Thoughtless for the Day

Since Philly has declared an official Year of Evolution let's spend a few minutes talking about how evolutionary psychology plays into your choice of mate.

For men, it's simple: all heterosexual men are hardwired to mate with Daisy from Rock of Love II. For straight women, things are a little more complicated. You see, women are hardwired to either mate with the burly guy who can bring down a woolly mammoth, the brainy guy who can organize a woolly mammoth hunt, or Mick Jagger.

By "or Mick Jagger" I mean "or the tribal shaman". Deep in our ancient past, some men quickly realized that they were to scrawny to be good a hunting and dumber than the rock they were sitting on, but smart enough to know that they wanted to mate with as many of the local proto-Daisies as possible. So these long-haired freaks set about chanting while banging bones on the cave wall and generally convincing the rest of the clan that they possessed magical powers. And thusly religion and rock ‘n' roll were born at the same time and have been locked in a life-or-death struggle ever since.

So where do the Ben Steins and Mike Huckabees of the world come from? Well, occasionally the Village Idiot would get lucky.