Thoughtless for the Day

"Forced worship stinks in the nostrils of God."
- Rodger Williams

The other day, when Mitt Romney dropped out of the presidential race and delivered that batshit crazy speech to CPAC, Vienna and I started trying to figure out the motivation behind Mitt's actions (which is like trying to figure out the motivation behind the decision of the crazy homeless guy on the corner of 10th and Spruce to no only shit his pants, but to give said shit a name). My theory was that Romney was angling for the job of Vice President. "Why not Huckabee?" asked Vienna.

"Well," I said, "the economically conservative wing of the republican Party despises Huckabee's 'Populist' fiscal policies. Besides, can you really imagine people in Northeastern state like, say, Rhode Island voting for any ticket that contained an ignorant silo-fucker like Huckabee?"

Vienna pondered this for a few minutes before asking "Why the Hell do they call it Rhode Island anyway?"

"I dunno. Maybe it's named after the Isle of Rhodes? People give things stupid names all the time. Pennsylvania has Intercourse, Bird-in-Hand, Mount Joy, Reamstown, and Blue Ball. "

Actually, Rhode Island was not named after the Isle of Rhodes. It seems that there really was a Rhode Island – a tiny island of the coast. The name was later applied to the entire state. So, while my Isle of Rhodes theory might have fallen a little short of the mark, I might have been on to something about Huckabee (or, for that matter, Romney) wanting to avoid Rhode Island with the same effort I exert to avoid Alabama, as the place has quite a history as a hotbed of religious tolerance.

Rhode Island was founded in 1644 by Roger Williams: one of the more interesting characters in colonial history. Williams, an Anglican priest, had been kicked out of Massachusetts (the state Mitt Romney had once governed) in 1635 for criticizing that colony's charter which allowed civil punishment for religious infractions, and sanctioned the confiscation of Indian territory (While Williams actually paid – yes paid - the Indians of Rhode Island for their land, he did so despite believing that the English Crown had no rights to Indian lands. He thought the Indians would better off with him as a neighbor that the local assholery.). Rhode Island soon became a haven for the undesirable element of the day: hoodlums like Jews and Quakers.

One undesirable who landed in Rhode Island was Anne Marbury Hutchinson. Hutchinson, like Williams, had been booted out of Massachusetts: Hutchinson's crime being that she had hosted meeting in her home in which men and women discussed that week's sermon. Despite losing her trial, Hutchinson is said to have "bested the best of the Colony's male preachers, theologians, and magistrates."