Thoughtless for the Day

Oh Happy Day! Jerry Falwell is dead! Tinky Winky, thou art avenged.

Speaking of death...

On Friday, Vienna had to undergo an operation for a mosh pit-related injury that basically involved reattaching the tendons in her pinky. Being the stellar example of a husband that I am, I made sure to have a Get Well present ready for her (Hey, it was the least I could do since I planned on swiping some of her pain medication). A few weeks earlier I'd spotted the perfect gift in the window of a store on South Street. It was a Canopic jar made from pewter and the lid was a representation of the goddess Bastet, whom my wife conveniently happens to worship.

Now, before any of you budding Egyptologists begin to flood the comments section, let's get a few things straight. Yes, I know that Canopic jars were not made of pewter. They were usually wooden or ceramic: the more upscale ones being made of alabaster. And they never featured the head of Bastet. Imsety topped off the jar containing the liver, Hapi got the lungs, the stomach went to Duamutef, and Kebechsenef, patron to all those who draw the shortest straw, scored the intestines.

Of course we don't plan on putting Vienna's viscera in the jar. That's just wrong. No, we plan on one day placing all of Vienna's remains in the jar - in the form of her created ashes. If you find that a little morbid A) you've come to the wrong web site and B) you should know that I'm jealous because Vienna already has her future home purchased. I've been searing everywhere for a miniature Roman sarcophagus for my ashes (if cremation was good enough for Caesar, it's good enough for me) with no luck.

If send your pictures of where your ashes will one day reside to rodney@rodneyanonymous.com, I'll be sure to post 'em. Happy hunting.