Not to be outdone, The Anonymous Institute for Advanced Ignorance Studies spent nearly ten entire minutes digging around "Homeschooling Hints" before chancing upon two remarkable posts. The first, titled "Once upon a time, there was a wicked crone..." details a how one church's Thanksgiving potluck dinner descended into a cesspool of backstabbing and recipe rape. If you enjoyed that, be sure to read our second discovery: "Update on the Wicked Crone Post", in which Raani explores the Christian concept of REVENGE.

October 21, 2008

Titus: A Hand Off, Not a Hand Out

titus.jpgTitus (1999)

I can't believe it took me a decade to get around to seeing Julie Taymor's wonderfully disturbing take on Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus. It's a good thing I don't apply that same schedule to showering.

What made me decide to finally spend a Sunday in bed watching Titus? Well, there were a couple of reasons, but the deciding factor was something I like to call the "Salon.com Inverse Ration Review Rule" which states: "the worse the review on salon.com, the better the movie". [For example, I really loved Todd Solondz's Storytelling which Salon critic Charles Taylor pretty much called a crime against humanity]. When looking up reviews of Titus, I came across this panning on Salon, (also by Chuck Taylor) and that pretty much sealed the deal.

So, apart from a crap review in Salon (which should really be enough), what makes Titus, which is generally regarded to be one of Shakespeare's lesser works, such a great movie? Director Taymor understands that the plays of the Bard are not holy relics to be kept under glass and treated with fawning reverence, so she sets her Titus in 400 CE, the fascist Rome of the 1930's, and the present. She's also not afraid to go over the top (Which may have been Shakespeare's original intention), having star Anthony Hopkins occasionally reprise his role as Hannibal Lecter) . It's the same reason why the 1995 version of Richard III, which is set in the 1920's, is vastly superior to Kenneth Branagh's slavishly by-the-book take on Henry V. By transporting King Lear to medieval Japan, Akira Kurosawa gave us his masterpiece, Ran. Sh Luther, you can move Romeo and Juliet from Verona to the OC and it only gains relevance – even with the presence of Leonardo "Say ‘Thank you'" DiCaprio.

By the way, there is a porno version of Macb... the Scottish play, in case you ever wondered about that. Is it better than the Orson Welles version? Well, it's different.

An interview with Julie Taymor can be found here

October 20, 2008

All of Them, Witches

python_witch.jpgSorry about not posting over the weekend folks, but I've been busy getting ready for the Milkmen shows on the 25th and 26th. [Translation: Vienna and I went to Dining With the Dead at Laurel Hill Cemetery on Friday night, where I drank a bottle of wine and woke up at five am on Saturday morning with a iniquitous hangover. Oh, and Vienna and I spent all day, Sunday, in bed watching Titus] The good news is that I've finally, after over a decade of indecision, settled on a schedule for RATYHL:

Monday: Anthology, Archeology, History, etc. (see below)

Tuesday: Entertainment (books, movies, music)

Wednesday: Will remain "One Star Wednesday" until further notice

Thursday: A sort of "quid ergo" day.

Friday/Saturday/Sunday: Will be used for dissecting the week's posts on the Charlie Daniels Soapbox (AKA "Shut up, you gawddamn ignorant hillbilly") and/or anything else that might pop up.


Just in time for Halloween: Three articles from Archeology Today

"By that time Wood was convinced that only witchcraft could explain her unusual finds"

- from Witches of Cornwall

"One theory on the origins of guising and dressing as ghosts may be in the notion that the dead are returning on this night and the change of appearance may protect the human from being recognized by the returning spirits of the dead."

- from Halloween’s Celtic Roots

"Now chemical analysis by Alan Massey and Tony Edmonds, both of Loughborough University, has proved what folk tradition had long held: that witch bottles were full of urine."

- from Fine Wine & a Piss-Poor Vintage

October 16, 2008

One Star Wednesday (Thursday Edition): The Bible

poemap101608.JPGBelow are actual one star reviews from Amazon.com of the Pew Bible: King James Version:

Don't Leave It Lying Around the House, October 18, 2004

By medcostumer "medcostumer" (San Diego, California United States)
This book should never be left where it could fall into the hands of children. Recurrent themes of bloody violence, murder, racism, incest and rape are dealt with extremely irresponsibly. Horrific events are presented as justified by circumstances and as solutions to petty wrongs.

