Thoughtless for the Day

I hate to keep dwelling on the "Atheist thing", but the other day, I had one of those of "Jesus loves you" experiences. You know what I'm talking about: two strangers walk up to you in the parking lot of Borders and hand you a Jack Chick tract (which you take because it's a fuckin' Jack Chick tract - score!), and then they ruin an otherwise pleasant experience by saying "Did you know that Jesus loves you?"

The correct response is, of course:

"Look, I want you to go right back to Jesus and tell Him that it’s over OK? I'm tired of the phone calls and the emails and the notes on my doorstep; and I'm sick-to-fuckin'-death of Him sending His friends around. He needs to move on and find someone else. I don't want to have to get a restraining order, but if He keeps this shit up, that’s just what I’ll do."

The question that we're left with is: After breaking up with Jesus, which deity would one date next? And, more importantly, which deities would allow you to make a smooth transition back into the dating world? In other words, what other Gods share similar characteristics to Jesus?

If you click on the chart below, you'll get a much bigger, more helpful, chart that you can print out and hand to anyone who might currently be seeing Jesus - you know; just in case they break up.