Thoughtless for the Day

I subscribe to Starz which means I have access to Starz On Demand, a service that allows you to watch certain selected Starz programming whenever you want. Anyway, there used to be an option on the Starz menu designated as "Only Here". This is were you would go to watch horror movies and "Adult" entertainment. For some unexplained reason, that section of the menu has been removed. The horror films were moved to another section, but the porn-lite is gone. And that got me wondering if anyone had called up to complain that the titty flicks had vanished.

I have a theory that rental stores could replace 50 percent of their porn DVD's with Disney films and the people who rented them would be too embarrassed to point out the error: either that of they'd just masturbate to Bambi. And why we are so embarrassed when it comes to talking about porn, but not about horror movies? How many times have you been standing in line at the DVD store when you've heard a conversation like this:

Estragon: Did you see Hostel?

Vladimir: Dude, it fuckin' rocked. This dude got his toes hacked off and this chick got her eye plucked. It was fierce! I almost puked – and nothin' makes me puke.

But have you ever heard anything like this?

Lucky: Did you see Big Ass Pool Party?

Pozzo Dude, it fuckin' rocked. After you watch these studs banging these big-assed chicks, it won't be long before you are reaching for the lube. * It was fierce! I almost jizzed - and nothin' makes me jizz.

In all honesty, I'd be more embarrassed to rent Norbit than, say, No Cum Dodging Allowed #8.

What this country really needs is a Rosa Parks of porn. Someone who won't be relegated to the back of the video store. Someone who's not afraid to shout "I thought Busty Dildo Lovers #6 was poorly acted, had bad lighting, and was full of holes. Plot holes, that is." Someone who has not only sang "We Shall Overcome" but who also owns the director's cut.

* Another actual porn review