Worse than the depictions in the book are actual historic examples of such depictions being used to justify the worst kind of degradation and humiliation that humans have ever been forced to endure. These acts are not just inspired by this book, but characters in the book urge its readers to follow its example. Worst of all, however, is that, despite this book's obvious lack of coherent logic or sense, it inexplicably possesses a following of people that somehow find comfort in its horror.

No doubt about it, the horrific images, and lack of intelligent discussion of those images, contained in this book makes it entirely unsuitable for children, or sensible adults.

Original Version, September 14, 2008

By Peter Bannon (Tybee Island GA)
I know you can't buy the 1.0 version of the Bible. But these ripoffs have been rewritten some many times they don't make any sense. Surely God could come out with a new version if we prayed for it. I'd really like to get the audio book version with God himself doing the reading

bible review, October 6, 2004

By C. D. Clancy
Frankly, I was disapointed. I expected more from God. Definetly not his best work.

Dull and hackneyed., May 6, 2004

By Sarah Carnes (Selinsgrove, PA)
This book was boring; it needs werewolves and lesbians or something.

Doesn't work, March 21, 2008

By Jed (UK)
This book doesn't work. I've tried the "praying" method to get a new Porsche 996 delivered but to no avail. There's nothing in the instructions about not wanting German sports cars but I tried praying for less ambitious things. I gave up when it didn't even get me a Big Mac. In the early part there's a bit about people crossing the desert and being sustained by manna from heaven, so you'd think that it would be able to manage at least a hamburger.

I'm disappointed and will contact the publisher. In the meantime I can't recommend this book as it is clearly faulty.

Comment (68)

October 14, 2008

Because it wouldn't be fair to Sapirstein

Tonight, Vienna and I will be celebrating the eve of our fourteenth wedding anniversary by watching Rosemary's Baby. [This is, of course, after we watch tonight's episode of House] We do this every year for three reasons: 1) It's a great film. 2) It was on TV the night before our wedding (we spent most of that cleaning our apartment), and 3) It reminds us to never have kids or to trust old people.

In fact, I owe the success of my marriage to a single from Rosemary's Baby: “Because it wouldn't be fair to Sapirstein."

Throughout the film, Rosemary’s husband, Guy Woodhouse (played by the great John Cassavetes), a Broadway actor, uses his ability to ad lib to get through one close-shave after another. And then, one night after a party, Rosemary demands that she be allowed to see another doctor. Guy knows another doc, even if he's the worst pediatrician in New York, might notice claws and yellow eyes on a baby, but he's used up all of his A-List material by this point:

Guy: Well, I won't let you do it Ro. Rosemary: Why not? Guy: Well, because... because it wouldn't be fair to Sapirstein. Rosemary: Not fair to Sap... - what do you mean? What about what's fair to me?

So, whenever either Vienna or I don't want to do something, but don’t really have a good reason for avoiding the task, we fallback on “The Sapirstein Defense"

Vienna: You should really clean up your office this weekend Me: Gee, I'd love to but it really it wouldn't be fair to Sapirstein; now would it?

Try it sometime.

Belated congratulations to Paul Krugman for winning the 2008 Nobel Prize for Economics. I had the honor of interviewing Mr. Krugman about four years ago when I was a reporter for the Paul Kircher Show. Unfortunately, no audio clips of the show were ever posted, so you'll just have to imagine what we discussed.

October 13, 2008

World o' Ignorance: Gayle Quinnell Edition

Like pretty much everybody else on the planet, I'd like to think that I base my opinions on solid evidence. Evolution is a fact because I've seen the fossilized remains of an Archaeopteryx, but I have yet to cast my eyes on even a splinter from Noah's Ark. It's that simple. Well, for me, at least it is. Maybe that's why I’ve always been fascinated by why people believe certain things despite the mountain of evidence to the contrary.

A few weeks ago, I spent several hours trying to convince a friend - a very bright young woman - that the Bush Administration did not plan the 9/11 attacks. The whole thing was heartbreaking.

