On The Fist Day of Caligumas My True Love Gave To Me...
... A white horse in a marble stable
OK, let's get one huge misconception about Caligula out of the way: he never made his favorite horse, Incitatus, a senator. Got it? No four-legged Senator Seabiscuit. Never happened.
Of course, that's not to say that Caligula never thought about making Incitatus a senator. After all, according to both Suetonius and Cassius Dio, Caligula did supply Incitatus with a marble stable complete with an ivory manger. And then there was that incident with Penelope.
Caligula has procured a mare name Penelope for Incitatus. Eventually, concerned that the two horses were living in sin, Caligula had them married.
So, on a crazy scale where is the average Southerner is a 1.8, Joan Crawford was a 7, and Cynthia McKinney is a 10, Caligula was 27.9; right? Not-so-fast, Dr. Benway!
According to Anthony Barret, author of Caligula: The Corruption of Power, Caligula was simply a man who'd suffered from a horrible childhood, and later, when given unlimited power and wealth, began to act a little ... um... eccentric: a sort of proto- Michael Jackson. [Vienna is currently reading The First Queen of England: The Myth of "Bloody Mary", which basically says the same thing about Mary "Charred Protestant-on-a-Stick" Tudor]
This theory may not be as farfetched as it at first sounds. After all, let's say that you awoke tomorrow morning to find that you'd been declared Emperor of America and protector of Mexico, and given an unlimited income; what would be the first three things you'd do?