Thoughtless for the Day: Glad-He-Ate-Her! Get It? Huh Huh

Gladiator (2000)

Authenticity: 80 Out Of 100
Entertainment: 9 Out of 100
Gayness Factor: Not-So-Gay

Our quest for the The Worst Movie about the Classical World Ever Made kicks off with Gladiator, starring motivational puncher Russell Crowe. Although I've made it through the entire film once, whenever it pops up on cable, I make sure I catch the opening ten minutes - and only the opening ten minutes- in which the highly disciplined Roman army kicks the living shit out of my hairy and unruly ancestors. That ten minutes of film is probably the most accurate depiction of ancient warfare to ever hit the screen: the Roman archers are clearly, and correctly, of Eastern origin, and the barbarians even have a calyx, for the love of Darwin.

The rest of the film is a Circus of the Mundane, so I'll just use this paragraph to point out that the real Emperor Commodus was a four-star-freak who had a thing for watching female gladiators duke it out. Now that would've made for great subplot.

Enjoy all ten minutes and fourteen seconds!

Comments

I would like to submit moi's wee film/research to be considered the worst film concerning classical times.

�The Origin of Jesus Christ� Parts I & II

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzY2bVsZK5s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sckuqPulRGk

Stay on groovin' safari,
TOr

Posted by: Tor Hershman | April 28, 2008 09:04 PM

hey, no biblical shit, sir! although that is without doubt one of the worst things i have ever, ever seen.

back on topic, i seem to recall that "Vercing�torix" was almost unbelievably bad, although i doubt i managed to sit through the whole thing. then again, most movies starring Christopher Lambert would probably qualify as among the worst in their respective genres, so maybe it's not surprising.

Posted by: dogfaceboy | April 29, 2008 07:55 AM

Well, it's really a lot more pro-facts (Hence anti-biblical), DogFaceBoy, just like this other lill' film/research by moi.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7iQRFP_e90

Stay on groovin' safari,
Tor

Posted by: Tor Hershman | April 29, 2008 11:39 AM

What is a calyx? Google and Wikipedia let me down.

Posted by: djohngo | April 29, 2008 01:22 PM

Methinks it's a jug to mix hooch in.

Posted by: Tor Hershman | April 29, 2008 01:49 PM