Which brings us to Gayle Quinnell of Shakopee, MN. Gayle is the woman who, last Friday at a McCain rally, insisted that Barack Obama was an Arab. John McCain patiently explained that this was not correct, and Gayle quietly sat down.

So does Gayle still believe that Obama is a secret A-rab? Of course she does!

Check out what has to be the greatest interview with a Reality-Challenged person ever conducted. It’s not often that the tinfoil hat crowd gets their fifteen minutes of fame, but when they do it's always comedy gold!

October 11, 2008

Chuck U. Farley

palincnt.jpgToday on the Soapbox, Charlie has posted An Open Letter to America, which is not nearly as insane as I'd hoped it might be. Basically, he's telling his readers that even though Barack Obama has a commanding lead in the polls, they shouldn't get all freaked out and...um...you know; kill him. There's been a lot of this backpedaling going on the Right lately and I'm sure it's not for altruistic reasons so much as the fear mongers saying to them selves "Hey, if anything does happen to that one, angry mobs of dem thar darkies might come looking for the folks who called him a terrorist." Quid ergo. Here are the "highlights" from Charlie's letter:

"My friends and neighbors, my brothers and sisters, my supporters, my detractors, Democrat, Republican, Baptist, Catholic, sophisticates and fellow hillbillies, lend me your ears, or rather your eyes for a few minutes."

Wow, Baptists and Catholics? Charlie is really drawing a diverse crowd these days. Still, it was nice as Charlie to call us "sophisticates" instead of his usual "filthy over-educated unpatriotic liberal scum".

"Upon reflection I find myself guilty lately of falling in with the bad news crowd, and goodness knows there's plenty of it to fall into, but since I've been guilty of accentuating the negative and ignoring the positive lately, I'd like do something different."

What follows is nine paragraphs of Charlie telling us how great America is. But we already knew that because America is getting ready to piss all over Charlie's parade by electing a colored fellow.

"We are still the freest, the most prosperous, the most powerful, and the most technologically advanced nation on Earth."

It's actually a sweet little post. Something to hang on to in the coming weeks when Charlie goes back to accusing Obama of being the Antichrist and blaming the ACLU for his erectile dysfunction.

"But I thought that John McCain was a decent man. I have altered my opinion of him considerably. First of all, he claims to be a republican which he is not. He is an opportunist who is actually running against his own party and doesn't seem to care if he tears it apart as long as he can keep riding around on that chartered jet."

- Charlie Daniels on John McCain in 2000

Speaking of bias, you can test you own at Harvard's Project Implicit. It's the fast, fun way to find out how you really feel about dune coons, wogs, wops , kikes, dykes, honkies, fags, and lard asses.

October 9, 2008

Hey Paul, watch me pull a rabbit outta this hat!

jesusbowl.jpgAgain? That trick never works.

Hey smartly dressed archeologists, it’s possible that the oldest inscription mentioning Jesus Christ has been found. It seems that a bowl has been discovered bearing the inscription "DIA CHRSTOU O GOISTAIS" (by Christ the magician).

And in other Jesus-related news, it looks like Christianity may be facing a plagiarism suit:

"This, in turn, undermines one of the strongest literary arguments employed by Christians over centuries to support the historicity of the Resurrection (in which they believe on faith): the specificity and novelty of the idea that the Messiah would die on a Friday and rise on a Sunday."

- from Was Jesus' Resurrection a Sequel?

October 8, 2008

One Star Wednesday: The Diary of Anne Frank

poemap100808.JPGSorry I didn't post anything last night, but I think I have a pretty good excuse: I went to see Nick Cave at the Electric Factory. Or did I go see Nick Factory at the Electric Cave? Either way, the show was amazing.

As for One Star Wednesday, well, normally I there might be something to be said for challenging the literary and academic authorities who insist that Huck Finn is where all American fiction really begins; or that reading The Great Gatsby is a universally life-changing experience. But to trash The Diary of Anne Frank takes a special kind of person, indeed.

