Thoughtless for the Day

[Notice: In order that the following entry might be a little more appealing to people who are not interested in cat mummification, I've sprinkled it with random paragraphs from Lisa "Blair" Whelchel's September E-Letter]

One of the problems with running a website that's ostensibly supposed to be about history (but usually just ends up being a collection of rants about what a total smegtard Ben Stein is) is the lack of "hands-on History" available to the general public. Sure, given enough time and meth just about anyone can have their own tiny Roman army, but just try to organize a Trireme Race for The Cure on the Schuylkill and see how far you get. That's why I'm happier than the late Reverend Gary Aldridge touring a rubber plantation on those rare occasions when I manage I stumble upon an ancient DIY project.

A week or two ago I came across this piece on the Science Daily website. Apparently, Dr Stephen Buckley of the University of York has been using most of his free time and just about all of the money he earned babysitting to figure out the materials used by the Egyptians to mummify cats.

"Lessons I Learned in the Dark" - Jennifer Rothschild has been a friend of mine for years but God sovereignly [sic] placed my hand on her elbow during this season of my life. [If I pray hard enough, will God move Blair's hand off of Jennifer Rothschild's elbow and on to her "womanly bits"?]

In case you're wondering why the Ancient Egyptians mummified cats in the first place, the answer is "racket", as in "It was a racket." Priests in the Temple of Bastet in Bubastis would sell mummified cats to pilgrims who would then bury the kitty carcasses in hope that the dead cat would carry the worshippers' prayers to the Goddess Bastet (to learn more about Bastet, just drop by the house I share with my Bastet-obsessed wife and have a quick look at my fireplace mantle).

Let me explain. Whenever I'm with Jennifer, I've learned to stand close beside her, let her gently touch my elbow as I guide her to the nearest Starbucks where we can talk a Venti to the dregs. Lately, the coffee tables have turned. She is standing beside me; close enough for me to know she's there and within reach when I need her to guide me through the dark. If you could use a friend to help you walk by faith because your tears have temporarily blinded your path then this is the book/Bible study for ! you. ["She is standing beside me; close enough for me to know she's there and within reach when I need her to guide me through the dark." That is sooooo hot! And you, Blair did place the exclamation point before the word "you"]

OK, are you ready for a little "hands-on" history? According to both Dr Stephen Buckley and Jennifer "Um... Blair, honey…that's not my elbow" Rothschild, the recipe for compound used to make a cat mummy is roughly "80 per cent fat or oil, 10 per cent pistacia resin, 10 per cent conifer resin and a pinch of cinnamon." I guess we could get away with using a tub of Crisco for the fat/oil. You’ll find some cinnamon in your spice rack. While I have no idea what pistacia and conifer resins are (other than resins, of course), I bet your local art supply store has plenty of resin on hand. Just tear up an old sheet to obtain the linen needed for bandages. Now you just need a dead cat...

Kim Hill - "Hope No Matter What" - This is not Kim's most recent CD but it is the one that has spoken my heart to my heart these last few months. Gosh, I can't even pick a favorite song. Maybe, "Hold Me, Jesus" or perhaps, "As Big as God" nah, it's got to be "Can You See Me." I give up; I can't choose just one. If you find yourself in a place needing to be reminded that God sees your questions and hears your ache then buy this CD. The anointed music and these raw lyrics will reverberate within your soul as you allow His Spirit to fill your empty places. [Kim Hill is an anagram for "Kill him", 'nuff said?]

Look, there's no way I'd ever condone harming an animal, even for a project as worthwhile as this one, so please, do not kill any cats just so that you can make a mummy. I'm just as eager as the rest of you to have a little slice of history in my living room, but I'm not going to bump off my feline friend just get a (really, really cool) conversation piece. That said, I have encouraged my cat to smoke and drink, just to speed things up a little.

Have you ever thought to yourself that you would love to getaway, just you and your girlfriends...[It's official, Blair is "eating from the bushy bowl" "Lessons I Learned in the Dark" indeed]