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Stone Age Tribe Discovered "Living" in Alaska

Palinmania got ya' down? Worried about foreign policy blunders, economic collapse and an impending theocracy? One way to turn that frown upside-down is to take a step back and think of the Palin's as a unique Anthropological discovery.

Yes, the Palin family become much more palatable ("The Palatable Palin's"???) when you nurture your inner armchair anthropologist apply the "Cows, Pigs with Lipstick, Wars and Witches Principle" (especially the Witches part) to the entire Palin clan. Forget for a minute that the Palin's live in a demon-haunted, 6,000-year-old world, wherein they hunt their own food, and just focus on the impending shotgun wedding of Bristol Palin to Levi Johnson (the poster child for why you should always wear your helmet when playing hockey).

To the casual observer, it might seem that young Mr. Johnson was pushed unto the national stage in an effort to mitigate any political damage that would naturally result from a candidate's announcement that their teenage daughter is pregnant out-of-wedlock. And that's partially correct. Dig a little deeper and you might find a more primordial reason for the hurried "Levi, you are the baby's daddy" announcement: a deep-seated need to prove that child had not been fathered by someone outside of the tribe.

If you think that people are xenophobic now, keep in mind that our early ancestors not only feared people from distant lands, but also from the other side of the hill. Knowing who had fathered whose baby was one of the few ways the Bear Clan had of holding the Hamster Clan in check. Later, when trading between tribes began to take place, female offspring would be tossed into the deal ala "I'll let your son mate with my daughter if you my tribe fish on that little spot of beach over there." Now being bargaining chips, a young woman who unexpectedly turned up pregnant could have disasters consequences for the entire tribe.

This might be why so many early civilizations (and not just the Abrahamic religions) but such an emphasis on virginity. It might also explain why so many deities (Jesus, Dionysus, Mithras, Horus, Attis, etc.) were fathered by "Gods" .If Levi Johnson were smart (and the evidence seems to point to the contrary), he'd start pointing a finger in Zeus' direction.

Break it down James David Manning...

"So, so...there you have it."

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