My review, April 16, 1998

By A Customer

This is a story about a Jew named Anne Frank who lived in Amsterdam during World War 2. Anne and her family go into hiding with the Van Daans and Mr. Dussel. She leaves behind everything . They hide in an area attached to Mr. Franks old office building which has come to be known as "The Secret Annexe". They live there for three years. Anne grows closer with Peter Van Daan. This book is about Anne's life while hiding in the secret annexe. This book is mainly about being a Jew during the World WAr2. Paul Petry

Lack of interest -_-'", June 8, 2004

By A Customer

I know that the holocoust was horrible and something that we do not want to repeat again but Anne Frank is just BORING. im not prejudice and i feel horrible about the holocaust but what i don't get is why is this girl complaining about her life? she had it way better off then some people. And why this diary is even famous. Anyone from the holocaust could have written a diary and be made famous. But a real good diary would explain the holocaust more then her own love life. Anne Frank is the most boring person i have ever seen in my life. When i was in grade 3 i didn't even want to pick up this book but since i was forced to read it for a grade 7 school project....i had no other choice. i admit, there were some holocaust parts but for every PARAGRAPH there was about the holocaust...there were 30 pages about her "peeling potatoes" "feeling depressed" "studying" and "peter". There was no action whatsoever and people say that you could actually feel what she was going through...i mean get a life people. I know it's bad being cooped up and all..but....ughhhhhhhaoiwerualishfd bad book. And also...i can skip like 100 pages of the book and still know whats going on. I mean WHY AM I READING A BOOK THAT TALKS ABOUT HER WANTING TO REACH PUBERTY. seriously. so if you want to read a book about food, and 5 other people, family trees, and useless things that will never come in handy in your life then i urge you to read this book. but serseiouly you will have wasted your time. read some REAL holocaust books

Comment (1)

Quite Possibly The Worst Book Ever, December 29, 2003

By A Customer

Lets just start out saying, if I could I would give this book 0 stars.
Recently, I had to read this book for school. Trying to get through this book was phisicaly painful. There is no plot what-so-ever. She just skips from one topic to another.
This book is so boring and dry, that the most intresting part might be when she talks about peeling potatos.
If I could I would burn all of the copies of this book, so people don't have to go through the hardships I did.
If you have at least one brain cell, you won't buy this book.
Comments (4)

...and the “winner' is:

This blows, December 19, 2003

By al, (isreal)

This book was soo boring i read 2 pages then i burnt it. If you read this book i will personaly burn it for u....... SHe dint need to rite a fricken diary she just wanted to become famouse and she wanted people to feel sorry for her!!!!!!!

Comments (4)

October 6, 2008

Little Harry the Junior Life Coach

I woke up in the middle of last night, turned on BBC America, and managed to catch a documentary called My Fake Baby which tells the story of several British women who collect "re-borns": horrifyingly realistic baby dolls.

When I finally did get back to sleep, it was with the lights on, and only after I'd checked the lock on the front door four times. Just knowing that there are grown women out there eager to spend money on a fake baby (Vienna woke up about halfway through the show and watched quietly for about five minutes before saying, "There's actually a market for those things?"), spend additional money on outfits and then wheel them around town in baby carriages (At least those Real Doll weirdoes do whatever it is they do behind closed doors. The film Lars and the Real Girl notwithstanding, I have yet to see a guy drag Inflatable Debbie to Le Bec Fin for a romantic dinner) gave me the willies.

Blame evolution. Our species' big brains require that we spend a large percentage of our lives as children. Without the co-evolution of a strong maternal instinct, our baby ancestors would've been unsupervised and therefore crawled their way to extinction millennia ago. Not that that excuses the bizarre behavior exhibited in My Fake Baby.

The pivotal personality in My Fake Baby is a woman named Christine who had cared for her grandson, Harry, while his mother underwent treatment for cancer. After the boy's mother recovered, her and her new husband moved to New Zealand, taking little Harry along. Despondent, Christine turned to the re-birth community. Soon she was to proud yet creepy owner of a baby Harry doll. [Heartbreak alert: When Christine gets her re-born she sobs, "Nobody will be able to take him away this time; will they?"]

