Thoughtless for the Day

"... it is possible that Mary gave birth to her Son when she was about thirteen or fourteen years of age."

- From the Catholic Encyclopedia

What? The Creator of the Universe knocked up a thirteen-year-old girl? That doesn't really seem like appropriate behavior for the Lord; does it? On the other hand, the Catholic Encyclopedia says that Mary was in her early teens when Yahweh popped her cherry: and it's pretty unlikely that the Catholic Church would lie about pedophilia.

In an attempt to get to the bottom of this of this sordid theological hanky-panky, RATYHTL, with the aid of internet watchdog group Perverted Jehovah has managed to get hold of the actual chat log of the initial conversation between God and the Virgin Mary:

SexyGod4U69 (7:36:18 PM): hello : ) would U like 2 talk
Mary13BCE (7:37:29 PM): OK
SexyGod4U69 (7:40:08 PM): What R U doing
Mary13BCE (7:40:25 PM): Watching My Super Sweet Bat Mitzvah
SexyGod4U69 (7:41:08 PM): R U Jewish
Mary13BCE (7:42:35 PM): LOL Yeah
SexyGod4U69 (7:43:03 PM): From the line of David????
Mary13BCE (7:44:00 PM): 4 sure!
SexyGod4U69 (7:44:38 PM): R U a virgin???
Mary13BCE (7:45:09 PM): U know it!
SexyGod4U69 (7:45:48 PM): U have never been with a Bronze Age deity?
Mary13BCE (7:46:05 PM): Nope ROTFLMAO
SexyGod4U69 (7:46:22 PM): Would U like 2 try it? I can get beer!

As if this weren't shocking and disturbing enough, a thorough check into God's background (OK, I googled Him), found that that God had been implicated in several major crimes ranging from inciting a human sacrifice to genocide to several unpaid parking tickets in Rochester NY.

Hello, I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC with a reminder that, as most children are molested by family members, clergy, or coaches, our "To Catch a Predator" series really doesn't do Jack Shit to protect your kids. And this just in: Jack has left town. So why not move your fuckin' computer into the goddamn family room where you can see what the fuck your little brats are up to, dribblenuts?