Her husband's reaction to the doll isn't quite what she'd expected. "It looks like something on a mortician's slab", the understandably creeped-out guy says with a visible shudder before making a hasty exit from the room. Undaunted, she next decides to show the doll to little Harry via a webcam (I'm amazed that no one from the film crew stepped in and said "Jesus Christ, lady, you'll traumatize the poor kid.").

Cut to the next scene: there's little Harry on the monitor and Christine says, "I've got something to show you; it's my new baby." Harry, apparent proof that being a sucker doesn't skip a generation, looks at the hideous thing and calmly says, "It's a doll."

"Nooooooooooo," coos grandma, "it's a widdle baaaaaby."

With impeccable timing, little Harry waits a beat before saying "No; it's a doll, numbnuts!"

October 4, 2008

I Am Sorry Mrs. Jackoff

popeye.jpgDuring her thirty year stint with Saturday Night Lite, I can't think of one occasion during which Victoria Jackson managed to make me even chuckle. So, you can imagine my surprise when I stumbled across her website and ended up laughing so hard that I pissed my pants (And I never did change my pee pants all day. I'm still sitting in my dirty pee pants.):

Why am I voting for the fantastic McCain/Palin ticket? Simply because my "world view" is based on the belief that The Bible is the inerrant, holy, Word of God, and the Republican stance on abortion, marriage, government control, taxes, education, health care, charity, military, defense, democracy and freedom - lines up closest with the Bible's message.

Despite being an Atheist, I've read the Bible from cover-to-cover maybe a dozen times (Shit Luther, I even subscribe to Biblical Archeology Review), but I seemed to have missed the part where Jeebuz turned to the money lenders on the steps of the Temple and said, "See these poor people? Yeah, these assholes right here. Well, fuck 'em. Stick 'em in orange jumpsuits and fuck 'em with cattle-prods. And fuck 'em good and hard, 'cuz they're a bunch of lazy bastards and you have my permission to take anything you can get from ‘em. Rewrite the tax codes so that you get the breaks and they get screwed. See if I fuckin' care". Hell, if He had said something like that, I might be a Christian and a Republican.

But that's not the best part. Victoria really hits her comedy stride when it comes to one Mr. Barack "666 Moslem Baby Killer" Obama:

Whoever Obama's paying to help him appear to be a Christian, to win the Evangelical vote...is doing a terrible job. He should ask me for a few pointers. First of all, "obscure reference in Romans" is a dead give away that he's never cracked a Bible. "Evangelicals" love Romans. They have it practically memorized. -"obscure reference in Zephaniah" might have been more appropriate. And, Obama, when you say things like, "Sin is...being out of alignment with my values." That is a blaring siren of Biblical ignorance. The Bible says, "Sin is being out of alignment with God's values." That's like the number one lesson in every book of the Bible. You really need some help. Your statements are New Age, relativist, & humanist. Basically, they are textbook comments that go back to the first sin in the Garden of Eden, when the serpent lied and told Adam and Eve that they could be equal with God. (Read the book "When the World Will Be As One") "New Age" is the oldest false religion. It is a lie. And as for your "church" or Rev. Wright, Evangelicals think it's a sad cartoon. Obama, call me. I'll explain Christianity to you. Maybe you'll get saved and start loving unborn babies.
I don't want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti- Christ and I'm scared to death that un- educated people will ignorantly vote him into office.

Once again, it's the un- educated people who are fucking up the program. I, for one, didn't even know the word “un- educated" is hyphenated.

Meanwhile, over at the Sandbox, Charlie Daniels attempts to make Thomas Frank's head explode by defending the Trickle Down theory of economics as a group of people who've been getting trickled on for some time agree with him.

When I was a kid, working class people had a healthy hatred for the privileged class. Over the last half century, the boogeyman of the Robber Baron has been replace by the boogeyman of the Liberal Elitist in much the same way that the anger of the medieval peasantry was redirected from the landed gentry to witches [insert Sarah Palin joke here]. It's sad... but it's also kind of amusing. Anyway, what I love the most about Republicans is that they, like me, love money and fear dying poor. That's why I'm opposed to tax cuts for the wealth. Because saddling the lower classes with the bulk of the taxes has never led to a strong economy. If it did, the aforementioned peasants would've lived like kings.

October 3, 2008

Fakirs, Prosperity, and Ignorance

Fakirs, Prosperity, and Ignorance

I friend of mine has a Googletalk signature that's a line from a Weezer song: "I'm a troublemaker and I've never been a faker". I told him that I'd like the line more if Weezer had used"fakir" instead of"faker". Before I suggested the substitution, I made sure to check on the etymology of the word "fakir". While doing so, I discovered a new term: Poodle-Faker. Apparently poodle-faker was British army slang, circa 1902, for an "ingratiating male".

In other news, the sub-prime mortgage debacle has been traced to back to one "Mr. Jesus H. Christ".[Best line in that whole piece "You would think that the current economic conditions would undercut their theology."]

RATYHTL's World O' Ignorance: "I was just following Leviticus" Edition

World O' Ignorance salutes David Popescu, who recently educated a group of students on the complexities of Biblical Law:

"I said I believe homosexuals should be executed... when I say homosexuals should be executed, I am speaking in terms of government actions. That is the way the Bible puts it."

Tomorrow is Charlie Daniels Day

October 1, 2008

One Star Wednesday: Great Expectations

poemap100108.JPGBelow are actual one star reviews from Amazon.com of Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

BO-RING!, February 21, 2006
By Casey Miles (Oklahoma City, OK USA) - See all my reviews
This book by far is the worst piece of shi--garbage I have ever laid my eyes on. The story has a skeleton, and a little bit of meat (and I like meat), but mostly, it's just fat. Especially the second stage of Pip's expectations, which finds Pip devoid of any characterizations beyond "I'm rich and you're not," and "Oh, how I do love the lady Estella." It's enough to make you vomit. Mr. Dickens should have made this a much shorter novel, or maybe even a short story. It still would have been boring, but maybe not as boring.

Hello! My name is Pip! I'm an annoying little crybaby with no personality! Will you join me for tea and crumpets?, February 21, 2006
By Thrash - See all my reviews
I started reading this over a month ago and I'm still not finished. I can't get into it at all! It's like a really boring nightmare! I mean, the parts that take place at Satis House are mildly interesting, but no part of it seems to be building up to anything. The story moves so slowly that at times you'd swear it wasn't moving at all, and, to be sure, at times, it isn't! It's just sitting there in its stupid rocking chair knitting and petting its cat by the fire, which isn't even burning! OMG!
You want to read something fast paced and interesting?
Try Daniel White's Hellstone, available right here at amazon.com (plug). Now that's a good book. White's influences span the ages, and don't skip Victorian, if that's what you're into, which you obviously are, or why would you be here?
Don't get me wrong. I like Victorian literature. A Christmas Carol is a very good story, as is Dracula, and Frankenstein, and most of Poe's works. It's just this particular book that I don't like...and anything by Jane Austen.
In conclusion, buy Hellstone. You'll be happy you did.

Great Expectations, May 1, 2003
By A Customer
I thought the book was boring and the worst I have

ever read. It was long and just boring. The characters

were confusing and had so many names that the book went by.

I think Charles Dickens was not a smart man for writing

this book. He could have summed the book up a lot. He used

long word that some times were had to say.

The characters were pretty good to follow by with the different names. Pip was easy to follow as he aged. I thought that Mrs. Joe was a big meaniey. Joe was the nice guy and Estella was a snob in the beginning but shaped up in the end.

Why don't I do something fun like beat my head against the wall for three hours?, April 25, 2006
By Juan Tonamata "Juan Tonamata" (Juan Tonamata) - See all my reviews ( or just see the reveiws above as almost all of these people seem to be the same person)
A guy I work with read this book and it seemed like he was reading it for three years! Every day he sat there with his legs crossed sipping his tea and reading Great Expectations, spending about an hour on every page! What an aristocrat. It was brutal!
Than I tried to read the book.
I couldn't get past the first stage or the first part or whatever because it was so f*cking boring i thought my f*cking head was going to explode! NOTHING HAPPENED!
That freak I work with didn't like it either.
I'm just surprised he could read the whole thing without completely losing his mind.